• Match Preview: Quokkas CC v Quokkas CC


    Match Facts:

    Sunday, March 6


    Alphington Park, Parkview Road






    The Big Picture:

    The Quokkas CC was started on a whim but has continued with a substantial dose of fortune.


    It was in 2003 when the Rev, working at a Private Equity firm in London was wondering how he’d fill his day, saw an ad for an indoor cricket league on the newly popular “internets”.


    Emailing an English friend, they quickly decided to enter a team, with neither players nor a name. A recently published article on attacks to the worlds least threatening marsupials, Quokkas, provided inspiration for the name while desperate calls and emails brought in the players.


    The Quokkas spent 2 years in the indoor league without managing to trouble the “win” column too often, eventually taking out a league award for turning up.


    Taking the hint, the Quokkas soon started organising outdoor games against Village sides and tour matches throughout Europe, always striving to find someone worse than them. The endless search goes on.


    Moving back to Australia in 2009, the Rev started up the team again in the Yarra Pub Cricket Association, from which it has moved on to playing regular tour and charity games.


    One of the first players to sign up to the Quokkas in Australia was the Big Dog, his name derived in the Arabic sense, being that it was in relation to the name of his eldest son; Pup.


    This game was originally organised to mark the Big Dogs 50th game for the Quokkas, but a countback has revealed he has already played 55 games.


    Oddly, though, this WILL be the 50th game for 2 other Quokkas stalwarts, Ed and Dutchy.


    The game will be played between past and current Quokkas and see the return of such luminaries as Bad Boy and Lonely.


    Perhaps most importantly, it guarantees that a Quokka team will win the game. Not that that has ever been the point.


    Form Guide:

    The current Quokkas are coming off 2 wins in a row in the YPCA, which is unprecedented in recent times.


    In the spotlight:

    Basically everyone


    Team News:

    After starting the week with 28 available to fill up the 2 teams, the night before the game sees only 23 available, so anything could happen before 10am.


    That being said, the night before also sees The Rev settling in to watch another episode of ‘If you are the one’, so there are definitely bigger problems in the world.


    The available list, for each team, at the time of writing is:

    Quokka Legends:

    1. Big Dog
    2. Pup (c)
    3. Howie
    4. Lonely
    5. Dutchy
    6. Local
    7. Jay
    8. Bad Boy
    9. Tinny
    10. Chef
    11. Bowl’en


    Quokka All-Stars:

    1. Cat
    2. J Rod
    3. Ed
    4. Rev
    5. Snipper
    6. Alex
    7. Gregor
    8. Tuesday
    9. Phantom (c)
    10. Cuz
    11. Nickname AW
    12. Mo*


    Pitch and Conditions:

    The match is to be played at the wondrous Alphington Park, with grass so lush that you just want to spill a catch on it so you can sprawl for a while. That’s my excuse.


    Stats and Trivia:

    • 66 players have turned out for the Quokkas since 2009, with each player playing an average of 9.4 games
    • The average Quokka bats in 8.3 innings, with an average high score of 20.4
    • The average Quokka has taken 5.5 wickets at the cost of 125 runs & has taken an average of 3.4 catches
    • Of the 66 Quokkas to have played for the Quokkas in YPCA-rules games, Big Dog has played 45, with 39 innings, 405 runs (10 not out), with an average of 13.97 and a high score of 35
    • The Big Dog has also taken 27 wickets for 660 runs at 24.44, or 9.71 runs per over, with 11 catches and 1 run-out
    • For the party boys, Ed has 675 runs at 29.35 and Dutchy has 686 at 28.58
    • Ed has 57 fours and 16 sixes, Dutchy 68 fours and 22 sixes
    • Ed has bowled 94.1 overs for 34 wickets at 16.29 and 5.89 runs per over, Dutchy has bowled 80 overs for 13 wickets at 45.69 at 7.43 runs per over












  • “I don’t play for this team to win. I play to have a bit of f**king fun”

    Never has the intent of the Quokkas been better summed up. Not all opponents we come across get the ‘spirit of pub cricket’ but the boys from the Dan O’Connell sure do. We like playing them so much we have taken to ironically calling them the HATED Dan.

    We encountered a late switch of venue from the postage stamp at the Kevin Bartlett Oval to the far more picturesque Burnley Oval. After some initial confusion from the hordes making their way across the City of Yarra this was greeted with general approval and by the end of the day plans were under way to switch the Curto family grudge match to the same venue.

    The Dan took their good nature a little too far by only turning up with 7 players for our last scheduled regular season game. We offered to let them bat as they tried to drum up a few last minute replacements and congratulated ourselves on the impending victory when we had them 3-15 in the first 5 overs. Emu, Phantom, Paris and Cruiser (an Emu recruit from the Proteas via Moorabbin Park) got the bowling off to a fine start.

    Captain Big Dog rung the changes with one over bowling spells the order of the day. At drinks the Dan were 5-63 but as has been common this season we relaxed after drinks and the Dan had a middle order revival, a retiree and boosted their numbers to nine. We took our good nature a little too far when we gave them our new recruit Freo Mike to bat at the end and he promptly hoisted his free hit for six before scrambling a couple of leg byes.

    Somewhere in here Rev had a hissy fit in the process of getting hit for 3 successive fours that seemed to be everyone’s fault except his. He particularly seemed to direct his ire at his mild-mannered captain; the poor, defenceless, hard-working Big Dog. There were knowing looks from those who Paris had told earlier in the season of Rev’s teenage anger management issues and the real reasons behind why he was sent to London.

    We finished with 8 wickets and the stylish Gladys took 4 of those behind the timbers. Emu and Phantom finished with two each with Cruiser, Paris, Rev and Bad Boy each picking up one. There were calls to only let Bad Boy play after a bucks night as he rolled back the years with a hangover/fiery bowling duet just like he used to. Having restricted the Dan to 135 we were confident of knocking them off. You can see what’s coming next.

    The delay with the food at the break, a lack of coleslaw on offer and the hot weather combined to undo our batting effort. Rowdy and Bad Boy opened up and after clubbing 10 off the first over they combined to run our Bad Boy with a direct hit off a risky single. Dutchy clubbed his free hit for 6 over the left centre-field fence but Rowdy departed shortly afterwards and Big Dog’s post-Xmas form slump continued and the only trouble to the scorers was recording 7 dot balls.

    Gladys and Rev came and went for a pleasingly symmetrical (though unhelpful) 7 each to leave us 5 wickets down and the run rate heading skywards. Dutchy top scored with 29 but was determined not to save anything to come back in at the end. In his own words “All bets were off as he sent down an absolute pie and I proceeded to loft it straight down the throat of midwicket”.

    Emu and Phantom built our best partnership of the day and then captain Tom of the Dan offered us a lifeline by putting Rev on to bowl. This was all too much for Emu who already had some conspiracy theory about the Dan and their ever-changing team line up. He edged behind in the next over and as he seemed to be the only person in the suburb that hadn’t heard it he stood there all David Warner style waiting to be given out. We continued our generosity to the Dan by offering them two substitute fielders from our ranks and Gladys upped his catches for the day tally by catching Cruiser for 1.

    J-Rod and Paris brought proceedings to a close as we crumbled to all out for 97. A defeat in pub cricket is always less important than the spirit you play the game in. The Dan even wanted to muscle in on our love affair with the John Curtin and suggested a tri-series. In any case visiting a pub like the Dan O’Connell after a loss never feels like a consolation prize. Big Dog was spotted there late at night staring into his Thunder Road Pale Ale and wondering if he would ever captain a winning side, or take another wicket, or hold onto a catch, or even score another run…


    Not often sited on the field this season, wicket-taker and team wildman, Bad Boy seems to be back in the news & in the fold.

  • In a year in which the Quokkas have been in the eye of paid journalists in all places from Serbia to Melbourne, spreading the good word of social cricket and its benefits, the tabloids have once again been muck-raking out the back of Quokkas HQ and come up with the following story to cast doubt on the LiV Quokkas incumbent B&F: Bad Boy.


    Legal advice is being sought and an official announcement from QHQ is expected asap.


Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.