The Quokkas Cricket Club was founded in the early noughties by an egregious Englishman and an itinerant Australian for the purpose of enjoying cricket.
Aptly taking the teams name from the most unthreatening of Marsupials, The Quokkas were soon to find wins hard to come by and opposition more than willing to offer up an afternoon for a game.
Since 2009, The Quokkas have fielded 2 sides; 1 out of London and 1 out of Melbourne. With Test ambitions quashed, both these teams play regular friendly and charity matches, spreading the gospel of inclusive cricket.
With both the English and Australian teams battling away in their own hemispheres for sporting tragedy after tragedy, a middle ground had to be found to decide who truly was the least threatening cricket team and Sri Lanka was the answer.
A squad of (at least) 15 has signed up to play 3 games against local opposition in Colombo, Kandy and Galle over 9 days of what is likely to be farcical cricket.
The Quokkas and their troupe are very much looking forward to visiting Sri Lanka, taking in the sights and sharing the love of cricket with the locals.
Day 1 – Arrive in Colombo
Day 2 – Match in Colombo, dinner at CCC
Day 3 – Travel to Kandy, see elephants on the way
Day 4 – Match in Kandy
Day 5 – Travel to Adams Peak
Day 6 – Morning climb of Adams Peak, afternoon to Galle
Day 7 – Day off in Galle
Day 8 – Match in Galle
Day 9 – Charity day with locals & end of tour
- The Skip: Co-founder of The Quokkas and actually a decent cricketer, which is something he can be forgiven for given his abilities off the field. His penchant for Zwak amazes people the world over.
- Tom the Yak:
- Ed: Part of the teams diversity policy, representing Gingers everywhere. Has also taken out the Australian teams batting and bowling awards recently, which probably says more about his team-mates.
- The Mantis: Absolute legend. Scorer of the first ever century in a Quokkas match and the first Quokkas Best & Fairest award. Mystery leg-spin just adds to the allure.
- Gladys: Another actual cricketer, which he makes up for by being 76% injured 94% of the time. Is concentrating on making other cricketers of late, for which Australia, if not the Quokkas, will appreciate.
- Curto: Younger brother of Gladys & similar in his relatively verbose enjoyment of the game. A very good gloveman with inside knowledge of the sub-continent.
- Big Dog: Has played more games for the Australian Quokkas than any other, which is possibly more to do with availability than ability. He’s also Irish so, you know…
- Local: Another member of The Quokkas quota policy, representing Tasmania or wherever the hell he says he is from today. Tall and strong bowler who gets good bounce on Australian pitches, is expecting to spend a lot of time crying in Sri Lanka.
- Dutchy: Ex-Baseballing pro, Dutchy hits as many boundaries as he gives away with his rocket-like overthrows. Should bowl OK having switched to left-arm chinamen, when he hits the pitch.
- J Rod: The most laconic cricketer of all time, J Rod had a break out season with bat and ball in the 2014/15 Summer, possibly due to missing training at all attempts.
- Robbo: An opening swing bowler with a smooth delivery, Robbo also doubles nicely as a pinch hitter when needed. His stats have suffered due to his teammates inability to hold catches, something that will surely only get worse under the Sri Lankan sun.
- Radar: Rock Star. Beautiful wife. Can open the batting or bowling. Thank god he can’t catch or he’d be really annoying.
- The Rev: The Rev is the imaginary friend of an invisible giant rabbit. Any resemblance to a cricketer is purely coincidental.