• And so another season of un-entertaining cricket for the Victorian (Labour in Vain) Quokkas was crowned with an entertaining evening of celebration in the manner only known as THE GOWNLOWS.

    Taking up residence in the Grace Darling Hotel, the second-oldest pub in Melbourne, in the very room in which the Collingwood Football Club was formed, the Quokkas celebrated their own recent season with a count of the votes given, match reports read and awards presented for outstanding efforts.

    Highlights of the season were also observed, including the $5,000 raised for charity (Kickstart for Kids and the McGrath Foundation), the match against the Victorian Blind Cricket Association and of course the match against The Pinnacle Hotel (our win!).

    Joe “Lonely” Miller-Norman ended up taking out the Best & Fairest Award on a count back, after initially polling the same number of votes as Pup, though receiving more 3 votes for the games he played in.

    Bad luck to Pup, though he has years to exact revenge.

    Bad luck also to Ed, who now has to listen to Lonely bang on about this win, as well as the “Mighty Teal“.

    Other winners for the evening included:

    • Most Runs AND Most Wickets: Ed
    • Best Player at the Big Day Not Out: Robbo
    • Worst Player at the Big Day Not Out: Phantom (also picked up the award for the most runs against in an over; 28)
    • The Sledgehammer Award for Sensitivity: J Rod
    • The Zoe Goss Award for being dismissed by a female: Emu
    • The J Rod Death Bowling Award: Curto (for being hit for 14 runs off 3 balls to lose the game with an over left)
    • The Bruce Reid Award for Batting: The Rev

    Thanks everyone for a great season, here’s looking to season 2014/15.

  • The Summer may be coming to a close but there is still plenty of Quokka Cricket to come!

    There are 2 matches in particular I thought Id draw your attention to:

    Game 1: Quokkas v Victorian Blind Cricket Association on Feb 16; and

    Game 2: Quokkas stumping up for the McGrath Foundation on Feb 23

    Game 1:
    Yes, we are hitting new heights in our search for a win, playing against a team of vision-impaired cricketers.

    The game will be played at the lovely surrounds of the VBCA (454 Glenferrie Rd, Kooyong) from 11am (I know, early start) on Feb 16.

    It will also be broadcast on Blind Sports Radio, with guest Quokka commentators hiding from the action on the field in the safety of the commentary box.

    All guests are more than welcome – we’d love to see you there.

    Game 2:

    The Quokkas are taking on 2 teams (the John Curtin & the Dan O’Connell) in 1 day of very poor quality cricket to raise funds for the McGrath Foundation.
    The McGrath foundation provides breast-care nurses to communities (particularly remote communities) right across Australia.

    Our aim is to raise $1,000 for the day & we are accepting donations, sponsorships & batting tips.
    More information on the game is here:

    The match will be played at the picturesque Alphington Oval where we will be selling drinks to and providing food for all attendees.  All profits will go to the cause.

    Thanks in advance,

    The Quokkas

    Quokkas v Brandon 04/03/12

  • Wendesday December 11 saw incumbent Quokkas off-spinner Ed Henty launch his book, Right Arm Over the Fence, at the Labour in Vain Hotel in Fitzroy.

    Right Arm Over the Fence tells the story of Eds experience of the Quokkas 2012/13 season, including all the highs and the lows of what it means to be a pub cricketer in a team whose standard can only be generously described as “very social”.

    The book launch was MCd by the Quokkas own Rev, with former Australian Test Spinner Jim Higgs also helping with the launch.  Jim concisely surmised that the book was different to other cricket books, but it also dealt with a different type of cricket.  Importantly, Jim was able to hit on the fact that the theme that resonates is the conviiviality and cameraderie, which is unlike some of the cricket being played today.

    A great night was had by all, many thanks to Ed, Jim and the Labour – click here for more information on the book.


    Dutchy, Jim Higgs and The Rev. One of these is an actual cricketer



  • edbook

    Resident off-spinner and new author Ed Henty was promoting his book, Right Arm over the Fence, on SEN recently – all the action can be heard in the link below:

  • Join resident off-spinner Ed for the launch of


    – The Diary of a Pub Cricketer


    Date: December 11, 2013

    Time: 7pm sharp (well, as sharp as Eds deliveries)

    At: The Labour in Vain Hotel, 197a Brunswick Street, Fitzroy

    More information here: www.rightarmoverthefence.com


  • The Quokkas annual tour game continued in the same mode as the previous tour to Launceston, with a crushing loss.  A more detailed report of the game will be published soon, or more specifically, whenever the Big Dog finds his way back from the City of Churches.

    More positively than the previous tour though, The Quokkas were able to raise over $2,600 for Kickstart For Kids, thereby being able to provide breakfast to 2 disadvantaged schools for a whole year.


    Many thanks to our hosts in Adelaide, and for Kickstart for Kids for the opportunity.

    Incidentally, further sponsorships can be made using this link.


  • kickstart-logo

    The Quokkas Cricket Club is off to Adelaide for a charity match against the “Heapsgood XI” to raise money for Kickstart for Kids, a charity helping disadvantaged children in South Australia.

    We are encouraging donations to “Kickstart”, but will also take sponsorships (e.g $2 per run scored, $10 per wicket) for each player; though this may not help anyone.

    The match is being played on October 19 at St Peters River Park, Goss Ct, St Peters from midday.

    For more information on Kickstart for Kids, visit:


    Stay tuned for more information on the match & how you can support this great cause.


  • Following on from Rowdy and Gladys’ dramatic tied B&F award, we are proud to bring you some imagery from the big day (not, not out):

    Emu & ...?

    Dutchy, Phantom, Rowdy and Curto looking thrilled to be at the event. Dutchy may be looking at something else. Photo is as well centred as Curto.

    Rowdy, pictured here drinking from the furry Quokka cup

    The Skinny Dog

    Emu Waterhouse laments putting his house on The Rev getting at least 1 vote

    Morts celebrates his "Mike Hussey" award for taking one for the team, Cupsy agrees

    The Rev receives his Judas award for helping take the Prince Patrick to the BDNO final

    Big Dog tells his disbelieving fans about his 8 votes

    Rowdy celebrating wildly after taking home the batting award, best batting performance award and B&F

  • This Star Wars Day saw the Quokkas head to The Brandon Hotel for the 3rd annual Gownlows presentation night.  All the Quokkas were there bar Alex and Radar, who were pre-occupied with some sort of ‘other’ entertainment in Western Australia.  Rumours abound.

    With 12 rounds of voting available this season, its was always going to be an interesting race to the B&F finish line, and so it proved with Gladys and Rowdy tying on 10 votes each for the famed broken bat.  Thankfully, the bat was in good hands at the Emu residence & has had a handle installed as well as been given a good clean.  It seems Emu does some of his best work in the off-season. Rowdy gave a touching speech, reminding us all of how bad we are as cricketers, before handing over to Gladys for more of the same.  Truly deserving winners, both.

    The other major award winners included:

    • The Christopher Reeve Award (for use of legs when batting) – J Rod
    • The Chimney Award (for incessant smoking during games) – Cupsy
    • The Mike Hussey Award (for taking one for the team) – Morts
    • The Dwayne Leverock Award (for best catch) – Sam Curtin
    • The Max Nichols Award (for best dummy spit) – Dutchy (beating out The Big Dog and the Curtin brothers)
    • The Darragh O’Donovan Award (for bravery) – Alex (beating out The Big Dog himself and Curto)
    • Best Bowling Performance – Pup
    • Most Wickets – Ed
    • Most Runs – Rowdy

    Thanks to everyone for a great season, photos of the night to follow


  • The commencement of the 2013 AFL Season has signalled the hibernation of cricket for another 6 months, leaving those of us supporting teams wearing Red and Blue with not much to look forward to.

    As a means of filling the gap of emptiness, your author has looked at a Quokkas fantasy AFL team using the prominent members of the 2012-13 team:

    FF: Cupsy, Emu, Ed

    HF: Curto, Rowdy, Paz

    C: Pup, Phantom, J Rod

    HB: Robbo, Rev, Radar

    FB: Mo, Dutchy, Alex

    R: Morts, Gladys, Big Dog

    Interchange: Bad Boy, Jimmy Northe, Cruizer

    Selection Explained


    Rowdy is the first member of the team, picked at Centre Half Forward.  Rowdy will be relied upon for kicking big scores week in, week out.  Or, at least kicking more than Emu – who should be relied upon for big scores, until the finals.  Emu and Rowdy should guarantee some big scores and will remind many of the Wayne Carey-John Longmire combination of the late 1990s.

    Cupsy is picked in one of the forward pockets as a dead-eye goal kicker in the Brad Green / Paul Hudson mode, though won’t be expected to lead further than 30 metres from goal, mostly as he will have left his smokes under the behind post.

    Ed is picked in the other pocket as a crumbing forward as he is the least likely bloke to go anywhere near a pack  or opponent.

    Half Forwards:

    As mentioned Rowdy is picked at Centre Half Forward as a leading-marking target.  He is flanked by Curto on one side and Paris on the other.  Curto will marshal the forward line through constant banter and will be relied upon to go after any ball that comes his way like a cheap single.  He isn’t expected to deliver a single handball until he develops the yips towards the end of the season, after which he will refrain from kicking even the cat.

    Paris brings a bit of class and smooth delivery to the forward line, as well as the occasional freak-shot (much like his 6 in Launceston). As economical as his bowling, Paz isn’t expected to bring up too many clangers.


    The runners of the side; Phantom, Pup and J Rod will make up for any lack of skill with constant dash.  This is mostly because they are the only members of the team who may be able to run more than 10 metres at a time.  Pup can use his left-sided advantage on one wing, while J Rod can be largely hidden on the other.  The Phantom is expected to disappear from the oppositions radar, only to bob up and bomb Rugby-style torpedo’s into the forward 50.

    Half Backs:

    An interesting mixture of aggression and team-work, the half backs have enough talent to defend and attack.  Robbo will be the most orhodox of the team, occassionally moving into the centre as one of the only fit members of the team.  Radar, as a drummer, is the ultimate team-man and the heart-beat of the side.  No-one will ever kick the ball to him, as he won’t/can’t catch it, but he will run off packs well for receives and finish with clean disposal.  The Rev brings a bit of old-fashioned violence to the side; jumper punching, scragging and belting the opposition behind play, all while encouraging his team to “rise above”.

    Full Backs:

    An imposing line for any opposition, they have a strong mix of calm (Mo), old-school aggression and big hits (Dutchy) and flash (Alex).  Mo is expected to spend his time between marking his man, calmly pin-pointing the ball out of danger and breaking up fights between Dutchy and the entire other team.  Dutchy will spend much of the match telling his direct opponent how shit he is, telling the goal umpire how blind he is and abusing the kid selling records for exorbitant prices. He is also the best at punching from behind.

    Alex, when available, will be able to fill any role asked of him, but will be needed to synchronise with Radar in the back line to provide some talent.

    Rucks / Followers:

    The tallest man in the team, Morts, is the natural first choice as Ruck but will swap with Curto when he wants a rest – which is likely to be often.  A ruckman from the Aaron Sandilands school of being ridiculously tall, Morts will also bring some skilled disposal to the middle and absolutely no body-contact. Expect the fans to whisper “Josh Fraser” under his breath.

    Gladys brings a school of class with him & will be relied upon to direct Morts where to hit it, only to be where he actually does hit it, then pump it forward to the tall timbers.  The Big Dog will play the role of tagger, or anything that is asked of him.  He may even continue to bring his bloody coleslaw to games, only to despair at how under-appreciated it / he is.


    Bad Boy, Jimmy Northe and Cruizer provide a bench capable of filling in roles all over the ground.  Bad Boy can help out in the ruck, take marks up forward or shut down tall forwards – depending on how big his previous night was.  Jimmy Northe provides a little bit of nuggety zip and flair in the Andrew Jarman mould. Cruizer has absolutely no idea about the game, but is still better than most of the starting 18.



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Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.