• To the delight of all, the Hairdresser has coiffured a fine set of fixtures for 2015:

    • 10th May – Hartfield away
    • 24th May – Barnes Common – TBC
    • 31st May – St Anne’s Allstars away
    • 7th June – Salix away
    • 21st June – Wantage – TBC
    • 5th July – Whalers away
    • 11th July – The Cotswold Experience – TBC
    • 19th July – ISIS away
    • 26th July – Tusmore away

    All 2pm starts at the moment

  • The Quokkas were greeted by blustery conditions and a narrow pitch at the Fairlea West oval on Sunday.

    Despite Ed’s assurances that going on averages we had 5 guaranteed wickets, we struggled to make an impact early on. The bowlers toiled hard for little reward but kept it tight, and we went to drinks at 0/77.

    Radar broke the drought first over back and from then on the wickets fell consistently, but the runs flowed as well. The wickets were spread evenly with The Chef, Dutchy, Emu and Jim on debut all chipping in. The catches were not so even, Local and Jim were ball magnets with two each and Radar took a sharp chance behind the stumps.  It was good to see Emu focus his “disappointment” at the Pinnacle having two men at square leg while he attempted a catch into a fiery final over of the innings that claimed a wicket and only cost 2 runs. The square leg umpire was also often padded up and holding a bat, but then for some reason didn’t come in next when a wicket fell.

    The Pinnacle ended up with four retirees and 173 runs.

    After early hiccups the run chase was brought back on track by Chef and Local. By the time they walked hand in hand from the field after retiring in the same over, the platform was set. Shane and Jim were batting well, but the bowling was tight and the field was spread so the required run rate got up to 10/over for the last 5. Shane was run out and Canty stumped chasing quick runs. Jim picked up the scoring and ended up with 33 from 22.  The tail went cheaply looking for boundaries and it was left to Big dog and Dutchy to bring us home. The Doggy sensibly got his arse up the other end so Dutch was the man. 10 to win off 3, nice time to hit the first 6 of the innings!

    Then it was deja vu all over again. Just like last week, bat and ball did not meet for the final two deliveries and we came up 4 short.

    Great effort all round boys.  Jim’s only mistake was setting the bar too high. Was great to see Chris Canty and Bowlin’ Shane back out there for the Quokkas too.

    See you all next time,


  • Sacked Social Secretary and serial second best & fairest, Lord Faggy Frumkin Jr III, took some time off from modelling/acting/whatevering to visit the spiritual, and actual, home of the Quokkas – Rottnest Island.







    Rumours that Steph has smuggled one back to the UK for a mascot are being strenuously denied back at Faggy HQ.

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, January 18 – Fairlea West Oval, Fairfield

    Start Time: 1pm

    The Big Picture:

    Despite being hidden in the recesses of Yarra Bend Park, this match may well prove to be a gauge of how the rest of The Quokkas 2014/15 season will pan out. After going into 2015 with a 4-1 record, The Quokkas dropped their first game of 2015 (against The Prince Patrick) despite being in a winnable position for most of it.

    The Pinnacle are always a good opposition and provided the men in the saggy maroons their only Pub League win of the 2013/14 season.  That being said, much of that victory was down to the Pinnacles disposition to drink their way through games, rather than just play cricket.

    With a litany of unavailable players, this game is anything but a sure win for The Quokkas.

    Form Guide:

    Quokkas: LWLWWW

    The Pinnacle: n/a

    In the Spotlight:

    Emu has been out of the side for a few games now after starting the season in spectacular fashion before moving onto his REAL cricket side, where he has been taking 8-fers.

    The Big Dog has flown under the radar this season, but may well be in all-round career best form.  Averaging 19 with the ball, having taken 6 wickets at 1.8 overs per wicket, he has become a semi-regular opening bowler and very-regular wicket taker. His 67 runs at 22 have also been welcome, particularly at the previously unimaginable strike-rate of 0.92.

    The man is an excitement machine.

    The man is an excitement machine.

    Team News:

    As per usual, the week started with more than enough players available for this game, though the availability dropped to -2 by Wednesday. Thankfully we have been able to rope in previous “Ringer” Chris Canty and Radars mate Jim, who will be the 57th player to line up for The Quokkas.

    Aside from these two, there is a smattering of regulars (Ed, Big Dog, Local, Dutchy, Radar, Chef and Robbo) available, the Big Emu is returning after the end of the school holidays & we see the return of “Ball’en” Shane who has not been sighted since pushing balls hit off The Rev over the boundary for 4 in Ballarat.

    Quokkas XI (probable):

    1. Chef
    2. Ed
    3. Ball’en
    4. “Jim”
    5. Chris Canty
    6. Radar
    7. Big Dog
    8. Dutchy
    9. Emu
    10. Robbo (c)
    11. Local

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Fairlea West is normally a Pub League cricketers nightmare, with a dry-as-a-bone outfield that seems to rip skin off ones leg just by walking near it, let alone diving on it. With some steady rainfall over the last fortnight though, conditions should be softer for the fieldsmen.

    This is the oval that was notable for 2 main events last season; one being Dutchy’s return throw which ended up in Uluru, and the other being Shotguns 31* – giving him 35 career runs (the only other runs being a 4 edged through slips).


    That’s right, this man hit a 31*. God bless Pub Cricket.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Tuesday has as many career catches as Ed (7) in 26 less games (31 to 5);
    • Robbo has now scored 150 career runs from 17 innings, including 2 not out, giving a tidy average of 10 with 16 fours and 2 sixes;
    • The batting award for this season is sure to go down to the wire, with Ed (100 runs), Snipper (99) & Duchy (92) all making the charge, while Radar (83) and Local (79) are only a good innings away;
    • The bowling award is also looking as tight as the proverbial, with Chef and Ed tied (8 wickets), the Big Dog making a late charge (6) and a couple of serious contenders not far behind (Emu and Local, both 5)
  • I had to be in Myrtleford for work yesterday and over the long drive I replayed those final two balls in my head a thousand times and I still missed them.  I think I can put it down to not being able to achieve the firm grip I like on my little master while holding JRod’s. Anyway, to the details…

    In classic Quokkas from 14 players had turned to 11 by Sunday with myself picking up the captains badge curto left behind before heading to the beach. We bowled first to the Prince Patrick and struggled for wickets early on until I turned to Steve “Chef” Waugh and on cue the stumps were rattled. That was the only wicket and significant event of the first 12 overs with the exception of Pup pulling a hammy which effected his onfield enthusiasm the same way a sardine effects the humpback whale migration

    After the drinks there was fielding not seen since roger harper graced the field in a windies shirt. The choke was well and truly put on by everyone but Local who went for two MASSIVE sixes (only sixes of the game). Local did have his revenge when Tuesday took a catch that went so high Cypress Hill would have been impressed. In the normal run of events that would have been the fielding highlight, but in a normal game, the man who Robbo mentioned couldn’t catch ebola at a Sierra Leone teenage pash party, wouldn’t have calmly caught a skier just inside the fine leg boundary. Yes you are reading correctly Jarrod McKenzie took a catch. I took a catch a few balls later and once again the Dog had come on a taken a 2for in an over. To assist my match report he passed me this information on the batsman.

    “First victim (unluckiest man in cricket to be out c JRod b BD) has batted six times this season typically hitting 30 off 10 balls and only out twice. Second victim had played for the team for 2 years scoring over 300 runs and never been dismissed until he encountered the dog’s slower delivery.”

    We kept them to 168 which was in our range so not too much pressure which was evident by the way radar and Snipper strolled between the wickets in their opening partnership. Snip did get the innings going with a lazy 23 off one over and the Quokkas were away. Dog came and went and then JRod and Robbo proceeding to try and run each other out but still somehow kept the score board turning over. Dutchy got the run rate down before walking himself out (“the fielders were all shouting bowlers end!”) and then threw a tanty not seen from him in at least 2 years when Jrod offered him some running between wickets advice.

    It got down to 19 off 3 overs and Tuesday got it down to 7 off the last over, Local was dismissed on the 4th ball with 4 required. I walked to the crease, feeling ok about it as I did this in the game before Christmas. But as the Dog put it at the labour afterwards when he was “consoling” me – Sometimes you are the pigeon and sometimes the statue – and cricket once again humbled another player as I didn’t connect to either ball and we lost by 3 runs. It was tough, I lost plenty of sleep since working out who to blame and then I worked it out…I was distracted by Chef parading around infront of the Townhouses shirt off and chest out.

    Prince Patrick 168 (Dog 2fa, Snipper boundary run out)

    Quokkas 165 (Snipper 36, JRod 23, Radar 20, Ed 0*)

  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, January 11 2015 Ramsden Street Oval, Clifton Hill

    Start Time: 1pm

    The Big Picture

    With a new year brings new opportunities, which probably doesn’t bode so well for The Quokkas given their successful record of late. Of the 5 games played by the men in maroon so far this season, 4 have been impressive wins (either by large margins, or against good opponents).  The lads will certainly be hoping that the opportunity in this year of the goat isn’t one to revisit the losers tables at their opponents pubs.

    This match, against the Prince Patrick will be a good litmus test for where the Quokkas are at after the New Year break, with both teams fairly even in their previous encounters.

    Form Guide

    Quokkas: WWWLW

    Prince Patrick: n/a

    In the spotlight:

    Dutchy, freshly back from high altitude training in Canada, is in life-best form; averaging 36 with the bat at a strike rate of 203.  That may not be much chop in baseball terms, but the Dutchman is playing the rectangular bat game now.

    Also, having given up his suspect swing bowling & taken to bowling left-arm Chinamen, he is in the wickets for the first time in several seasons (2 @ 25, compared to his career average of 10 @ 40).

    All this, plus runs and wickets

    All this, plus runs and wickets

    Team News:

    As is often the way first thing on a Monday morning, The Quokkas have 13 available for this game though that is certain to change come midday Sunday. As per the normal custom where there is an excess of players, 2 of the 13 will be ‘bowling only’ players, which will also give the Captain the opportunity to rest less effective bowlers; which is generally all of them.

    Quokkas XIII (possible):

    1. Snipper
    2. Big Dog
    3. Dutchy
    4. Curto (C and W/K)
    5. Chef
    6. Tuesday
    7. Radar
    8. Pup
    9. Shotgun
    10. J Rod
    11. Robbo
    12. Local
    13. Ed

    Pitch and Conditions:

    The Ramsden Street Oval is a biggy, and after a week featuring a mix of rain and sun, the grass could be shoulder height by Sunday.  Toughing out the runs will be the name of the game Sunday, something that Captain Curto will relish in.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • With a 4 off the only ball he faced in the last game, Ed brought up his 100 runs for the season before Christmas.  This was last (famously) done by the Big Dog whose form tapered away steadily from then.  Can Ed avoid the Santa (doesn’t deliver after Christmas) award?
    • Dutchy is 27 runs off 100 runs for the season so far & in startling form;
    • Local is on 97 runs for the season, only bettered by the Big Dog (98).  Runs against that is;
    • If the players listed do play, it will be the first time this season that the Quokkas haven’t fielded a debutant


Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.