• Burnley Oval. Full sun. We did knock up a ton.

    Plus seventy-odd, 3 retired.

    With Quokka’s as host and speed set to ‘coast’

    The Cruiser and Ed’s engines fired.


    A Tuesday quick knock. A baseball de Kock

    A boundary that stretched on for miles.

    Contributions abound- that sweet willow sound

    Reverse sweeping Tall Bird drew smiles.


    Then off for some lunch. A mountain goat punch

    The cycle of Dutchy full sizzle.

    Till centre was sought (these batsman look taught?!)

    But Robbo- well he brought his shizzle.


    Big Dog on the job with his sinister lob

    And Curto, full stretch looking happy

    Pitch it up was the call. Slowly wickets did fall.

    But the Marquis never once soiled the nappy.


    For the Lorne did not cease. Magic out on the crease.

    With boundary’s found in quick succession.

    And panic did reign. Much to Local’s disdain.

    Over throws mixed with school yard regression.


    But Ed kept his head. Even at the death (bed)

    And the Mu hit for six, rose above it.

    And the gods sat back pleased. Acting captain just breathed.

    We don’t like cricket. Oh no. We love it!

  • Cricket as an exercise in cultural diplomacy has its highs and lows. There is the West Indian tour of Australia in 1960-61 which ended in a ticker tape parade for the visitors, through the streets of Sydney; at the other end of the scale is the Monkeygate affair of 2008-09 and Bodyline.

    For the Quokkas it is similarly the case. The first of this year’s tour matches, south of the river to Port Melbourne, resulted in a 7pm finish, accusations of score-book tampering and a foul-smelling man with a beard insulting Curto.
    Sunday’s tour game in Ballarat on the other hand – against the Seymours All-Stars, representing Seymours on Lydiard Hotel – was played in great spirit and saw the two sides put aside their many cultural differences (for example, a preference for Carlton Draught over Melbourne Bitter) to come together in the cause of cricket. Curto still copped insults from a man with a beard, but this time it was Ed, so no more than the usual harm done.
    On a typically delightful spring day in Ballarat, the rain had stopped bucketing down by about 30 minutes before the start of play, which gave the pitch enough time to improve from a surface like a wet sponge into that of a greasy Chux wipe.
    The King of Pitches

    The King of Pitches

    The Seymours All-Stars hadn’t quite got the concept of pub cricket and turned up in whites, with several players whose skill levels actually matched or exceeded their enthusiasm for cricket. They didn’t have shirts with their names on them though……
    The Quokkas fielded first and managed to restrict the home team to 110 by the drinks break, for the loss of three wickets. Included in these was a fantastic running catch on the boundary from Chef, ignoring the pain of his injured ankle through willpower and heavy pain-killers alone.
    The All-Stars’ top order had done some damage – including a six in to the nearby river – but had been drawn in to playing rash shots, exposing the middle order once play resumed. In a move of searingly astute captaincy, Dutchy was brought back on to bowl and claimed two wickets in one over (including a clean bowled off a rank full-toss, the noblest of all wickets), giving the Quokkas more than just a sliver of hope. However some late hitters pushed the score quickly, held back only briefly by another fantastic catch by Chef, this time off his own bowling. Keep taking those pain-killers, Chef!
    Our MVP

    Our MVP

    Set 211 for victory, the Quokkas started well with 11 off the first over, before a mini collapse of 3 wickets was halted by Dutchy and Mo. Steadying the ship by repeatedly slogging it over long-on (just for something different),  Dutchy retired on 39, his high score. Local and Snipper then steered the Quokkas to drinks.
    After the break, the Quokkas held on against some sharpish bowlers, Local feeling the brunt of one particular ball that proved what a valuable aide the box is for every cricketer, amateur or professional.
    A steady fall of wickets however kept the All-Stars on top, despite some excellent resistance from Cat and a maiden retirement from Snipper – well played. Ed managed to lift the run-rate towards the end but time got the better of the Quokkas, falling 30-odd runs short of the Seymours total.
    Nonetheless, it was a top-quality effort from all of the Quokkas against a team that could have run away with it but instead found themselves in a genuine contest.
    The quality of their team may have been due to them thinking they were playing "Melbourne"....

    The quality of their team may have been due to them thinking they were playing “Melbourne”….

    Well done to all the Quokkas who made the journey up the freeway – the Seymours team had a great day out and are keen for a return match, and it was a top afternoon for all concerned.
  • The Jugged Hare had the honour of holding London’s premier social event of the year, The Quokkas CC Presentation Evening 2014. A small, yet select, list of guests were entertained in the usual manner with tales of sporting ineptitude on the pitch and one or two stories of actual cricketing prowess, punctuated with a smattering of awards for outstanding contributions to Quokkadom this season.

    t20 Award: Dr Martin


    Andrew Smithers Champagne Moment: The Skip for arguing with a greek man


    Quokkette Award: Slick for general lady entertaining


    Egg Bravery Award: Belinda for baby life saving at the Ashes

    With points awarded for each match, the race for Best & Fairest was wide open again this this year with a number of Quokkas vying for the major prize of the evening. Once the reckoning was reckoned, his satanic majesticness Evil Dave emerged victorious for his role as this year’s leading wicket-taker and pinch hitter extraordinaire.


    Darkness rises

    A smattering of season statistics for the data junkies among you

    Results: Played 9; Won 3; Lost 6

    Highest Totals:

    • Quokkas – 216/5 vs Salix
    • Opposition – 237/7 Barnes Common

    Lowest Totals:

    • Quokkas – 101 ao vs Whalers
    • Opposition – 85 ao Hartfield

    Most Runs: Conan The Destroyer – 128 @ 25.6

    Highest Score: Gladys – 78 against Salix

    Most Wickets: Evil Dave – 9 @ 14.9

    Best Bowling: Mr Saucisson – 4/14 against Hartfield


    • Evil Dave overtook both Shandy to move to 5th on all time leading run scorers (572), and The Egg to move 2nd on the wicket takers list (46)
    • Faggy snook past the Praying Mantis to move to 3rd top career batsmen (741)
    • Tom the Yak powered past The Attack and Binman to reach 4th on the career bowling stats (37)
    • Slick played his 25th game in Quokka Colours
    • Mr Saucisson retired back to the colonies from with the superb record of Played 11, Runs 168@18.7, Wickets 19@9.0
  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, November 16

    White Flat Oval, Hickman and Moyle Street, Bakery Hill

    Start Time: 1pm

    The Big Picture

    With The Quokkas winning the first two games of the Summer, spirits are up and available numbers are high.  This game should change all of that back to normal programming.

    While Ballarat was once the richest city on earth, its fall back to earth hasn’t been without highlights, particularly as the producer of sporting excellence.


    Normally being dropped by Melbourne and playing for GWS wouldn’t equate to sporting super-stardom, but this bloke is an exception

    As a result, The Quokkas go into this game expecting much the same result as that which they experienced on tour in Adelaide and Launceston.

    Similar to previous tour games, this match is a friendly, with no impact on league tables or rankings.  Any funds on the day will go towards local charities.

    The game is being played on turf, which will suit the long list of slower bowlers on the Quokkas list, it may well also suit the seamers from Seymours on Lydiard (SOL).

    Form Guide:

    Quokkas: WLLWW

    SOL: n/a

    In the Spotlight:

    Returning to his hometown, the destroyer behind the stumps (Curto) has been in sumptuous form.  Conservatively involved in 40% of all dismissals this season, the home-town boy has an opportunity to show how far he has come from the emotional kid with sausage roll arms that left the ‘Rat all those years ago.

    There are a few more familiar and new faces in the Squad this week, with the return of Mo for the first time since last season.  Everyones favourite bowler that wears his hat on top of his head is back this week for some push ups, accurate slower balls and boundary slogging (Mo has as many sixes as fours (5)).


    I’m back and I’m excited

    Joining Curto and Mo will be Tulip, who hasn’t turned out for the Quokkas since their match against the Tramways way back in 2009/10.  “Tulio” swore off the game after suffering from heat stroke for the 3 days that followed it, though this may have more to do with him playing in black jeans, a black t shirt and black boots.

    Team News:

    Once again the Quokkas have an array of players available for this game, which should make the Sunday morning drop-outs less of a worry.

    Cat returns for another bat, though wont be bowling, which will open up space for a bowling only player.  Captain Local will make the hard call on Sunday morning.

    Quokkas XIII (probable):

    1. Dutchy
    2. Shane
    3. Cat (bat only)
    4. Chef
    5. Snipper
    6. Tuesday
    7. Big Dog
    8. Curto (w/k)
    9. Tulip
    10. Ed
    11. Local (c)
    12. Mo
    13. Rev

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Ballarat is experiencing a fairly regular spring, which means cool weather and a fair bit of rain.  There is every chance that the pitch will be a greentop & the fielders will be in long sleeves.

    Oh goody

    Oh goody

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Mo returns to the Quokkas for his 19th match, with as many fours as sixes (5), the only player to have this stat;
    • Ed will take full advantage of Emu’s absence & look to put daylight between them on the all-time wicket tally (Ed on 23, Emu on 21);
    • Dutchy (383 career runs) is aching to catch Ed (411) on the all-time runs list, so we could see some damage done to the Mallow Hotel


    “You won’t find a fine leg up there. Maybe a short backward one.”

    – Local, on the locals

  • IMG_0186It seems that the resident Quokka media-darling and parental-leave expoert, The Phantom, can’t let 2 young children stop him from getting in the public eye, this time scooping headlines as part of Melbourne Cup week.

    No long face on him!


Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.