• Yes, after all the barren months the cricket season is back….. this sunday!!

    Whalers face the mighty Quokkas at Regents park. Pre-season has been tough, mentally and physically. After some impressive net performances, competition for places in the team is fierce…..

    Team for Sunday:

    • Skip
    • Egg
    • Attack
    • Snoop
    • Hairdresser
    • Faggie
    • Evil Dave
    • Casey
    • Alex P
    • Tom the Yak
    • Chris F

    1st reserves: Guru, Khurram.

    If you cannot make it on Sunday, please let Skip know asap as reserves are keen. As it is quite early in the season we want to try and start early-ish. We can then ensure we finish when it is light and not too cold?! Therefore 12:30 meet for a 1pm start (please try and be on time). If you have not played at Regents park before. It is a nice ground, we have hired a grass pitch. It is based at ‘The Hub’ which is the sports pavilion/cafe next to the zoo. Parking is on the roads around the park. Outside the circle there is free parking or it is by the meter right next to the park.

    Homemade cakes and quiche are greatly appreciated.




  • The sun has finally appeared, it’s light after half past seven at night and a chorus of groaning and creaking joints has been heard eminating from the nets in St. John’s Wood. This can only mean one thing – the start of the 2013 Quokkas cricket season!

    Yes pitches have been booked, the Skip has been liberating new kit and Faggy has requested some better balls so we can release the fixture list into the wild thus:

    Now start praying for a lack of rain.




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  • At one win each for the Quokkas and the John Curtin earlier this season this game shaped up to be a thrilling conclusion to an unprecedented tri-series. Actually the real story was that the Rainbow were due to play the Curtin but some inter-club(pub) fallout meant that the Rainbow faded (see what I did there) and left the Curtin with the picturesque Burney Oval booked but no-one to go to the dance with.


    What to do in such a situation? Call in your favourite pub cricket team and the only bunch who have so little planned for their weekend that they could rustle up a full 11 just by a few quick emails on a Thursday. Gladys also took the opportunity to blood a few Barbarians and more of the youthful talent of Upper Beaconsfield Cricket Club meaning we had four debutants in Wazza, Brendan, Rory and Matt. This worked out well for the Big Dog as with another Irish person on the team he had some rivalry for player with least natural cricketing talent.


    Dutchy was captain for the day so some crazy pitching rotations and the designated hitter were always likely to be the order of the day. Emu turned up sporting a grade one heartstring tear (or something like that) and saving himself for the upcoming Barbarians game. The upside was he filled in the neatest scorebook of the season in the style of an 8 year old girl’s handwriting.


    Jimmy and his mates at the Curtin made a staged appearance with a couple making the trip back from a buck’s night down the Peninsula. They certainly looked the worse for wear early on and took the unusual step of sobering up (as opposed to getting drunker) as the game progressed. We invited them to bat first in the customary manner though signs were already good with pre-prepared sandwiches in evidence.


    Oh, the cricket, I hear you ask? I can’t really remember much to be honest. Brendan (1-4) and J Rod (2-12) were the standouts while Luke ‘I’m a specialist bowler now’ Curto bowled three tidy overs conceding just ten runs. This could read from any game this season it seems but we took early wickets, we let them back into it and they ended with more than they should have (158ish).


    The weather gods obliged as so often this year and the innings break was more akin to a family picnic with our friends from the Curtin. Dutchy managed to fire up the big hitters in the team by opening with the picket fence specialists Curto and Big Dog. In hindsight a masterstroke of captaincy as for once we paced the run chase perfectly.


    Curto was first to fall for 10, replaced by his brother, who looked in a hurry and quickly retired undefeated. Young gun Matt made a steady 5 and at drinks we had wickets in hand but were driving Emu apoplectic with the pedestrian scoring rate. The ‘Dog retired next with 33 off 54 balls though it soon became apparent that this has anchored the innings. The Curtin seemed a little disappointed that the Boycott-esque knock had to end as this was clearly keeping them in the game and saving them having to bowl at Rowdy or Gladys.


    Wazza added 20 off 10 and Rowdy 26 off 14 before a late order collapse as the game came to the pointy end. Dutchy(1), J Rod(7) and Brendan(2) all departed leaving Radar (6no) and the returning Gladys to close the game out in the last over. Gladys finished with 48no off 14 balls (including 3 x 6s and 5 x 4s) giving the Curtin more nightmares about our batting prowess.


    The trip across town to the Labour was voted down in favour of helping the Curtin empty their esky in situ. There were glorious tales of boundaries scored, wickets taken and maiden overs (faced by Big Dog) and how much we looked forward to doing it all again next season.

  • The commencement of the 2013 AFL Season has signalled the hibernation of cricket for another 6 months, leaving those of us supporting teams wearing Red and Blue with not much to look forward to.

    As a means of filling the gap of emptiness, your author has looked at a Quokkas fantasy AFL team using the prominent members of the 2012-13 team:

    FF: Cupsy, Emu, Ed

    HF: Curto, Rowdy, Paz

    C: Pup, Phantom, J Rod

    HB: Robbo, Rev, Radar

    FB: Mo, Dutchy, Alex

    R: Morts, Gladys, Big Dog

    Interchange: Bad Boy, Jimmy Northe, Cruizer

    Selection Explained


    Rowdy is the first member of the team, picked at Centre Half Forward.  Rowdy will be relied upon for kicking big scores week in, week out.  Or, at least kicking more than Emu – who should be relied upon for big scores, until the finals.  Emu and Rowdy should guarantee some big scores and will remind many of the Wayne Carey-John Longmire combination of the late 1990s.

    Cupsy is picked in one of the forward pockets as a dead-eye goal kicker in the Brad Green / Paul Hudson mode, though won’t be expected to lead further than 30 metres from goal, mostly as he will have left his smokes under the behind post.

    Ed is picked in the other pocket as a crumbing forward as he is the least likely bloke to go anywhere near a pack  or opponent.

    Half Forwards:

    As mentioned Rowdy is picked at Centre Half Forward as a leading-marking target.  He is flanked by Curto on one side and Paris on the other.  Curto will marshal the forward line through constant banter and will be relied upon to go after any ball that comes his way like a cheap single.  He isn’t expected to deliver a single handball until he develops the yips towards the end of the season, after which he will refrain from kicking even the cat.

    Paris brings a bit of class and smooth delivery to the forward line, as well as the occasional freak-shot (much like his 6 in Launceston). As economical as his bowling, Paz isn’t expected to bring up too many clangers.


    The runners of the side; Phantom, Pup and J Rod will make up for any lack of skill with constant dash.  This is mostly because they are the only members of the team who may be able to run more than 10 metres at a time.  Pup can use his left-sided advantage on one wing, while J Rod can be largely hidden on the other.  The Phantom is expected to disappear from the oppositions radar, only to bob up and bomb Rugby-style torpedo’s into the forward 50.

    Half Backs:

    An interesting mixture of aggression and team-work, the half backs have enough talent to defend and attack.  Robbo will be the most orhodox of the team, occassionally moving into the centre as one of the only fit members of the team.  Radar, as a drummer, is the ultimate team-man and the heart-beat of the side.  No-one will ever kick the ball to him, as he won’t/can’t catch it, but he will run off packs well for receives and finish with clean disposal.  The Rev brings a bit of old-fashioned violence to the side; jumper punching, scragging and belting the opposition behind play, all while encouraging his team to “rise above”.

    Full Backs:

    An imposing line for any opposition, they have a strong mix of calm (Mo), old-school aggression and big hits (Dutchy) and flash (Alex).  Mo is expected to spend his time between marking his man, calmly pin-pointing the ball out of danger and breaking up fights between Dutchy and the entire other team.  Dutchy will spend much of the match telling his direct opponent how shit he is, telling the goal umpire how blind he is and abusing the kid selling records for exorbitant prices. He is also the best at punching from behind.

    Alex, when available, will be able to fill any role asked of him, but will be needed to synchronise with Radar in the back line to provide some talent.

    Rucks / Followers:

    The tallest man in the team, Morts, is the natural first choice as Ruck but will swap with Curto when he wants a rest – which is likely to be often.  A ruckman from the Aaron Sandilands school of being ridiculously tall, Morts will also bring some skilled disposal to the middle and absolutely no body-contact. Expect the fans to whisper “Josh Fraser” under his breath.

    Gladys brings a school of class with him & will be relied upon to direct Morts where to hit it, only to be where he actually does hit it, then pump it forward to the tall timbers.  The Big Dog will play the role of tagger, or anything that is asked of him.  He may even continue to bring his bloody coleslaw to games, only to despair at how under-appreciated it / he is.


    Bad Boy, Jimmy Northe and Cruizer provide a bench capable of filling in roles all over the ground.  Bad Boy can help out in the ruck, take marks up forward or shut down tall forwards – depending on how big his previous night was.  Jimmy Northe provides a little bit of nuggety zip and flair in the Andrew Jarman mould. Cruizer has absolutely no idea about the game, but is still better than most of the starting 18.




Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.