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  • Quokkas 151-3 (Tugboat 50 n/o, Todd 28) beat Wantage & Grove 150-5 (Yak 2-26, Radio 1-1)

    A Leeds University study in partnership with Tourism Western Australia (Ed: happy to discuss sponsorship at any time guys) has found that looking at photos and videos of Quokkas has a significant and immediate positive impact on people. As a result, the university is now going to send videos to students to improve their mental wellbeing before taking exams. It’s great to know that footage of The Mosquito falling over whilst umpiring at square leg and Binman’s cheerleaders serenading him in Hungary are helping to ensure the future prosperity of our country. Which is just as well because ‘unleashing the potential of this country’ is currently a statement akin to watching someone drink Lucozade with their Big Mac on a high street bench. 

    That’s unfair. We’re leading the world in the creation of three word slogans for passing on vital information, such as `hands, face, space’, `build back better’ or `Get Brexit done’. Personally I prefer `stop the future’, `led by donkeys’  and `go **** yourself’. More seriously, we do have some of the world’s leading scientists that are helping to liberate and elevate us through cutting edge research, typified by a UK team of astronomers who, using Nasa’s James Webb space telescope, have determined that the stars began shining 250 to 350 million years after the Big Bang, roughly when Radio John was born. The period, known as the `cosmic dawn’, is when the very first generation of stars and galaxies started to light up our universe. This is described as the holy grail of astronomy and paths the way to see the very first galaxies too.

    This was a weekend for finding stars, with two emerging from the Quokkas cosmic dark ages (period between Guru playing for us and now). Harry-mini-skip-garlic-bread-II-Bradley and Stuart Tugboat Little both made their Sunday debuts and were very much the leading lights. In Tugboat, we have finally found a batsman that can bat, like a batsman, you know, like holding the wooden thing the right way up, hitting the red thing with the wooden thing and stopping the red thing hitting the three sticks…and in Harry, we have a bowler who’s potential has no bounds. The sky’s the limit.

    The future showing us his boycott impression

    Not that the sky was very clear or indeed high on Sunday and after several days of rain, we were thankful for a set of covers and Tweaky’s hard work to get the game on. Despite this, a sodden outfield meant we spent the afternoon attempting to keep the ball dry. The memo hadn’t reached the Mosquito, who regularly failed to relay the ball ten yards without it hitting the deck. 

    With Skip losing the toss (Ed: better than Seagull winning it), the Yak and The Professor opened the attack and the former took a smart catch from his own bowling to dislodge the opener and then a while later, a nice off-cutter got the other. At the other end, The Professor toiled, but without success – the slow full toss didn’t work this week for some reason. With wickets hard to come by, Skip turned to Evil Dave, presumably because he recognised a potential weakness to the beamer. Fair to say though, that after a tough start to the season, Satan returned with a vengeance, and a decent spell put pay to inquisitive children ready to ask why Dad had kept getting hit to boundary or hadn’t taken any wickets. A simple catch by Skip at mid-on helped him claim a wicket and when their best bat took pity on us and retired after getting a faultless fifty, the runs started to dry up. At the other end, Harry belied all of his 11 years to keep the pressure fully on, which remained until the likes of myself and Shut up Herc came on at the end. I forgot to mention that Radio’s elbow is on the mend and he grabbed a wicket during two nice overs of spin. 

    Over tea, Skip ruined his chances of the Quokkette Award by praising them on the amount of makeup being worn, we discovered it would be cheaper to buy our own ground than hire a tugboat to transport us to our next tour destination, while Radio provided us with the full array of Captain Pugwash double entendre. Fascinating stuff, but with shore leave limited, we had a game to win.

    After eight overs in the sun, Faggie looked like he’d been carrying the Sherpas bags, so he decided to recover by keeping wicket for Leigh. The Driver also missed the game, something about a knee replacement and overexposure to KFC. That left a sizeable hole in our batting line up (Ed: because Quokkas that get second ball ducks are so hard to find), so in came Todd and Tugboat, who after initially battening down the hatches, cruised his way to a half century, harboured claims for man of the match by never letting the run rate drift, which set us on course to victory, (Ed: please stop) before he graciously retired to shore. There you go Radio, especially for you. 

    Herc and I actually opened and we made a confident start against some decent swing bowling, but I think Herc’s choice of shot must have been sponsored by Toyota (Ed: very subtle US political joke. That’s going to be a tough sell on here Seagull), and he therefore didn’t last long. Seagull looked in good nick before attempting a sweep shot he clearly has no idea how to play. Todd came in and provided able support to Tugboat, dispatching the ball to all parts, as per usual. Eventually though, he was caught on the boundary (Ed: now there’s a surprise) and it fell to the two opening bowlers to see us home. And they did so with relative ease and great assurance (Ed: perhaps they had probably been watching videos of the Hairdresser dancing to help calm the nerves) – the Professor demonstrating some nice stroke play and yet more fine striking from Teapot. 

    Yak sees us home

    In the end, thanks largely to Tugboat, it was a comfortable win for the Quokkas, although it must be noted that we did actually have 12 players, with Skip’s son Connor putting some of us to shame in the field. Nevertheless, we appear to have added some much needed talent and youth to side. The future prosperity of the Quokkas looks good. 

    Seagull

    Posted by iain @ 10:24 am

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