• Match Facts

    Sunday, October 19, Alfred Crescent Start Time 1pm (AEST)

    Big Picture

    Another big summer of cricket commences this weekend for The Quokkas, who have had a much lower-key off season than in recent seasons.  They can only hope that this results in a better start than in recent times, the last two seasons commenced with big interstate losses in Tasmania (to The Royal Oak Hotel) and in South Australia (to The Heapsgood XI).

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    Happy Memories from South Australia

    The usual mix of retirements and disappearences have occurred in the off season, with some new and old faces returning too.  Of the new bunch, Snipper and Chef show real promise and even commitment, which will be handy given the packed schedule ahead.

    Of the familiar faces, Radars return from the USA is a real boon for the Quokkas, given he can open the batting and the bowling and is just a really good bloke in general.

    The schedule itself will see the Quokkas compete in (at least) 12 matches, including 4 non-YPCA games.

    In all, it’s a big season ahead and it kicks off this weekend against the YPCA new (and unknown) boys; The Terminus.

    Form Guide

    Quokkas: LLWLL

    The Terminus: n/a

    In the Spotlight

    Radar is Captain in this, his first game back in the mighty Maroon.  Unseen for a year while smashing ear drums and realities all over the USA, the bowler in tight denim has been right into pre-season; throwing down unplayable leggies, screaming seamers and destroying the odd car or two with the one that goes OVER the net.

    With the need for more players, especially younger ones, more dire than ever; Snipper is a welcome addition.  Unfairly, he seems able to bat, bowl and field.  AND his girlfriend bakes fresh scones.  It’s all a bit unfair really.

    Superman_Earth-One_001

    Snipper

    Team News

    The late mail is that The Phantom and Lonely unavailable due to parenting requirements.  We are hoping that Don (the Big Dogs mate) will be able to make it though and that “Is Don, is good”.

    Quokkas XI (probable):

    1. Robbo
    2. Local
    3. Snipper
    4. Radar (c)
    5. Big Dog
    6. Ed
    7. Rev
    8. Chef
    9. Emu
    10. Curto (w/k)
    11. Don

    Pitch and Conditions

    The last time the Quokkas graced Alfred Crescent local was the semi-finals of the Big Day Not Out in which The Phantoms bowling was pogo-d all over the neighbourhood.

    It’s also the ground where, under Radar’s captaincy (and Rowdy’s 87* off 23), the Quokkas hit over 260 runs in a 25-over match.  Aside from the memories of the run-fiesta, this ground is a favourite of the Maroon army due to its central location & for having a playground that small children can be locked in for hours.

    The lackadaisical streakers are always a treat too.

    Never with this result, though

    Never with this result, though

    Sunday is expected to be a dry 28 degrees, so similar to the run-fest of 2012, though without the Quiet man.

    Stats and Trivia

    • This will be The Big Dogs 33rd match for The Quokkas, quite fitting given his Irish accent;
    • Ed (366 runs) is marginally behind Dutchy (369) in regards to total runs, with the Dutchman out with Bread and Butter Pudding related illness, this is “Le Coqs” big chance to move to 2nd on the all-time runs list;
    • Radars statistics are quite binary: 12 matches, 11 innings, 112 runs, 11 fours and 1 six

    Quotes

    “The last time I played (baseball) at JL Murphy Reserve it ended in a bench clearing brawl and a member of the opposition subsequently being charged with assault. Any correlation between this event and my prior pitch decking the batter is purely coincidental”

    -Dutchy

  • And so another season of un-entertaining cricket for the Victorian (Labour in Vain) Quokkas was crowned with an entertaining evening of celebration in the manner only known as THE GOWNLOWS.

    Taking up residence in the Grace Darling Hotel, the second-oldest pub in Melbourne, in the very room in which the Collingwood Football Club was formed, the Quokkas celebrated their own recent season with a count of the votes given, match reports read and awards presented for outstanding efforts.

    Highlights of the season were also observed, including the $5,000 raised for charity (Kickstart for Kids and the McGrath Foundation), the match against the Victorian Blind Cricket Association and of course the match against The Pinnacle Hotel (our win!).

    Joe “Lonely” Miller-Norman ended up taking out the Best & Fairest Award on a count back, after initially polling the same number of votes as Pup, though receiving more 3 votes for the games he played in.

    Bad luck to Pup, though he has years to exact revenge.

    Bad luck also to Ed, who now has to listen to Lonely bang on about this win, as well as the “Mighty Teal“.

    Other winners for the evening included:

    • Most Runs AND Most Wickets: Ed
    • Best Player at the Big Day Not Out: Robbo
    • Worst Player at the Big Day Not Out: Phantom (also picked up the award for the most runs against in an over; 28)
    • The Sledgehammer Award for Sensitivity: J Rod
    • The Zoe Goss Award for being dismissed by a female: Emu
    • The J Rod Death Bowling Award: Curto (for being hit for 14 runs off 3 balls to lose the game with an over left)
    • The Bruce Reid Award for Batting: The Rev

    Thanks everyone for a great season, here’s looking to season 2014/15.

  • First before any captains report, let me just go through how I was bowled by a woman.

    With that explained, I must say I was disappointed to see the Royal Oak field some ring-ins from Malvern Valley take batting positions 2,3 and 4. However, with Robbo and Pup ringing bells, we were able to keep a run rate low. That was until Ed came onto bowl. He bowled a really good toppie, but the five other balls, well, I didn’t worry about my car, the hits went over into houses.
    One ring in retired, JRod came onto bowl a wicket maiden, Derby bowled tight then Joe bowled smoke, taking pegs on two occasions.
    We kept them to 66 until we found out Klutzy the Keeper dropped the ball on the helmet. Make that 71.
    The chase started in earnest, Cupsy and Robbo slamming it about.
    “Best hundred dollars I spent” was Robbo, not referring to a trip to Bangkok but to the 2″9′ Gray-Nicolls Powerbow. As a general rule, in cricket, if it hits a tree half way up, it’s a six.
    With two retirees, Emu went in, and in true BDNO form, went out cheaply. Curto and Ed came together and just when the equation got tight, Curto saw off a ring in and a new bowler came into the attack.  He was described by Curto as “what you could wish for” and Rev described him as the “worst bowler I have ever seen with perfect tennis ball bounce” or to explain better; Ed hit him for a leg side six! Curto’s innings was 1..646 and the semi final awaited.

    The semi final occurred after 17 hours of waiting. We were a little rusty and were pelted about the park. Robbo, Joe and Shotgun all felt the pain. After five tough Tramway wicket less overs, we batted with Joe and Dutchy opening up to hopefully get near a 150 that we would need. Some big hits came off but too often boundary riders cut off fours.
    Joe skyballed and Dutchy went, not after some lusty cut shots! Then Local Derby came in and played some of the most abstract shots available…for sixes! Meanwhile, Cupsy had Jekyll and Hyded into Alastair Cook in the last Ashes, series swotting, cursing and missing everything. Relief came in all three poles being disturbed. I was at the non-strikers end and as he heard the death rattle he looked at me with the “there goes the never been out record”
    I was in again and made maybe a dozen (reverse sweeps are so 2012) but made the error of driving and calling before it beat the bowler. He dragged it back and Pup was run out.
    Salvation was to come from Robbo with his Bow of Power, blasting an unbeaten 24. I happily sat up the other end watching slog sweeps and pull shots. Rev came in briefly with his new bat too, and from the thick edge for 2, he knew his purchase was special as well.

    As for the final 5 overs, let’s look at how the Tramways team saw it. They slapped us around in the first 5 overs and bowled tight to the Napier. They deserved a grand final. Surely, the Quokkas won’t let these guys make 69 of 5 overs? Emu and Pup went all out attacking with a ring field and slips and went for 7 and 8.
    Surely 54 off 3 overs won’t happen?
    Fresh from baby duties, the Phantom came on to bowl. Cupsy successfully showed why he is not a vice-captain by convincing me that Phantom could be the X Factor. Barefoot, he bowled 6 short pitched mediums that were pogoed. One nearly went over the house on Alfred Crescent. It hit the second floor guttering.  661646 equals 29. At one point the batsman walked off, only to be told he was on 19* so he returned to bat, hitting another 6, then walking off.

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    Screenshot of Alfred crescent oval, Alfred Crescent and newly damaged houses adjoining the oval – thanks again Quokkas!

     

     

    Returning to JRod, the death over king, Napier ploughed their way to finally tying with Tramways with one ball remaining. JRod bowled a decent enough OFF Stump ball, kissing the edge, Curto howled to his left and snatched it! Only for the ball to jar loose on landing because he has Mr.Burns arms. Napier were ecstatic, Tramways were gutted, musing an opinion about the Quokkas that many others had formed before.
    The real winner was the President of the league because the ar$eclown had no contingency in case of a tie.

    Overall, the finals summed up our season; batting is a feast or famine, bowling swings from very good to very poor and when switched on, fielding is awesome, but switched off, it is Tufnell-esque.

    Thanks to Rev and Ed for getting the show on the road and to all the guys for being upbeat even though with short games I couldn’t bat everyone as much as usual.

    As Cupsy said, nothing was better than watching the three ring ins for the Royal Oak with oversized bags trudge away first round losers wondering how the Quokkas rolled them.

  • Fairlea West oval is a new ground to the likes of Pub Cricket and it was a nice deck near a mental asylum. Having awoken at 9:00 to the text from Rev saying I had to find two players, I was feeling the pressure of captaincy, Kim Hughes style.

    With Phantom getting his British mate, Alex (Beano) in and Pup shrugging off injury, added to Local making his debut; we had an XI. Ed and Dutchy started off well, with Dutchy powering an unbeaten 30. I would later make it a 26.  Ed pushed then pounded, hitting some great shots…which when straight to fielders, but by Drinks had an unbeaten 31. Local came and went, his rustiness proving tough to shake. Phantom was hardly sighted, J-Rod was elevated up the order. He watched Emu get bowled by a quality inswinger. I began to feel the pressure of captaincy, Alastair Cook style.
    Alex (Beano) combined with J-rod and pounded a Flintoff-esque 27. Big Dog came and went searching for the big hit. J-rod was out on a handy 17 which included a well struck heaving six, leaving Pup facing the death over. Being on strike for 5 balls Pup made 17 lifting our total to 153. I was a smallish ground and we were about 15 runs short. It was interesting to note that 4 players in their team were newbies unaware of the no-LBW rule and as I umpired and continually waved LBW appeals away (Dutchy, Ed, Local were main offenders, and Big Dog of course) these blokes must have thought I was an @rsehole. That was pressure, Kevin Pietersen style.
    Big Dog opened our cause after another quality Dutchie Bike BBQ. The dog created 2 great chances, unfortunately the captain had not put a fielder where they landed! Robbo bowled very well without result. Local came on to bowl quality off peg line and Alex Beano also bowled well. With wickets hard to come by eventually sharp fielding yielding a run out, then Ed tossed down a vicious zooter like delivery, which gave new wicket keeper Emu his first stumping of the day. Battered arm and shaved head Pup came on to bowl some old school swing.
    Pitched up and shaping, he would end with figures of 1/8 off 3 overs. with some 12 runs to defend off 18 balls, I turned to Shotgun and J-Rod. Shotgun had bowled superbly capturing 3/15 with a wicket maiden in there. Approaching the last over it was still a run a ball stuff, and I was feeling the pressure of captaincy. Luckily, a sky ball popped up to long on, and as captain all I could do was run 40 metres at full tilt, make perfect position, fingers up and take a perfect coaching manual catch. Of course, I could have always left it to Robbo, who would have to have taken three steps for the same result.
    Down to last, an unfortunate overthrow gifted them a boundary and the Funf boys grated through with 6 balls to spare. I am happy that we took last years BDNO champions all the way. Of course, we were missing Rev, so we will beat them in the finals.

     

    Play of the day: Pups 5 balls  (0,4,5,4,4)
    Emufarm
  • Before I get into the match report, a short Quokka community (Quokmunity?) service announcement:
    Some of you may not be aware (I wasn’t until the Napier match), that in addition to being the usual custodian of the big blue team kit bag, The Rev has his own personal kit bag. This is also blue, but slightly smaller. I would suggest that we should treat his personal bag as we would anybody else’s, ie. asking politely to borrow anything from it, rather than the “open slather” approach to the team kit.
    The Rev may appear calm on the outside, all smiles, nods and pats on the bum, but inside he is a seething mass of punches and head buts accumulated over three years of 5 am wake ups and just waiting to be unleashed on the next f’wit that goes rummaging around in his stuff without asking.
    You have been warned.
    Right, the Napier match.
    We arrived at the ground to find the wrong team waiting for us, The Rev (using his words, not headbuts), quickly sorted them out. Some pre-match catching practise and a won toss and we were batting.
    A strong wind and a big puddle of piss in the outfield made conditions tough and runs, particularly off side boundaries, were difficult to come by. The latest opening pair of Mo and the Big Dog didn’t really get going, and Dutchy got run out by a direct hit. Unluckiest dismissal of the day.
    This brought together the standout partnership of the innings,  Lonely Joe and the Cruizer. 30 no and 29 respectively at faster than a run a ball, with a 6 each. Nice work lads.
    Highlights of the Rev’s knock were briefly facing up left handed and keeping an over from their dangerous spinner out. Emu was the backbone of the middle and lower order, knocking up 28 including a rarely seen switch hit, which deserved more than a single into the sewer water.
    A total of 120 seemed very low, but you know the old adage: don’t judge a track until both teams have batted.
    The defence started well with Lonely taking a wicket in the first over and an opener gone for a duck. Unfortunately even a nice tight Quokka huddle couldn’t conjure up another wicket for quite a while. Their next two batsmen put on 60 runs between them and things were looking grim.
    Some tight bowling, in particular from J-rod, Ed, The Phantom and Dutchy led to scoreboard pressure, and finally the wickets started to fall. Ed, Phantom and Mo were all the beneficiaries of outfield catches showing varying degrees of confidence by Emu, Ed and The Rev.
    Special mention should be made of the The Phantom’s effort to make a lot of ground to get under a high ball and try and catch it three or four times. Maybe if we all had our parents watching we’d show that sort of commitment?
    With such a low total it was always going to be tight, and they only needed 6 off the last over. They got there with one ball to spare. An agonising loss taken hard by all, especially final bowler Lonely, who spent the night in a room of mirrors.
     sewage
    Special thanks to all those who put their shoes, and lets face it, personal wellbeing on the line by volunteering to field in the stank. Although nobody showed commitment like the Napier guy who aquaplaned straight into it on his arse at the first opportunity.
    Oh well, at least we got to go back to the Napier and watch the Big Dog smash a Bogan Burger.
  • It was hot and our form coming in to the game wasn’t. So instead of running you through the entire game here’s the highlights
    1 – The red hot form of Cruizer, top score and 2/11 with the wickets being caught at slip and the keeper
    2 – The return of 2011 Robbo both with the ball AND with this comment “that guy with the dreadlocks looked quite sexy when he was lying on the ground (umpiring at square leg)” – no doubt he invited him back for a spa
    3 – Debutante Frosty fielding. Great catch and run-out, unfortunately of 1st balls
    4 – The Mu impersonating Curto by top edging the ball into his face, wedding soon perhaps?
    5 – Shotgun taking a catch, surprising everyone including himself
    6 – The Rev’s bowling – 1/6. Caught Shotgun, bowled Rev – most unlucky dismissal of all time
    7 – My captaincy – twice I moved a fielder and few balls later a catch went straight to them
    8- The food at half time, tacos!
    All this though pales into insignificance with the highlight of the game, possible season in one play….a simple catch was put up at short midwicket off the Rev. The Rev and Canty both go for it, Canty drops it. The striker has run, the non-striker hasn’t, both batsman standing together, Canty 5m away from the stumps…….throw goes over Emu’s head (keeping at the time) who then turns around and throws the gloves on the ground in disgust. Dutchy and Big Dog on the ground in tears in the offside. Welcome to the Quokkas Canty.
    John Curtin – 173 (Cruizer 2/11, Rev 1/6, Emu 1/16, Frosty 1/14)
    Quokkas – 128 (Cruizer 22, Ed 21, Dutchy 15, Dog 13, Emu 0 & 18*)
    A 49 run loss, but there was plenty of free beer and good tunes going at the Curtin
    See you Sunday against the Pinnicle

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