Quokkas C.C.

2008 - a year of change

Quokkas CC - 160 (Mantis 42, Hairdresser 40, Attack 4/21, Rage 3/9)

Isis CC - 161

Welcome back Quokkateers and I hope you all had an enriching off-season, storing up your energy for following the season ahead. In my own off-season I took a sabbatical to the hills of Shoreditch where I was told by a soothsayer* that 2008 would be a year of change, and that if I didnt create change, it would be created for me.

And so it turned out to be with the Quokkas, after years of defying the odds and winning despite a lack of talent, ability, skill and endeavour - they finally changed their ways and held on to lose closely.

After going in to bat, the game started to an unchanged tune with a top-order collapse anchored by the Rev, though defied by the rebellious Mantis, Fatman, Hairdresser and PJ. The Terrible also made a statement after being dropped from 3 to 11, swashbuckling away for some quick runs in an electric partnership with The Egg.

Having brought up a total of 160 off 40 overs, The Quokkas were feeling pretty confident about defending the score, particularly after the first couple of overs as the Attack started tearing through batsmen with new-found vigour. It wasn’t all new-found vigour for the Quokkas, as their ability to drop catches carried over well from 2007.

Also working against the Quokkas were some over-active umpires who called (a record ?) number of extra’s against the bowlers.

One new change, though, was the bowling at the end of the innings. The Rage, The Fatman and co. all came in to take valuable wickets, but it wasnt to be. With the score on 159, The Rage threw down a vicious in-swinger that confounded the batsman and flew off the edge of his bat to The Rev at first slip, who duly dropped the chance.

A couple of hectic singles later and Isis were home, leaving the Quokkas somewhat bewildered and disappointed, though enthusiastic about the changes to come.

* not actually a soothsayer

Quokkas barbershop quintet begins. Badly.

Looking to spice up the off-season and develop some team bondindification, as well as work on the team song, The Quokkas started up their own barbershop quintet recently to much acclaim.

Shows were quickly booked in venues such as ‘The Duck’ in Rotherham, ‘The Red Lion’ in Winkleston and the ‘Stars in their Irises’ night at ‘The Turtles Back’ in Donnington.

After all the pizazz though, showtime quickly arrived and the boys quickly showed their true colours (see photo).

The rest of the tour was quickly cancelled.

And yes. The Rev did make off with the glass.

The Quokkas Night of Nights!

After a season interrupted by rain and clouds, the Quokkas season came to a close on Friday October 12 at the inaugural Quokkas Best and Fairest presentation night in a shower of light and glitz.

After a customary slow start, the attendees arrived in their finery and quickly got stuck-in to the 2-for-1 drink specials. These were doubly appreciated as The Revs summation of the season began.

Each game of the season was reviewed, with highlights and votes being announced. Applause was particularly raucous when votes were distributed to the newer members of the team such as Robert the Bruce and PJ.

The ‘smaller’ awards were presented in between rounds, with Smithers presenting his Champagne Moment to himself, The Egg presenting the Bravery Award to The Rev and Thug P’s best heckle award going to The Rage.

The highlight of the evening, though, was the presentation of The Quokkas Best & Fairest Award, which deservedly went to Dac ‘The Attack’ Nguyen for his amazing season.

Congratulations to The Attack for a destructive year, as well as all the winners and Quokkas, here’s looking forward to a great season in 2008!

Breaking News: Quokkas and New York Mets in transfer scandal!

New York – The sighting of The Quokkas spiritual leader, The Rev, and newest lower-order sensation, Slick, at the recent New York Mets game at Shea Stadium has sent Baseball and (very) amateur cricket news services into a frenzy.

With both shunning reporters before leaving the stadium, it was left to those close to them to speculate on what their presence meant.

“The Rev seemed particularly interested in one of the Mets batters” one observer said, “although I think he was actually just pointing towards the bar”.

Speculation has been rife about a major shake-up of The Quokkas since the success of ‘The Canadian Project’ (aka. the introduction of Robert ‘The’ Bruce) and this latest sighting will do nothing to quell rumours.

The presence of Slick at the ground could perhaps be explained by his ability to give advice on the transfer market, or perhaps his own interest in joining the Mets. When pressed on the subject though, he only replied “my only purpose is to serve The Quokkas however I can, which, at the moment, involves getting hot dogs for The Rev”.

More to follow.

QNN - The Quokkas News Service.

Dear Quokkmen and Quokkettes,

Congratulations and well done on an excellent season. You all have, without doubt, been an inspiration to me despite my unfortunate geography and not seeing any of your games. Huzzah!

I have the honour of passing on a few hors d’ouvres of information. Experts of anti-non-dealphabetisation will be aware that this list is numerical order.

1. The Quokkas now have a network on Facebook. For the uninitiated, Facebook is a social networking site where Emos are not given permission to join.

2.If you require a new Quokkas jersey because you’re like me, and refuse to wear anything more than once, contact the Rev. He’s just bought a Chinese sweatshop, and his employees only have enough work for 25 hours of the day.

3. Quokkas presentation night is on October 12th. The Rev needs to know how much gin, and how little vermouth he requires to make the affair a success. Respondez s’il yoplait the Rev.

Yours in Quokkanisation,

Lord Waygood.

2 for 1 Magazine Deal!

Good day adoring legions, (That goes for your too, Frenchies!)

I am glad to announce that the Quokkas have entered into a lucrative deal that may help fund the Paris match and resulting debauchery. Waygood Publishing, has offered two of it’s highest selling magazine titles at the price of one, with all profits going to the famed Quokkas Cricket Club!

All photographs from the titles have been taken by master daguerreotypographer Jennifer Gilmore from www.gilmoreimages.com.

Order your copies now!

Petition-a-thonFEST 2007!

An open letter to the citizens of Great Britain and it’s forgotten colonies

Gentlemen and Quokkettes,

Let me lend you my ear. That way, what ever I say will be heard correctly*.

Your Reverend, DA Nichols, author and auteur, has nobly taken it upon himself to initiate some municipal embellishmentism. He wants a salt beef bagel shop on every corner, all Spar convenience stores to be renamed Club-X and an improvement of cricket facilities in the East End of London. Regrettably it is only the last option that has recieved funding from Waygood Manor. Hitherfurther, The Reverend’s exemplary skills as blacksmith and landscape gardener, have recently been misplaced (lost in a card game no doubt). What this means, you fools, is that the pitches and nets are not going to build themselves.

And so, and thus, I am calling upon you, citizens of the InTerNet, to ratify a petition that has been put to the British Parliament, and specifically, Number Ten Downing street. It can be located and signed in the foyer at Number Ten, and also webularly at:

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/UrbanCricketNow/

I encourage you to enthuse others to participate in this important motion. If effective, this will mean better facilities for the Quokkas and hopefully provide a some grass roots talent for England’s next Ashes campaign.

I thank you for your time, as I understand it is important to you, whatever pathetic life you may lead.

Yours in HUZZAH!

Lord Waygood, PhD, RaCV, HtML.

*please ensure all R’s are rolled for dramatic effect.

Quokkas 2007 begins; Skip says, “You cant polish a turd”

It may well be March but that means little for the Quokkas squad, so keen to get into the 2007 season that they have already started the nets.

Arriving at Lords at midday on a Sunday was an achievement in itself for most in attendance, but they managed to go on from there; donning their whites and practising for well over an hour.

While The Rev was limited to batting due to his recent fight with gravity, the rest of the squad showed some excellent early form.

The Attack (despite shoulder injury tremors) was as quick as ever, Smithers was hitting the line at pace, The Mantis looked nippy at the crease & managed to turn a few (after some more pre-season advice from the Rev - remember what it led to last year!), The Skip hustled and heckled, and The Egg showed glimpses of his new ‘mystery ball’ for the year.

More excitingly was the work with the ball being displayed by PJ, who may need to be renamed ‘Glenn Miller’ for all the swing he was getting.

Exciting times lie ahead.

Quokkas Website Launched!

Well…of course…you’re looking at it aren’t you?

Huzzah!