• Match Details

    Sunday, November 29th

    Fitzroy-Doncaster Cricket Ground

    Schramms Reserve No.2 ground

    JJ Tully Drive, Doncaster

    Start Time

    11:30 toss of the coin for a midday start

    (Does anyone have a coin? Promise I’ll return it)

    The Big Picture

    This week is sure to bring a pantsing to the Quokkas.

    The game is going to be played against a representative State side who are warming up for Nationals, on Turf, with LBW and other rules.

    We are doomed. DOOMED! Lord knows why I tee’d this up at all.

    I've been waiting to use this for ages

    I’ve been waiting to use this for ages

    I’m not going to give this the soft wash: they are going to smash us.

    That being said, the game is only a T20 affair, so we should be done nice and early so we can enjoy the VDCA enjoying their victory.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas are actually coming off a win, there first for the 2015-16 season, after successfully chasing 150 against The Old Bar with 7 overs to spare.

    The win was obtained through some big hitting by Chef (44 off 14), J Rod (41*) and Tuesday (30*).

    Yup, this guy

    Yup, this guy

    The Old Bar did have a couple of good batsmen at the top of the order, like most pub teams, but we aren’t playing a pub team this week & so are potentially facing proper cricketers in the Spinal Tap way.

    All the way to Eleven.

    In the spotlight

    New fella Jay comes into this game with some solid form with bat and ball behind him. Being someone that looks like they can play proper cricket, Jay could very well thrive on a proper deck.

    The Rev has been generous enough to elect to play in this game, his first since the start of the season. In that time he has been focussing on his real cricketing strength; administration, so we can no doubt welcome a strong performance off the field.

    Team News

    Once again the Quokkas start the week one short from the required XI needed to field a side, but the VDCA has suggested they could loan us some players, which is mighty nice of them.

    The ten at the time of writing is:

    1. Alex
    2. Curto (w/k)
    3. Big Dog
    4. Tuesday
    5. Bowl’en
    6. J Rod
    7. Jay
    8. Snipper
    9. Local
    10. Rev (c)

    Pitch and Conditions

    As unbelievable as it sounds, the Quokkas will be playing on a Premier Division wicket this week. This sort of fraudulent behaviour hasn’t been witnessed since Ed introduced himself as an Author.

    The weather is expected to be cool and overcast, so we could well be dealing with more swing than the 70s.

    Stats and Trivia

    • Chefs 44 off 14 last weekend is only second to Rowdys 87 off 23 (3.14 to 3.78) for strike rates for scores over 30 – imagine if he had another 9 deliveries!
    • Chef is also scoring 74% of his runs through boundaries (40% fours, 34% sixes) this season
    • Tuesday doesnt have a batting average this season (yet to be dismissed)
    • Dutchy (2 catches yesterday) increased his career total by 25%
    • The man with 41* – J Rod (269) – sits behind only Dutchy, Ed, Emu, Big Dog & Gladys for career runs
    • Curtos (aka The Wild Things) wicket yesterday, his 6th, dropped his avg with the ball from 43 to 38.5 (31 overs total, 231 runs, 7.45 RPO)
    • There isn’t anything I can say about Local that hasn’t been said before
  • pogonophobia  /p?g?n??f??b??/

    extreme dislike of beards

     

    The natural habitat of the Quokka is northside inner suburban Melbourne. As we have tired of our surrounds the quest has continued to find new locations to spread the quokka legend. This year’s tour game took us far from the hipsters and skinny jeans of Fitzroy to the Gippsland countryside. Stories abounded that our hosts Nerrena had the only other ex-hurler Irish cricketer playing in Victoria. Someone other than Big Dog with a single cross-batted shot and an unorthodox bowling action? That alone was worth investigating further.

    The preceding week was spent with the squad oscillating from 13 down to 10 and with a couple of late additions we had 12 to play. On winning the toss our hosts decided that the decent thing was to give us the choice in any case and so it was that the Quokkas were set to bowl first. Snipper and Eliza arrived rock-star late but our hosts were happy to hold off the start. There was significant net activity and youthful exuberance by our opponents whilst the Quokka pre-match routine consisted of cracking open a few cold cans. All the warning signs were there you might say.

    The innings in the field started well with Ed and Chef keeping it tight. The Nerrena captain poked and prodded to 13 as wickets fell around him. Big Dog had a bowl and that little Waterford versus Kilkenny duel ended honours even. The Quokkas rotated the bowlers and Chef, Alex, Jay and Local all picked up wickets along the way. Impressive catches for Local and Alex off steepling shots and an uncharacteristically generally attentive fielding display left us with a gettable 117 to chase on the wide expanses of the fertile Gippsland dairy paddocks.

    Pretty great.

    Pretty great.

    The sun beat down with lazy sense of optimism at the innings break and all looked well in the world for the Quokkas. An early dismissal for our debutant Ian was followed by a solid partnership of 44 between Alex and Dutchy. Big Dog joined Dutchy to take the score to sitting pretty on 2/64 off 11 overs. But being the Quokkas calamity was never too far away and Big Dog, Snipper and Jay departed in the 12th over leaving us reeling.

    That triple wicket maiden was the turning point from which the Quokkas never recovered. Dutchy was out for 49 and Bowl’en, Cath and Ed couldn’t quite get us there despite some lusty blows in the last few overs. The Redcaps skipper showed his versatility with a spell of death bowling to clinch victory for his side. So in this particular Irish civil war it was keeping with the pattern of history as once again black and amber ruled supreme over white and blue. Tiocfaidh ár lá.

    Thanks to Brian for organising and for the whole club at Nerrena for hosting us on the day. It was a measure of the enjoyment from our side that when a return game in Melbourne was mooted one of the recently defeated Quokka batsman quickly added “stuff that, we’re coming down here again”. Big Dog retains the anti-Midas touch with a perfect record of 4 losses from 4 games as captain. Surely Winston Churchill had the Quokkas in mind when we said “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm”.

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, November 22

    Fairlea East Oval, Yarra Bend

    Time:

    13:00 EST

    The Big Picture:

    For a team that prides itself on participation over a focus on wins and losses, this season has been a real winner for the Quokkas. Going into the game with only ten available to play after 3 steady losses, the saggy maroons are in top form to play a team new to the YPCA league.

    This version of the Old Bar is new to the competition & little is known about their cricketing or drinking prowess. I’d like to think they are a rag-tag bunch of plucky misfits, but maybe that’s because I’ve been watching The Goonies again.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas go into this game still winless for the 2015/16 season, having snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in their last game against the good folk in Nerrena.

    In the Spotlight:

    Tuesday comes back into the team at the top of the order with his big-hitting housemate, the Quokkas are hoping that the man under the ink can bring some more big runs to start the innings.

    After opening with Dutchy last week, Alex helped put on a 44 run stand & also bowled his customary deep, deep heat – though without the short balls. If he can keep this form up, he could well go home with a firm piece of plastic in his hands on Gownlow night.

    Team News:

    After the rush to play at the start of the season, the Quokkas only have 10 available for match day at the time of writing for the second week in a row. With several on standby, we should get the XI up fine.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Absolutely nothing.

    Absolutely nothing.

    The Ten at the time of writing is:

    1. Pup
    2. Curto (c)
    3. Dutchy
    4. Local
    5. Tuesday
    6. Tuesdays housemate (man Friday)
    7. Chef
    8. Alex
    9. Jay
    10. Nick A-W

    Pitch and Conditions:

    And so the Quokkas trek back to Fairlea East, the home of knee grazes where backpackers go to disappear. Also the home of Shotguns 30, its truly the modern Bermuda Triangle. The ground is likely to be dry with a fast outfield, have no running water available or toilets. What a glamorous life these Quokkas lead.

    On the plus side, its only going to be 21 degrees.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Incredibly, Tuesday and Chef both sit on 142 runs off 9 innings with 3 not outs each – for a matching average of 23.67
    • Tuesday has, though, taken 13 catches – better than 1 per match
    • If Pup should bat in this match, it will be his 20th innings for the Quokkas. He has scored 248 runs (9th highest) @ 19.08 for his career and taken 17 wickets (4th highest) @ 15.12 (so far)
  • From Captain Local….

    “The only things that are certain in life are death and taxes”, said someone who had obviously not picked up Dennis Rodman’s autobiography Bad As I Wanna Be and experienced the clear insight that this was indeed a book that should be judged by it’s cover and left unread.
    To this list of certain things can be added “catches win matches”.
    Fairlea West is a hard place for a gentle game. You go there without hope, because in a place like this hope gets sucked down to the dirty river along with the rest of the rubbish, and who’s got enough of it to spare? The freeway cuts a canyon behind the ground, the toilet block is locked (whether to keep you out or to keep something worse in) and running water is like human kindness in the rush to secure an overhead locker on the Tiger flight back from Bali – nowehre to be found.
    I heard a story once about this kid who used to wash dishes at a greasy spoon on Smith Street, back when you had to watch out that junkies didn’t steal the spoons, greasy or otherwise. He played in a punk/polka 5-piece called “Zombie Arse” and had some connections with a group of anarchists who ran a popular underground chess night out of a mouldy squat near Victoria Park. This dishwasher punk-rock anarchist kid took some bad acid one night and ran off up to Fairlea West, trying to shake The Fear. There on the narrow, mean strip of concrete that gets called the pitch, The Fear caught up with him. That kid is an old man now, living behind the torn and tattered flywire door of a one-bedroom flat in Thomastown, and his neighbours know to ignore his panicked cries in the night.
    The Quokkas batted first against the Curtain (The Beefies) and with solid contributions from most everyone – Tuesday and Dutchy the retirees – posted a competitive total of 7/174. After an excellent  lunch effort from Radar and Smallgoods on the bbq bike, we returned to the field and held the Beefies tightly until the drinks break. That is not a euphemism.
    However, it may be that The Fear still lurks among the yellowing grass up there at Fairlea, and all it takes is a couple of loose overs, some balls falling into empty space where a fielder should be and a catch or two going through hands for the tables to be turned as if they were specifically designed to do so, perhaps because they have been made for a catering or functions company that requires that capacity in a table.
    Several massive sixes and some traditional Quokka overthrows later and it was handshakes and congratulations all round for The Beefies.
    Nonetheless, it a testament to the Power of Cricket that this game was played in a spirit very much at odds with the brutalist surrounds. I mean, it could be that maybe the surrounds are actually not that brutal. Maybe this report is overstating the influence of the ground on Quokka fielding. Maybe there is in fact no evil malingering influence that lurks at the ground. Who knows – not me, I am not a Ghostbuster. I do know however that –  much like the type of idealised love that Paul Young and Zucchero long for in the sometimes overlooked hit Senza una Donna – when cricket is played as it was here then winning and losing simply become abstract concepts with which to illustrate, rather than define, the game.
  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, November 15

    The ground is on Nerrena Hall Rd a short distance west off the C454 at Nerrena.

    Start Time:

    1pm

    The Big Picture:

    It is with great excitement that the Tour match for the 2015/16 season has come upon us.

    While the tour match is normally the first game of the season and/or a good excuse for the team to get away together to see some of the sights of this fine country (e.g. the Barossa Valley, the Tay valley, Ballarat), this years looks to be much more low-key with the vast majority of the team heading up on the morning of the game itself.

    The highlight from Ballarat

    The highlight from Ballarat

    This may be due to increased parenting duties by the majority of the team, or the organizational abilities of the tour organizer (the Big Dog) or a combination of the two.

    Most likely the latter though.

    The game against the Nerrena 3rd XI is a welcome opportunity to travel to Gippsland to take in the famous hospitality of the region, the South Gippsland rail trail, the tourist railway and (possibly) the Mirboo North brewery.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas are going into this game with a winless record for the 2015/16 season, going down to the Royal Derby by 10 runs then the Curtin Hotel by 8 wickets last week.

    Also going against the boys in maroon is that this game will be played using normal T20 rules, so there will be; LBWs, first-ball outs, Wides, Extras and other rules that go against the pub-cricketers norm.

    Its not-not cricket, I tells ya.

    Little is known about the form of the Nerrena 3rd XI, largely as a combination of laziness on my part, as well as their Facebook page being a closed group.

    In the Spotlight:

    The Big Dog goes into this game as Captain, being the organiser of the game. The Veteran is in mixed form so far this season, cracking some late-order runs (including a scintillating hockey-paddle six into the carpark) against the Royal Derby as well as taking a wicket in that game. His game against the Curtin wasn’t as successful, yielding 8 runs and his 2 overs going for 14.

    His cricketing nous and experience is likely to be tested to the fullest this Sunday with the LBW rule in play, as well as a fleet of bowlers used to playing with no ‘Wide’ rule. More important still will be his recruiting ability to get a full XI up in time.

    The man is an excitement machine.

    The man is an excitement machine.

    Dutchy has started the 2015/16 season in promising big-hitting form, with 60% of his runs coming from boundaries (48% fours, 12% sixes). With the opportunity to not be asked to bowl in this game, the man in the van could seriously gather some votes & keep them.

    Team News:

    Unlike the previous 2 matches, the Quokkas only have ten good men and true available for this game at the time of writing. Given that we had 12 available on the Monday before the last game, 2 pull out before the weekend, yet managed to find another 2 – we should be OK to put forward a full XI. That being said, its very likely the majority of the team still hasn’t realized the game is in Gippsland and may pull out due to conflicting Soccer / live Gig / hair washing interests.

    The Ten at the time of writing is:

    1. Big Dog (c)
    2. Ed
    3. Bowl’en
    4. Dutchy
    5. Chef
    6. Snipper
    7. Jay
    8. Alex
    9. Local
    10. J Rod

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Very little is known about the pitch at Nerrena, but being Gippsland you can pretty easily bet that the ground has seen a fair amount of rain since the last ice age.

    Artists impression of Gippsland in Summer

    Artists impression of Gippsland in Summer

    The Quokkas are hoping desperately that we aren’t playing on turf. Wet weather, turf and shoes without spikes make for an interesting game (as the Bushrangers recently learned).

    Its set to be a sunny 21 degrees in Melbourne on Sunday, so may hit the heights of 19 in Nerrena.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Given that this isn’t a YPCA game, the stats won’t count come end of season time, though they will be recorded;
    • On the YPCA stats, J Rod has now bowled 58.5 overs, the most of all time…behind only Ed (85.1), Dutchy (71), Big Dog & Emu (63), Robbo and Rev (59);
    • For his efforts, J Rod has collected 16 wickets at 21.25, going at 5.81 RPO;
    • While the Quokkas mostly use the internet for geo-caching and other nefarious purposes, Tuesday has generously set us up with an Instagram account! Look us up at QUOKKAS_CC

     

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, November 8

    Ground TBC

    Start Time:

    1pm

    The Big Picture:

    I’m going to just put this out there…the Quokkas love the Beefies.

    One of our longest-standing opponents and a great bunch of blokes to boot, there has been some cracking matches and moments between the two teams, not least the Beefies first-ever Pub league win!

    Other moments of merit from previous Beefy-Quokka encounters include Rowdy’s 87 off 23 balls (not mentioned in Eds book), Revs cover drive off one knee, Chefs 3/18 off 3 and the time Dutchy (while captaining) pleaded with the team for one more wicket – when the game was already won.

    Good times.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas started the 2015/16 season with an honorable loss, going down to the Royal Derby by 10 runs.

    Given that the Derby’s opening 3 put on 116 runs after 13 overs with the rest putting on 57 in the remaining 12, and the Quokkas had a much more even performance (only 1 retiree & 7 wicket takers).

    It’s a good sign from the boys in Maroon & form that will be needed to battle the high-scoring & hard-drinking “BEEFIES”.

    Little is known about the BEEFIES start to the season, though it almost certainly involved a Ford Laser, a case of Fireball and the girls from the Playboy 2015 Calendar.

    What happens in the Laser, stays in the Laser

    What happens in the Laser, stays in the Laser

    In the spotlight:

    Local is coming off arguably his best performance as a Quokka, with 37 not out, 2 wickets and 2 catches (we won’t mention the drops). In the spirit of reactive field placements, we have made him Captain for this match.

    The quietly conquering Chef clocked up his 10th YPCA match for the Quokkas last weekend, and another wicket in the process. Our Kiwi-import has been smiling from ear-to-ear since the All Blacks won something on the weekend, one can only hope he continues his sleep-deprived & excellent form.

    Team News:

    For the second week in a row, the Quokkas look like they will have a full XI come game day, with the added bonus of a possible 12th man available on the day. Unheard of.

    The availables (at the time of writing) are:

    1. Big Dog
    2. Ed
    3. Dutchy
    4. Local (c)
    5. Tuesday
    6. J Rod
    7. Snipper
    8. Chef
    9. Bowl’en
    10. Jim
    11. Jay
    12. Pup?

    Pitch and Conditions:

    As of 6 days before the match, I still haven’t been told where the game is. Any insights would be really, really great. The good people at the Bureau of Meteorology tell me its going to be at least 27 degrees, so a pleasant afternoon wherever we are.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Chef played his 10th YPCA game on the weekend & took his 12th wicket in the process. His average of 10 runs per wicket at 5.22 RPO is simply startling
    • This weekends match will be Snippers 10th, the man in new trousers currently has a batting average of 60.33
    • Along with taking a sensational catch last weekend, Dutchy also scored his 600th run for the club (the record). The man in orange has a batting average of 26.09, with 10 not outs, 55 fours and 21 sixes. Don’t ask about his “bowling” (aka. Throwing) average
  • From Captain Radar…

    Last weekend the Quokkas returned for the start of the new season against a team we haven’t played before in the Royal Derby.

    The Quokkas sent the opposition in and The Derby went on on take our all start opening attack for quite a few runs with some strong top order batting. After a couple of retirees the innings slowed significantly and the Quokkas were able to keep them to a surprisingly respectable total. The derby also went the way of India and refused to allow the DRS which did cause some controversy. Notable performances in the field:

    Local – 2 wickets and two catches (one caught and bowled)

    Rev – 1/1/grunts

    Ed – 3/14

    With the bat the Quokkas got off to a good start with Dutchy and Snipper opening. Snipper had a new bat.

    After an opening stand in the high 30’s, it was all down hill through the middle order for a while with a classic Quokkas collapse. Local stayed solid up one end though and backed up his good performance with the ball with an innings to keep us in the game. My tactics of putting proven Quokkas performers down the bottom of the order to get us out of trouble nearly paid off and chef, big dog and ed and had a swing and nearly got us over the line. But it was not to be with the Quokkas eventually going down 173-163

    Notable performances with the bat

    Local 37

    Chef 29
    Curto 26

    Thanks everyone for a great game and a welcome back to a new season.

   

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