• Match Facts:

    Sunday, February 14

    Ramsden Street Oval, Clifton Hill

     

    Time:

    1pm

     

    The Big Picture:

    This will be the Quokkas first Pub League game for 2016, discounting the Big Day Not Out, and one that they hope will start better than 2015 ended (1 win from 4 Pub League games).

     

    This is the first time the Quokkas have played this incarnation of the Rainbow Hotel, the last time was c.2010 before the last incarnation went on to being Sentido fUnf (then the Fitzroy Beer Garden, then The Marquis of Lorne).

     

    Here’s hoping the new mob are as uncompetitive at cricket as the old mob were good at moving pubs / bars / wine bars.

     

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas have only won the one game this season, against the Old Bar, which was highly reliant on the big hitting of Chef (44 off 14) and J Rod (41 off 24).

     

    Of course neither is available for this game, which leaves more of a crater than a hole in the run-scoring department.

    Crater

    Artists impression of the Quokkas run scoring capability

     

    That being said, the Quokkas did bowl and field in their last showing (at the BDNO), bowling out the Standard in 10 overs. Shame they couldn’t chase the runs.

     

    In the Spotlight:

    Tuesday is in sparkling form this season, averaging 86 with the bat in the Pub League, as well as scoring a handy 59 against the Vic Deaf team before I ran him out. You’re welcome.

     

    Jay and Local can expect a good go with the new ball on Sunday, combining for 7 wickets for 144 runs. This might not sound world beating, but you have to remember that many of their deliveries are just too good for the batsmen to hit.

     

    Team News:

    Snipper was an early withdrawal from this game due to a bad case of ‘somethingbettertodo’.

     

    Thankfully Alex’s brother John has slipped straight in, bringing some handy seam bowling as well as a touch of the Steve Henty’s. That is, better looking than his brother and more loved by his parents.

     

    The XI at the time of writing and in no particular order is:

    1. Ed (c)
    2. Dutchy
    3. Local
    4. Alex
    5. John Gow
    6. Radar
    7. Rev
    8. Nick AW
    9. Tuesday
    10. Jay
    11. Bowl’en

     

    Pitch and Conditions:

    This is the Quokkas first venture back to Ramsden Street Oval since the first game of this season, a narrow loss to BDNO winners The Royal Oak.

     

    A ground with potentially long boundaries, depending on where you lay the witches hats, as well as the calming sounds of cars rushing along the Eastern Freeway.

     

    The new practice nets at the ground, described by some as the best in the Southern Hemisphere, provide tricky complications in regards to making excuses not to warm up. Well, for those inexperienced at making excuses anyway.

     

    The ground is also the site of where one of my deliveries was once hit into a light tower, which was a little like that scene in ‘The Natural’, but without Robert Redford or baseball.

     

    Stats and Trivia:

    • You should know by now that I’m making up 67% of these and sometimes 81%, or 23%
    • Dutchy has now hit 22 career YPCA 6’s, the equal most of all time (with Rowdy), this game offers his opportunity to take the lead
    • This will be Radars 25th YPCA game for the Quokkas, the inked-up all-rounder (bats, bowls, keeps) has scored 284 runs at 14.95 (top score of 37) and 11 wickets at 24.64

     

     

     

     

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, January 17

    Alfred Crescent Oval, Edinburgh Gardens, Fitzroy

     

    Time:

    1pm

     

    The Big Picture:

    This will be the first game in 2016 for the Quokkas, which they are pretty happy to see after going 1-7 to finish off 2015.

     

    With the game being against the ASRC and played at Alfred Crescent Oval, it is sure to be a highlight of the Quokkas season; promoting the inclusiveness of cricket at the home of Pub cricket.

     

    Truly, there hasn’t been a feel good coming together like this since Hall & Oates reunited.

    halloates

    So, so good

     

     

    The Quokkas will be looking to use this game to welcome others into the community and have some fun while doing it. Even they can surely win at that challenge?

     

    dont-call-me-shirley

     

    Form Guide

    Don’t ask.

     

    In the Spotlight:

    Bowl’en (Shane) is Captain for this game, his first time at the helm of the motley collection that call themselves Quokkas. Bowl’en has had a mixed season so far in Pub League games, but has dominated on turf pitches. Perhaps the classicalist in him is struggling to escape.

     

    On the subject of struggles with form, Ed returns for this game, deigning to grace us with his presence. A big fan of the size of Alfred Crescent, the fans on the boundary can surely look forward to pocketing a few cherries when he comes on to bowl.

     

    Team News:

    This is the first game in some time that The Quokkas have a full XI available for in the week before the game, but we all know that will probably change before Sunday.

     

    This weeks side is a strong mix of age and experience, as it seems those young people have better things to do with their time.

     

    1. Ed
    2. Chef
    3. Curto (w/k)
    4. Big Dog
    5. Bowl’en (c)
    6. Alex
    7. Rev
    8. Jay
    9. Snipper
    10. Tuesday
    11. Local

     

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Alfred Crescent Oval is the scene of many happy days for the Quokkas, winning or otherwise.

     

    The ground has that wonderful true bounce you can only get off astro laid over the top of concrete, as well as the most charming of pot holes in the outfield caused by soccer matches, picnics, dogs and the like.

     

    The BOM predicts a top of 28 on Sunday with plenty of sunshine. Where else would you rather be?

     

    Stats and Trivia:

    • With only 4 games remaining for the season, there really is no clear stand-out in the runs scored or wickets taken categories. There are 6 players tussling for most runs and 5 for most wickets;
    • As a collective, though, the Quokkas have taken 27 wickets in YPCA games this season at 26.4, with a wicket being taken every 3.6 overs
    • With the bat, the Quokkas have scored 643 runs off 538 balls for a strike rate of 1.2 & 55% of runs being scored through boundaries
    • The Big Dog needs only 9 runs to take his total for the club to 400, making him the 4th to do so
    • Chef needs only 13 runs to take his total for the club to 200, which he should do easily given his average of 26.71

     

    Vale Bowie

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • pogonophobia  /p?g?n??f??b??/

    extreme dislike of beards

     

    The natural habitat of the Quokka is northside inner suburban Melbourne. As we have tired of our surrounds the quest has continued to find new locations to spread the quokka legend. This year’s tour game took us far from the hipsters and skinny jeans of Fitzroy to the Gippsland countryside. Stories abounded that our hosts Nerrena had the only other ex-hurler Irish cricketer playing in Victoria. Someone other than Big Dog with a single cross-batted shot and an unorthodox bowling action? That alone was worth investigating further.

    The preceding week was spent with the squad oscillating from 13 down to 10 and with a couple of late additions we had 12 to play. On winning the toss our hosts decided that the decent thing was to give us the choice in any case and so it was that the Quokkas were set to bowl first. Snipper and Eliza arrived rock-star late but our hosts were happy to hold off the start. There was significant net activity and youthful exuberance by our opponents whilst the Quokka pre-match routine consisted of cracking open a few cold cans. All the warning signs were there you might say.

    The innings in the field started well with Ed and Chef keeping it tight. The Nerrena captain poked and prodded to 13 as wickets fell around him. Big Dog had a bowl and that little Waterford versus Kilkenny duel ended honours even. The Quokkas rotated the bowlers and Chef, Alex, Jay and Local all picked up wickets along the way. Impressive catches for Local and Alex off steepling shots and an uncharacteristically generally attentive fielding display left us with a gettable 117 to chase on the wide expanses of the fertile Gippsland dairy paddocks.

    Pretty great.

    Pretty great.

    The sun beat down with lazy sense of optimism at the innings break and all looked well in the world for the Quokkas. An early dismissal for our debutant Ian was followed by a solid partnership of 44 between Alex and Dutchy. Big Dog joined Dutchy to take the score to sitting pretty on 2/64 off 11 overs. But being the Quokkas calamity was never too far away and Big Dog, Snipper and Jay departed in the 12th over leaving us reeling.

    That triple wicket maiden was the turning point from which the Quokkas never recovered. Dutchy was out for 49 and Bowl’en, Cath and Ed couldn’t quite get us there despite some lusty blows in the last few overs. The Redcaps skipper showed his versatility with a spell of death bowling to clinch victory for his side. So in this particular Irish civil war it was keeping with the pattern of history as once again black and amber ruled supreme over white and blue. Tiocfaidh ár lá.

    Thanks to Brian for organising and for the whole club at Nerrena for hosting us on the day. It was a measure of the enjoyment from our side that when a return game in Melbourne was mooted one of the recently defeated Quokka batsman quickly added “stuff that, we’re coming down here again”. Big Dog retains the anti-Midas touch with a perfect record of 4 losses from 4 games as captain. Surely Winston Churchill had the Quokkas in mind when we said “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm”.

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, November 22

    Fairlea East Oval, Yarra Bend

    Time:

    13:00 EST

    The Big Picture:

    For a team that prides itself on participation over a focus on wins and losses, this season has been a real winner for the Quokkas. Going into the game with only ten available to play after 3 steady losses, the saggy maroons are in top form to play a team new to the YPCA league.

    This version of the Old Bar is new to the competition & little is known about their cricketing or drinking prowess. I’d like to think they are a rag-tag bunch of plucky misfits, but maybe that’s because I’ve been watching The Goonies again.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas go into this game still winless for the 2015/16 season, having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in their last game against the good folk in Nerrena.

    In the Spotlight:

    Tuesday comes back into the team at the top of the order with his big-hitting housemate, the Quokkas are hoping that the man under the ink can bring some more big runs to start the innings.

    After opening with Dutchy last week, Alex helped put on a 44 run stand & also bowled his customary deep, deep heat – though without the short balls. If he can keep this form up, he could well go home with a firm piece of plastic in his hands on Gownlow night.

    Team News:

    After the rush to play at the start of the season, the Quokkas only have 10 available for match day at the time of writing for the second week in a row. With several on standby, we should get the XI up fine.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Absolutely nothing.

    Absolutely nothing.

    The Ten at the time of writing is:

    1. Pup
    2. Curto (c)
    3. Dutchy
    4. Local
    5. Tuesday
    6. Tuesdays housemate (man Friday)
    7. Chef
    8. Alex
    9. Jay
    10. Nick A-W

    Pitch and Conditions:

    And so the Quokkas trek back to Fairlea East, the home of knee grazes where backpackers go to disappear. Also the home of Shotguns 30, its truly the modern Bermuda Triangle. The ground is likely to be dry with a fast outfield, have no running water available or toilets. What a glamorous life these Quokkas lead.

    On the plus side, its only going to be 21 degrees.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Incredibly, Tuesday and Chef both sit on 142 runs off 9 innings with 3 not outs each – for a matching average of 23.67
    • Tuesday has, though, taken 13 catches – better than 1 per match
    • If Pup should bat in this match, it will be his 20th innings for the Quokkas. He has scored 248 runs (9th highest) @ 19.08 for his career and taken 17 wickets (4th highest) @ 15.12 (so far)
  • From Captain Local….

    “The only things that are certain in life are death and taxes”, said someone who had obviously not picked up Dennis Rodman’s autobiography Bad As I Wanna Be and experienced the clear insight that this was indeed a book that should be judged by it’s cover and left unread.
    To this list of certain things can be added “catches win matches”.
    Fairlea West is a hard place for a gentle game. You go there without hope, because in a place like this hope gets sucked down to the dirty river along with the rest of the rubbish, and who’s got enough of it to spare? The freeway cuts a canyon behind the ground, the toilet block is locked (whether to keep you out or to keep something worse in) and running water is like human kindness in the rush to secure an overhead locker on the Tiger flight back from Bali – nowehre to be found.
    I heard a story once about this kid who used to wash dishes at a greasy spoon on Smith Street, back when you had to watch out that junkies didn’t steal the spoons, greasy or otherwise. He played in a punk/polka 5-piece called “Zombie Arse” and had some connections with a group of anarchists who ran a popular underground chess night out of a mouldy squat near Victoria Park. This dishwasher punk-rock anarchist kid took some bad acid one night and ran off up to Fairlea West, trying to shake The Fear. There on the narrow, mean strip of concrete that gets called the pitch, The Fear caught up with him. That kid is an old man now, living behind the torn and tattered flywire door of a one-bedroom flat in Thomastown, and his neighbours know to ignore his panicked cries in the night.
    The Quokkas batted first against the Curtain (The Beefies) and with solid contributions from most everyone – Tuesday and Dutchy the retirees – posted a competitive total of 7/174. After an excellent  lunch effort from Radar and Smallgoods on the bbq bike, we returned to the field and held the Beefies tightly until the drinks break. That is not a euphemism.
    However, it may be that The Fear still lurks among the yellowing grass up there at Fairlea, and all it takes is a couple of loose overs, some balls falling into empty space where a fielder should be and a catch or two going through hands for the tables to be turned as if they were specifically designed to do so, perhaps because they have been made for a catering or functions company that requires that capacity in a table.
    Several massive sixes and some traditional Quokka overthrows later and it was handshakes and congratulations all round for The Beefies.
    Nonetheless, it a testament to the Power of Cricket that this game was played in a spirit very much at odds with the brutalist surrounds. I mean, it could be that maybe the surrounds are actually not that brutal. Maybe this report is overstating the influence of the ground on Quokka fielding. Maybe there is in fact no evil malingering influence that lurks at the ground. Who knows – not me, I am not a Ghostbuster. I do know however that –  much like the type of idealised love that Paul Young and Zucchero long for in the sometimes overlooked hit Senza una Donna – when cricket is played as it was here then winning and losing simply become abstract concepts with which to illustrate, rather than define, the game.
  • From Captain Radar…

    Last weekend the Quokkas returned for the start of the new season against a team we haven’t played before in the Royal Derby.

    The Quokkas sent the opposition in and The Derby went on on take our all start opening attack for quite a few runs with some strong top order batting. After a couple of retirees the innings slowed significantly and the Quokkas were able to keep them to a surprisingly respectable total. The derby also went the way of India and refused to allow the DRS which did cause some controversy. Notable performances in the field:

    Local – 2 wickets and two catches (one caught and bowled)

    Rev – 1/1/grunts

    Ed – 3/14

    With the bat the Quokkas got off to a good start with Dutchy and Snipper opening. Snipper had a new bat.

    After an opening stand in the high 30’s, it was all down hill through the middle order for a while with a classic Quokkas collapse. Local stayed solid up one end though and backed up his good performance with the ball with an innings to keep us in the game. My tactics of putting proven Quokkas performers down the bottom of the order to get us out of trouble nearly paid off and chef, big dog and ed and had a swing and nearly got us over the line. But it was not to be with the Quokkas eventually going down 173-163

    Notable performances with the bat

    Local 37

    Chef 29
    Curto 26

    Thanks everyone for a great game and a welcome back to a new season.

  • A rather belated match report from Captain Local…

    It was a fine day at Fairfield stop

    The Quokkas seemed eager stop Seymours had brought a team of semi-professionals stop

    Much beer had been consumed on the bus from Ballarat stop

    Quokkas batted first stop Made 100ish with solid contributions from most stop

    Big Dog copped one on the eye but gamely batted on stop Seymours then batted stop

    Destroyed the total in very few overs stop

    Local dropped three catches, overtaking JRod’s season total in one game stop

    Quokkas seemed glad for season end stop

    Valiant effort from all at end of long season stop

    looking forward to next year stop

  • The Quokkas were greeted by blustery conditions and a narrow pitch at the Fairlea West oval on Sunday.

    Despite Ed’s assurances that going on averages we had 5 guaranteed wickets, we struggled to make an impact early on. The bowlers toiled hard for little reward but kept it tight, and we went to drinks at 0/77.

    Radar broke the drought first over back and from then on the wickets fell consistently, but the runs flowed as well. The wickets were spread evenly with The Chef, Dutchy, Emu and Jim on debut all chipping in. The catches were not so even, Local and Jim were ball magnets with two each and Radar took a sharp chance behind the stumps.  It was good to see Emu focus his “disappointment” at the Pinnacle having two men at square leg while he attempted a catch into a fiery final over of the innings that claimed a wicket and only cost 2 runs. The square leg umpire was also often padded up and holding a bat, but then for some reason didn’t come in next when a wicket fell.

    The Pinnacle ended up with four retirees and 173 runs.

    After early hiccups the run chase was brought back on track by Chef and Local. By the time they walked hand in hand from the field after retiring in the same over, the platform was set. Shane and Jim were batting well, but the bowling was tight and the field was spread so the required run rate got up to 10/over for the last 5. Shane was run out and Canty stumped chasing quick runs. Jim picked up the scoring and ended up with 33 from 22.  The tail went cheaply looking for boundaries and it was left to Big dog and Dutchy to bring us home. The Doggy sensibly got his arse up the other end so Dutch was the man. 10 to win off 3, nice time to hit the first 6 of the innings!

    Then it was deja vu all over again. Just like last week, bat and ball did not meet for the final two deliveries and we came up 4 short.
    dejavu

    Great effort all round boys.  Jim’s only mistake was setting the bar too high. Was great to see Chris Canty and Bowlin’ Shane back out there for the Quokkas too.

    See you all next time,

    Robbo

  • I had to be in Myrtleford for work yesterday and over the long drive I replayed those final two balls in my head a thousand times and I still missed them.  I think I can put it down to not being able to achieve the firm grip I like on my little master while holding JRod’s. Anyway, to the details…

    In classic Quokkas from 14 players had turned to 11 by Sunday with myself picking up the captains badge curto left behind before heading to the beach. We bowled first to the Prince Patrick and struggled for wickets early on until I turned to Steve “Chef” Waugh and on cue the stumps were rattled. That was the only wicket and significant event of the first 12 overs with the exception of Pup pulling a hammy which effected his onfield enthusiasm the same way a sardine effects the humpback whale migration

    After the drinks there was fielding not seen since roger harper graced the field in a windies shirt. The choke was well and truly put on by everyone but Local who went for two MASSIVE sixes (only sixes of the game). Local did have his revenge when Tuesday took a catch that went so high Cypress Hill would have been impressed. In the normal run of events that would have been the fielding highlight, but in a normal game, the man who Robbo mentioned couldn’t catch ebola at a Sierra Leone teenage pash party, wouldn’t have calmly caught a skier just inside the fine leg boundary. Yes you are reading correctly Jarrod McKenzie took a catch. I took a catch a few balls later and once again the Dog had come on a taken a 2for in an over. To assist my match report he passed me this information on the batsman.

    “First victim (unluckiest man in cricket to be out c JRod b BD) has batted six times this season typically hitting 30 off 10 balls and only out twice. Second victim had played for the team for 2 years scoring over 300 runs and never been dismissed until he encountered the dog’s slower delivery.”

    We kept them to 168 which was in our range so not too much pressure which was evident by the way radar and Snipper strolled between the wickets in their opening partnership. Snip did get the innings going with a lazy 23 off one over and the Quokkas were away. Dog came and went and then JRod and Robbo proceeding to try and run each other out but still somehow kept the score board turning over. Dutchy got the run rate down before walking himself out (“the fielders were all shouting bowlers end!”) and then threw a tanty not seen from him in at least 2 years when Jrod offered him some running between wickets advice.

    It got down to 19 off 3 overs and Tuesday got it down to 7 off the last over, Local was dismissed on the 4th ball with 4 required. I walked to the crease, feeling ok about it as I did this in the game before Christmas. But as the Dog put it at the labour afterwards when he was “consoling” me – Sometimes you are the pigeon and sometimes the statue – and cricket once again humbled another player as I didn’t connect to either ball and we lost by 3 runs. It was tough, I lost plenty of sleep since working out who to blame and then I worked it out…I was distracted by Chef parading around infront of the Townhouses shirt off and chest out.

    Prince Patrick 168 (Dog 2fa, Snipper boundary run out)

    Quokkas 165 (Snipper 36, JRod 23, Radar 20, Ed 0*)

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, January 11 2015 Ramsden Street Oval, Clifton Hill

    Start Time: 1pm

    The Big Picture

    With a new year brings new opportunities, which probably doesn’t bode so well for The Quokkas given their successful record of late. Of the 5 games played by the men in maroon so far this season, 4 have been impressive wins (either by large margins, or against good opponents).  The lads will certainly be hoping that the opportunity in this year of the goat isn’t one to revisit the losers tables at their opponents pubs.

    This match, against the Prince Patrick will be a good litmus test for where the Quokkas are at after the New Year break, with both teams fairly even in their previous encounters.

    Form Guide

    Quokkas: WWWLW

    Prince Patrick: n/a

    In the spotlight:

    Dutchy, freshly back from high altitude training in Canada, is in life-best form; averaging 36 with the bat at a strike rate of 203.  That may not be much chop in baseball terms, but the Dutchman is playing the rectangular bat game now.

    Also, having given up his suspect swing bowling & taken to bowling left-arm Chinamen, he is in the wickets for the first time in several seasons (2 @ 25, compared to his career average of 10 @ 40).

    All this, plus runs and wickets

    All this, plus runs and wickets

    Team News:

    As is often the way first thing on a Monday morning, The Quokkas have 13 available for this game though that is certain to change come midday Sunday. As per the normal custom where there is an excess of players, 2 of the 13 will be ‘bowling only’ players, which will also give the Captain the opportunity to rest less effective bowlers; which is generally all of them.

    Quokkas XIII (possible):

    1. Snipper
    2. Big Dog
    3. Dutchy
    4. Curto (C and W/K)
    5. Chef
    6. Tuesday
    7. Radar
    8. Pup
    9. Shotgun
    10. J Rod
    11. Robbo
    12. Local
    13. Ed

    Pitch and Conditions:

    The Ramsden Street Oval is a biggy, and after a week featuring a mix of rain and sun, the grass could be shoulder height by Sunday.  Toughing out the runs will be the name of the game Sunday, something that Captain Curto will relish in.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • With a 4 off the only ball he faced in the last game, Ed brought up his 100 runs for the season before Christmas.  This was last (famously) done by the Big Dog whose form tapered away steadily from then.  Can Ed avoid the Santa (doesn’t deliver after Christmas) award?
    • Dutchy is 27 runs off 100 runs for the season so far & in startling form;
    • Local is on 97 runs for the season, only bettered by the Big Dog (98).  Runs against that is;
    • If the players listed do play, it will be the first time this season that the Quokkas haven’t fielded a debutant

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Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.