• Before this weeks match report gets under way, 2 apologies:

      1) To the reader, as this report will be short due to a newly acquired injury that restricts typing
      2) To Standard CC, for the match the Quokkas provided them with

    The mighty Quokka team and their roadies….

    Also included in this report is are 4 thank-yous:

      1) to Michelle, the French gentleman who picked the Quokkas up off the street and drove them to the ground
      2) to the Quokkas (and Quokettes) for making the trek to Paris
      3) Geordie, the newest and youngest Quokka for helping us out on and off the pitch
      4) Claude Schneider, our ‘host’ who gave us the locals

    And so, in the spirit of the above, here is an abbreviated match report:

      1) After an exercise in poor organisation and the intervention of the above-mentioned Michelle, we made it to the impressive grounds
      2) We were sent in
      3) We got pummelled
      4) The Egg did well to mix it up, finding some encouraging middle-order efforts from PJ, The Mantis and The Hairdresser. Thug also came back to keep a good line and length
      5) Some further inspired captaincy saw the Egg take the gloves off the Rev and give him the ball, resulting in a wicket
      6) The quokkas then faced 300+ and started poorly, losing 3 quick wickets before the one-armed Attack came in to support the Mantis and steady the ship
      7) The loss of the Attack saw another collapse, despite a stirling effort by PJ, and our eventual demise

    Please feel free to expand on this report in the ‘comments’ section below – the trip to Paris deserves it!

    The votes:

      5 – The Mantis, top score with the bat and some mean leggies
      4 – The Attack, devastating with the bat
      3 – The Hairdresser, good with the gloves in the Revs stead and handy off-spinners
      2 – PJ, impressive in his first game, holding up both middle-orders
      1 – Thug P, kept it real in the field, with the ball and in the hood

    The Iain Edwards Bravery Award:

      This weeks Iain Edwards bravery award is split between The Attack and The Rev. The Attack bravely fielded and batted without full use of his right arm, putting most Quokkas to shame with the accuracy of his left arm. The Rev kept wicket for 10 overs with a broken finger and managed to play a couple of his beloved ‘forward defensive’ shots to boot.

    Some daguerreotypes of the ill fated journey are available below.
    The truth avec le ipodDac avec Anna avec ClaudeChav nicen route du la ‘conteste’Zimbo et ThugSkaff and SkipDac and H.R.H.Rev and MichelP.J. en la train avec eyes a la ferme.

  • That’s right ladies and gentlemen, after a weeks delay due to rain (explanation of rain to follow for Australian readers) the Quokkas season began in familiar fashion with the game coming down to the last wicket and a handful of runs.

    After a slow start to the day in which both teams arrived to King George’s Field, tardily before deciding on which pitch was the least likely to cause injury, the coin was tossed and the season began.

    With memories of the pace attack from Wantage CC still fresh in their minds, The Rev and The Mantis looked on in disbelief as The Egg called incorrectly, resulting in them being sent in to bat.

    Thankfully though, Wantage had decided to ‘make a game of it’ and sent in their bowlers with phasers switched to military medium. The Mantis took to this quickly, hitting the boundary almost immediately.

    To everyones surprise, including his own, The Rev also sent the ball to the boundary with this first ball. This was the end of the surprises though, as he continued to make a further two runs in fourteen overs. Even the ball was bored.

    Seeing that it was up to him to score runs, The Mantis started playing some rash shots and soon fell. This precipitated something of a collapse, with a further three wickets falling quickly for five runs.

    With hearts in mouths, The Quokkas watched the enigmatic Attack stride to the crease and were soon leaping with joy as he found his line and started sending the ball to all quarters. He was joined by equally explosive, yet less durable, contributions from Smithers and The Thug. The Thug later revealed that he was just keeping it ‘real’.

    After chancing his arm once too often, The Attack found himself strolling back to the pavilion (note: there was no pavilion) and again The Quokkas were in trouble.

    Their prayers were answered by two hundred and fifty kilograms of brilliance in the form of the Fatman, The Egg and Loughie who whipped anything loose to the boundary and scurried between wickets to take the final score to 147.

    After a refreshing tea (wonderfully supplied by Anna, Kylie and Nat) the Quokkas took to the field with a spring in their step and a dollop of strawberry icing on their shirts.

    Ever the traditionalist, The Egg began with the bowling combination of The Attack and Thug P. Thug found some early swing while The Attack was simply ferocious, having to be asked not to bounce the batsman repeatedly. “But I wasn’t” he replied each time, putting further fear into the hearts of anyone within earshot.

    Showing insight beyond his young years, The Egg made deft fielding and bowling changes, bringing on the Fatman and Smithers, which resulted in a wicket almost immediately. Notably, the introduction of the Fatman also saw The Rev and the slips (not to be confused with the fifties skiffle band of the same name) push back almost to the boundary.

    “As the Lord is my witness, this bloke is quick” The Rev was heard to say.
    “Word” Thug was heard to reply coolly.

    The wickets started to fall steadily, though they didn’t stop the score from increasing. It soon became obvious that the only way to victory would be to bowl out the brave soldiers from Wantage.

    The unexplained power that creates Quokka victories soon came into play though, with the Wantage wicket-keeper gloving one to The Rev and walking without appeal. Next, The Bushranger dropped a sitter, picked the ball up off the ground and proceeded to throw down the stumps from 20 paces (his duelling range), running out the batsman in perhaps the most comedic wicket ever.

    Loughie and Smithers continued to assist the front-line bowlers, with good catches being held by The Attack and the newly streamlined Skaff.

    With seven runs in hand, The Egg turned again to the Fatman, who first fooled the batsman by dropping his pace before sending in a missile that took the edge, and hurled straight at The Rev, where the catch was held. Had the ball not been heading at The Revs second-most prized asset, his face, the result may not have gone the way it did.

    Still, The Quokkas walked off the pitch victors and beaming in anticipation of the season ahead.

    The Votes:
    5 – The Fatman. 5 Wickets. Scorching pace. 20+ runs at the death. You beauty.
    4 – The Attack. Ridiculous pace. Steady line. Held the innings togethor and took a couple of great catches.
    3 – The Mantis. Started the innings in typical fashion. An inspiration to us all.
    2 – Loughie. Steady batting at the death and a couple of crucial wickets.
    1 – The Rev. Decent first game with the gloves and possibly the most boring Quokka innings. Until Paris.

    The Iain Edwards Bravery Award:
    Goes to the Wantage CC Wicketkeeper who walked after gloving one. None of The Quokkas were cognitive enough to realise that the ‘nick’ sound before the ball was caught could indicate the batsman was out, but this gent upheld the spirit of the game and made us all look better just by being in his presence.

  • Good day adoring legions, (That goes for your too, Frenchies!)

    I am glad to announce that the Quokkas have entered into a lucrative deal that may help fund the Paris match and resulting debauchery. Waygood Publishing, has offered two of it’s highest selling magazine titles at the price of one, with all profits going to the famed Quokkas Cricket Club!

    All photographs from the titles have been taken by master daguerreotypographer Jennifer Gilmore from www.gilmoreimages.com.

    Modern Father Magazine Corporate Hunk Magazine
    Order your copies now!

  • Welcome aboard the Quokka campaign for 2007, a campaign that has started with one match for the result of one win, and one loss.

    Meeting at The Skips Chiswick Bordello on an overcast Sunday morning in April, Quokkas old and new blew the cobwebs off their shoulders, shook hands and made their way to the local field. This turned out to be something of a misnomer, with the field actually being more of a paddock, complete with divets.

    The toss was made by the Skips father, Derek Bradley, who spun the coin with steady and firm fingers. “Years of practice” he said with a wink to the Rev, before distracting the awed crowd and pocketing said coin.

    The Skip apparently won the toss and chose wisely in batting first. The Quokkas opening pair for 2007 of The Mantis and The Rev strode to the wicket full of confidence but soon changed their attitude when the opening ball hit a divet behind the Revs outstretched front leg and bounced back into the stumps.

    Five overs of conservative batting and a couple of lucky run-outs followed for the pair, two of which were provided from the dead-eye of Smithers in the deep.

    Coming in with the score on minus 8, the next batting pair of PJ and The Bushranger not only steadied the innings, but started to mount some runs in the positive. The Bushranger showing some proper cricket shots (confounding all present) and PJ being active between the wickets.

    The Attack and Loughie were the next pair in and continued where the previous two left off, with The Attack showing his intent for the year in particular, smashing the Egg for some massive sixes. PJ and The Bushranger came back in to complete the Australian innings, bringing up a respectable total close to 40.

    The English innings began with slightly less fraught than the Australians with the pitch now flattened and docile. The Skip and his newly minted father greeted this with glee, spanking the ball to all corners from the off. Only some fine fielding, including a stumping from the newly-gloved Rev, managed to slow them down. Some would argue the slowing down was due to their knees, but that is another matter for another time.

    The English innings continued on in a similar veign, with Smithers and the Hairdresser in particular getting involved in swatting everything pitched a little short into the wilderness.

    In all, the English went on to more than double the Australian score, but more importantly The Quokkas started their season in a good spirit that is sure to carry them through.

    A big thanks going out to Mr D Bradley for his help and advice, all who turned out (particularly Ivan and Dazzler as late Aussie entries) and in particular Mr and Mrs O’Donnel for their hospitality.


Recent Comments

  • Strong.
  • Proper swing bowling that was. Pitch it up.
  • Fabulous article which made us smile in the Spanish sunshine...
  • You forgot to mention Harry getting to bowl an over aswell. ...
  • Please see point 5.