• Wantage&Gove CC 133 (Skip 4/12, Ches 3/35) lose to Quokkas CC 134 for 0 (Faggy 78no, Yak 28no) by 10 wickets

    Despite the tremendous victory for the Quokkas in the opening game of the season, my mind wasn’t really on cricket last week. Instead it was focused on creating a fancy dress costume for my nephews Star Wars-themed 7th birthday party. In all honesty, I’m not one for fancy dress. All that effort for a two second acknowledgement that you indeed are dressed something like a famous person or character is not for me. However, a few years ago I did seriously consider entering the birdman challenge dressed as Wedge Antilles and jumping off the end of the Worthing pier in a Papiermâché X-wing fighter. I came to my senses of course, but not before Mrs Ches [who as I recall seemed very keen to see me to risk my neck for her amusement] had acquired an orange boiler suit and motorcycle helmet from ebay, which would form the basis for that costume. Thus, I was already half way there with an outfit, just the chest box, strapping, flight vest and helmet decals to focus my attention on.

    [ches x-wing fight photo HERE]

    As you can see I looked a right plumb, but having been run ragged by a bunch of seven-year old Jar Jar Binks, the movie was still very much on my mind as I travelled up north (as us members of the Peoples Republic of Southsea refer to Oxford) for the second match of the season. My car doesn’t quite make the leap to hyperspace these days, so on the long journey to Wantage I started to ponder whether there were any similarities between the Star Wars characters and the current Quokkas – I know I moan like C3PO and take your pick which sith Evil Dave best mirrors. I also wondered if the match themselves ever bore any resemblance to the original storyline. I’m not convinced, but some of the exchanges during matches do resonate. You be the judge.

    Anyway, I’ve got ahead of myself here. The night before the game Skip was still desperately trying to put a team together. Having scored 40 not out last week and looking like a Jedi with the bat, Jordan was his first target.

    Skip: You must learn the ways of the Quokkas and come with me to Wantage.

    Jordan: Wantage? I’m not going to Wantage. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is.

    Skip: I need your help, Jordan. We need your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.

    Jordan: I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like Londinium. I hate it! But there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here.

    Skip: That’s Binman talking. Learn about the Quokkas, Jordan.

    Jordan: Look, I can go as far as Oxford. You can get a lift there to Wantage or wherever you’re going.

    Skip: You must do what you feel is right, of course.

    After some reflection and on learning that he had missed the family bar-b-q, Jordan gave Skip some good news.

    Jordan: OK, I want to come with you to Wantage. There’s nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of the Quokkas.

    Buoyed by this success, Skip then tried to add to his numbers, but could only get voicemail. Unfortunately, he also seemed to have got the wrong number.

    Skip: Help me Adrian Chesney. You’re my only hope.

    Tom: What is that?

    Belinda: Skip says he’s after Adrian Chesney, a resident of these parts. And it’s a private message for him. Quite frankly, sir I don’t know what he’s talking about.

    Tom: Well, I don’t know anyone named Adrian, but Ches lives out beyond Southsea dunes. He’s kind of a strange old hermit.

    Tom thought it wise to mention the call to Ches, in case the message was for him.

    Tom: Ches, I found this message. It for an Adrian Chesney. Is he a relative of yours? Do you know who he’s talking about?

    Ches: Adrian Chesney… Adrian? Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time… a long time.

    Tom: I think Skip knew him. He said he was dead.

    Ches: Oh, he’s not dead, not… not yet.

    Tom: You know him!

    Ches: Well of course, of course I know him. He’s me. I haven’t gone by the name Adrian since oh, before you were born.

    Tom: Then the message does belong to you.

    Ches: Don’t seem to remember ever owning a message. Very interesting…

    On hearing that Skip was chasing players, Tom decided to call him and let him know that he might not be available in the coming weeks.

    Tom: Skip, I think those new Quokkas you have found are going to work out fine. In fact, I, uh, was also thinking about our agreement about me playing another season. And if these new players do work out, I want to transmit my application to the US this year.

    Skip: You mean the next tour before the Quokka Ashes?

    Tom: Sure, there’re more than enough players.

    Skip: The Quokka Ashes is when I need you the most. Only one more season. Your Dad will make enough on the harvest, so will be able to hire some more hands. And then you can go back to the US next year.

    Skip: You must understand I need you here, Tom.

    Tom: But it’s a whole ‘nother year.

    Skip: Look, it’s only one more season.

    Belinda: Where you off to Tom?

    Tom: It looks like I’m going nowhere. I have to finish cleaning those whites.

    With time running out, Skip’s recruitment drive for the game required some tough bargaining, so he took Evil Dave with him to the Mos Eisley cantina to try and get a bowler.

    Skip: Australia. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

    Dave: Do you really think we’re going to find a bowler here that’ll bowl out Wantage?

    Skip: Well, most of the best bowlers can be found here. Only watch your step. This place can be a little rough.

    Faggie: I’m `Millennium’ Fagberg. Dave here tells me you’re looking for a bowler to take to Wantage.

    Skip: Yes, indeed. If you’re a fast bowler.

    Faggie: Fast bowler? You’ve never heard of Millenium Fagberg?

    Skip: Should I have?

    Faggie: I’m a left armer that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs! I’ve outpaced T20 batsman, not the local bulk-cruisers, like Kanna mind you. I’m talking about the Special K’s now. I’m fast enough for you, old man. What’s our team like?

    Skip: Only passengers. Myself, Evil Dave, two bats, and no questions asked.

    Faggie: What is it? Some kind of local team?

    Skip: Let’s just say we’d like to avoid an innings defeat.

    Faggie: Well, that’s the trick, isn’t it? And it’s going to cost you something extra. I want to open the batting and bowling.

    Skip: Batting and bowling? We could almost hire our own team for that!

    Faggie: But who’s going to captain it, kid! You?

    Dave: You bet I could. I’m not such a bad all-rounder myself! We don’t have to sit here and listen…

    Skip: We can give you five overs, plus a decision on opening the batting when we reach Wantage.

    Faggie: Okay. You guys got yourself a player.

    Faggie: Batting and bowling. Those guys must really be desperate. This could really save my neck after two T20 golden ducks in a row.

    Kanna: Going somewhere, Faggie?

    Faggie: Yes, Kanna. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see Locky. Tell him I’ll get his runs.

    Kanna: It’s too late. You should have scored some runs when you had the chance. Every bowler in Londinium will be looking for you now. I’m lucky I found you first.

    Faggie: Yeah, but this time I’ll get the runs.

    Kanna: Locky’s through with you. He has no time for all-rounders who give up their wicket the first ball from an octopus bowler.

    Faggie: Even I get out sometimes. Do you think I had a choice?

    Kanna: You can tell that to Locky. He may only take your place.

    Faggie: Over my dead body.

    Kanna: That’s the idea. I’ve been looking forward to bowling you out you for a long time.

    Faggie: Yes, I’ll bet you have…

    On the day of the match Skip, Evil Dave and Faggie were travelling to the ground together, but Dave was having a few problems with his old R2D2GPS system.

    Dave: “Where are you going? Well, I’m not going that way. It’s much too rocky. This way is much easier. What makes you think the ground is over there? Don’t get technical with me. No more adventures. I’m not going that way. That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he’ll do no better. I should have known better than to trust the logic of a half-sized thermocapsulary dehousing assister…”

    In fact, they were not only running late, but they were lost.

    Dave: What the…? Aw, we’ve come off the motorway into a contraflow. Some kind of diversion. It’s not on any of the charts.

    Skip: What’s going on?

    Dave: Our position is correct, except… no, Wantage!

    Skip: What do you mean? Where is it?

    Dave: That’s what I’m trying to tell you, kid. It ain’t there.

    Dave decided to call the Wantage captain Pirate Steve, to see if he could get some directions. However, the thought of three Quokka bowlers being removed from the attack meant he was slightly hesitant.

    Dave: Don’t play games with me Pirate Steve. I want to know where your ground is. I’ve lost the directions. Now you are my only link to find the ground.

    Skip: Steve will die before he tells you anything.

    Dave: Leave that to me.

    Faggie: Evil Dave, the directions are not aboard this car.        

    Skip: Pirate Steve must have hidden the directions. Call Ches. See to it personally Evil Dave. There’ll be no one to stop us this time.

    Dave: Until the Quokkas are fully operational we are vulnerable. Wantage are too well equipped. They’re more dangerous than you realise. And what of Pirate Steve? If he has obtained a complete technical readout of our batting line up, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it.

    Skip: Any attack made by Wantage against the Quokkas would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they’ve obtained. This team is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it!

    Dave: Don’t be too proud of this team you’ve constructed. The ability to get opening batsman out is insignificant next to the power of the Wantage’s bowling attack.

    Skip: Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways, Evil Dave. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up a five-wicket haul, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Wantage ground…

    Dave: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

    Unlike the guys from Harpenden, I found the ground easily and just as I arrived Tom pulled up next to me in his old Peugeot with Conan and Jordan.

     Ches: You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

    Tom mentioned that my attendance must mean that I received Skips message. I hadn’t, but when I checked my phone I found it:

    Skip: Ches, years ago you played well in the Quokkas Ashes. Now I beg you to help us in his struggle against Wantage. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Quokkas batsman into the kit bag. You must see this bag safely delivered to Wantage. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Adrian Chesney, you’re my only hope.

    Whilst waiting for the others to arrive, I did my best to keep the true identity of the Quokkas hidden from our latest recruit Jordan. After somehow winning a game last week, we didn’t want to ruin that façade.

    Jordan: How long have you had those whites?

    Tom: About four or five seasons.

    Ches: They’re for sale if you want them.

    Jordan: Let me see the Quokkas scorebook.

    Ches: You don’t need to see the Quokkas scorebook.

    Jordan: I don’t need to see the Quokkas scorebook.

    Ches: These are not the Quokkas ties you’re voting for.

    Jordan: These are not the Quokkas ties I’m voting for.

    Ches: He can go mark his run up.

    Jordan: You can go mark your run up.

    As you recall it was a very hot day on Sunday, so Conan and Tom decided to wet their whistles in the Wantage clubhouse whilst we waited.

    Wantage bartender: We don’t serve their kind here!

    Tom: What?

    Wantage bartender: Your Australians. They’ll have to wait outside. We don’t want them here.

    Tom: Listen Conan, why don’t you wait outside. We don’t want any trouble.

    Wantage man at the bar: He doesn’t like you. I don’t like you either. We’re wanted men. I have the death sentence in five counties.

    Conan: I’ll be careful.

    Wantage bartender: You’ll be dead.

    Tom: This little Bow Tie Killer isn’t worth the effort. Come let me buy you something…

    With the match start time rapidly approaching, only myself, Matt, Tom, Jordan and Conan had arrived at the ground. Somewhat shorthanded, we wondered if we should get changed and go out and do the toss.

    Jordan: Is there anything we can do?

    Tom: Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest, or bowl at both ends

    Jordan: I don’t think so, sir. I’m only a batsman and not very knowledgeable about such things. Not in this country, anyway. As a matter of fact, I’m not even sure which country I’m in.

    Conan: Well, if there’s a bright centre to the World, you’re in the country that it’s farthest from.

    Jordan: I see, sir.

    Their skipper popped his round the dressing room door. We suggested Tom do the toss, but we had to decide if we would bat or field first if he won it.

    Tom: Can you open the batting? We’ve got to get out there before the Wantage return.

    Matt: I don’t think I can make it. It’s too hot. You go on, Master Tom. There’s no sense in you risking yourself on my account. I’m done for.

    Tom: No, you’re not. What kind of talk is that?

    Ches: Robin. Robin Bradley. Boy, am I glad to see you!

    The Harpenden party had arrived, just I the nick of time.

    Skip: Where’s the toilet:

    Matt: Head for that small moon.

    Skip: That’s no moon…It’s an air vent.

    [toilet photo HERE]

    Ches: I have a very bad feeling about this.

    Skip: Pirate Steve, before we beat you today I would like you to be my guest in the middle at a tossing ceremony that will make this game operational.

    Pirate Steve: The more you tighten your grip, Skip, the more chances will slip through your fingers.

    Skip: Not after we demonstrate the power of this team. In a way, you have determined the choice of the batsman that’ll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with a batting line up, I have chosen to test this teams destructive power… on your opening partnership.

    Pirate Steve: No! We have no regular opening batsman. You can’t possibly…

    Skip: You would prefer another target? A middle order batsman perhaps? Then name the openers.

    Dave: I grow tired of asking this. So, it’ll be the last time. What is your batting line up?

    Pirate Steve: Fazal and Porter to open, with Bramley in at 3…

    Dave: There. You see Skip, Steve can be reasonable.

    Dave:  Continue with the game. You may open the bowling when ready.

    Pirate Steve: What?

    Dave: You’re far too trusting. Your openers are too good to make an effective demonstration. But don’t worry. We will deal with your tail end soon enough.

    Before starting we get some quick fielding practice in and Matt turns his arm over a few times watched by fellow `spinner’ Ches.

    Faggie: Hokey religions and ancient spin bowlers are no match for a good fast bowler in your side, kid.

    Matt: You don’t believe in Legspinners, do you?

    Faggie: Kid, I’ve bowled from one side of this galaxy to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe there’s one all-powerful legspinner controlling everything. There’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny. It’s all a lot of Googlies and nonsense.

    Faggie: I call it luck.

    Ches: In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck, apart from when you take a wicket.

    Faggie: Look, practicing in the nets is one thing. Going up against real batsman in the middle? That’s something else.

    Matt: You know, I did feel something. I could almost get some spin.

    Ches: That’s good. You have taken your first step into the larger world of legspin.

    Just before we went out to bowl Skip provided the perfect team talk.

    Skip: The run up will not be easy. You are required to manoeuvre the ball straight down the corridor of uncertainty and skim the surface on a decent length. The target area is just outside off stump. A precise delivery will start a chain reaction which should destroy their entire batting line up. Only a precise delivery will set up the chain reaction. The batsman has a ray-shield-like defence, so you’ll have to use a googlie.

    Tom: That’s an impossible delivery, even for a Quokka.

    Ches: It’s not impossible. I used to bull’s-eye womp rats in my T-sixteen back home. They’re not much bigger than a stump.

    Skip decided to open the bowling with Evil Dave and Faggie, who both charged in under a blazing hot sun.

    Dave: I’ve been waiting for you, Pirate Steve. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the batsman; now I am the master bowler.

    Pirate Steve: Only a master of evil, Dave.

    Dave: Your powers are weak, old man.

    Pirate Steve: You can’t win, Evil Dave. If you bowl me out, we shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

    Pirate Steve to Conan: Aren’t you a little short to be a Quokkas?

    As is so often the case Faggie beat the bat often, but invariably was nowhere near the stumps.

    Skip: If he bowls as fast as he’s boasting, we ought to do well.

    Tom: What a piece of junk. Pitch it up.

    Faggie: I may not look like much, but I’ve got it where it counts, kid.

    Skip: Listen Faggie. I don’t know who you are, or where you came from, but from now on, you need to bowl straight. Okay?

    Faggie: Look, your worshipfulness, let’s get one thing straight. I take orders from one person. Me.

    Matt: Why don’t you outpace them? I thought you said you were fast.

    Faggie: Watch your mouth, kid, or you’re going to find yourself walking home.

    Ches: How long before we can take you off?

    Faggie: It’ll take a few overs before the batsmen start coordinating the ball to the boundary.

    Tom: Are you kidding? At the rate they’re scoring?

    Faggie: Bowling fast isn’t like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations the ball could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova and that’d end your trip to Wantage real quick, wouldn’t it?

    Tom: What’s the problem?

    Faggie: We’re losing our ring of steel. Go strap yourself in, I’m about to be taken off and Ches is first change!

    Both Quokkas toil away in the searing heat, Faggie eventually getting his reward with a couple of wickets, but as their number 4 made his way to 50, Dave started to tire.

    Dave: This is ridiculous. Even if I could get some bounce, I’d never get past the outside edge.

    Skip: Leave that to me.

    Faggie: Damn fool. I knew that you were going to say that.

    Skip: Who’s the more foolish… the fool or the fool who follows him?

    Ches: The number 4 bat has a lot of force with him.

    Skip: You’re right, he must not be allowed to get away.

    Ches: Escape is not his plan. I must face him alone.

    Skip: OK next over this end Ches?

    Ches: This is not going to work.

    Skip: Why didn’t you say so before?

    Ches: I did say so before. I have a very bad feeling about this.

    As the batsman start to get away and we labour in the field, mercilessly its drinks, whereupon Conan makes an important discovery.

    Conan: We found the score book, sir.

    Skip: Take a look. We should be able to see their entire season showing us their strengths and weaknesses.

    Conan: I’ve found the main batsman that’s holding their team together. I’ll try to make the precise location in the batting line up. Their number 4 has every shot in the book hitting the ball to seven locations. A slower ball with turn bowled just outside off stump will allow the batsman to leave.

    Skip decided to make a double change, bringing both me and himself on. After I was hit for a few fours and a six, the ball starts to turn a little and a double bounce yorker has the batter in all sorts of trouble.

    Faggie: What the hell are you doing?

    Ches: Somebody has to save our skins.

    An appeal for no reason whatsoever is followed by a ball tossed up that the number 4 bat fails to read. Although the ball disappears high into the sky, Jordan makes a terrific diving catch. A pivotal wicket perhaps.

    Faggie: If we can just avoid any more of Skip’s advice, we ought to be able to get them out here.

    As is so often the case, one wicket brings another and Skips full and straight deliveries rip through our opponents’ middle order. With seven wickets taken by Skip and myself the damage has been done and Matt and Jordan are brought on to clean up the tail.

    Jordan: I’ve analysed their attack sir and there is a danger. Should I remove the slip?

    Skip: Evacuate? In out moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!

    After one or two looseners, Jordan then found his range enabling him to grab the last wicket with a straight full pitched delivery. Our opponents have managed to score 133.  Possibly the finest tea this side of Totooine (pavlova, mozzarella and cherry tomatoes on sticks, vodka jellies and the best chocolate cake ever tasted) gives us the time to discuss boat trips to Rottnest Island, Romanian `discotheques’ and inadequate father days. Fascinating stuff, but with the alcoholic punch all but gone we must get out to the middle to bat.   [tea photo HERE]

    Skip: “Tom, open the batting will you. I want those runs knocked off before dinner.”

    Tom: “Awww Skip, but I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters…”

    Jordan: Tom’s just not a cricketer Skip. He has too much of a farmer in him. 

    Tom is joined in the middle by Faggie, both resplendent in the new man-size Quokka baggy caps. They both start well against some very accurate spin bowling and pacey cutters. Tom keeps out several Yorkers, whilst Faggie plays a measured game, by his standards, offering only the odd half chance. Eventually as the bowlers tire, Faggie starts to open up his shoulders, carving the ball to all parts of the ground.

    Faggie: “Not a bad bit of batting, huh? You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.”

    Tom: “Nice kid, but don’t get cocky”

    Having seen off the opening bowlers with a series of fine cuts and drives, the Wantage skipper turned to his slower bowlers. A young lady at the far end was immediately underestimated by Faggie, who, having failed to get to the pitch of the ball, looped an aimless shot high into the midwicket area. Fortunately, it fell just out of reach of any fielder. 

    Faggie: “Everything is under control. Situation normal.

    Tom: “What happened”

    Faggie: “Uh… had a slight bat malfunction. But, uh, everything’s perfectly all right now. I’m fine. We’re all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?”

    Tom: “Conan’s padding up”

    Faggie: “Uh, uh, negative. We had a talent leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak… very dangerous.

    That minor scare apart, the home side failed to trouble either batsman and Faggie continued to pile on the runs, breaking the clubhouse TV arial with a six. Several well-timed fours through midwicket see the scoreboard race along, with Tom adding to the home team’s woes with a brilliantly timed four to the third man boundary. Two further bowling changes fail to break up the partnership, which now threatens to smash all Quokka records. With just 3 needed it fell to Faggie to hit the winning boundary.

    We had reached out target in just 18.1 overs without losing a wicket. The successful batsman were of course met with the usual Quokkas congratulations as they left the field.

    [pitch photo HERE]

    Skip: Batting paradise. It’s the only explanation for the ease of our victory.

    Faggie: Easy… you call that easy?

    So, two games into the season and having won both handsomely the Quokkas can feel pretty content with their efforts. On the long drive home, I reflected on the day’s action, but struggled to find any correlation with the Star Wars film. Perhaps Quokkas matches have more in common with the Raiders of the lost ark, Airplane or Goodfellas. I’m not sure. Certainly, some food for thought there. Until the next episode…

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  • Harpenden Dolphins 89 all out (Garlic Bread 2-17, Ray 2-7, Jerry 2-12) lost to Quokkas 92 for 3 (Jordan 40 n.o. )

    Uncertainty analysis

    In quantum mechanics, Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle is any of a variety of mathematical inequalities asserting a fundamental limit to the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle, known as complementary variables, such as position x and momentum p, can be known. What is certain about a Quokka match that is proceeded by an evening with Skip, is that I will have similar levels of tiredness to that of a parent coping with teething or a cattle class traveller making his way to New Zealand. And this, the first game of the 2017 season, was no different. The Saturday started with a few beers in the glorious sunshine listening to the Aussies being taken to the absolute cleaners, before rolling smoothly into Sunday morning drinking Glayva and watching Lee Griffith become famous for something other than his ludicrous hairline. Luckily though, a gaggle of young children keen to learn the fine art of leg spin ensured that my lie in was brief. After three showers to remove the smell of smoke, from Skips fire-pit, from my pores, we are ready to rock and roll.

    Normally, when it comes to the fundamental limits of the Quokkas bowling a cork particle covered in leather, there doesn’t tend to be much precision, but there is a hell of a lot of complementary variables. But this wasn’t you average opening day of the season type affair, with us chasing the ball to the boundary all day before showing we are unsure which end of the bat to hold. It was different, a complete role reverse in fact, and felt something akin to one of those films where there is a lightning storm overnight and you wake up in the body of another person. Actually, never mind Freaky Friday, this was more along the lines of Skip finding a Zoltar machine, pulling the power lead out and wishing for an opening game victory. The result of that wish was the Quokkas following the Nerdlucks lead by purloining talent from somewhere (perhaps the Aussie ODI side, if their display on Saturday was anything to go by), which enabled us to bowl the opposition out for 89 before knocking them off with ease within 18 overs.

    It was as an assured display and comprehensive a victory as you will ever likely to witness in the history of the Quokkas…of that I am certain. Think England destroying the Aussies in the ICC Trophy in June 2017 (I had better mention that here in case you missed the reference to it in the previous paragraph. And if you missed the match itself, here’s some Aggers commentary: “Smash…oh I say, that one has gone into outer space…it’s actually into the third tier…the Aussies are getting some tremendous tap here from the English batsman). Quite simply the Quokkas were like, well, the Quokkas T:20 team, only longer in the tooth, better looking (in my case) and slightly more interested in the type of cake being served at tea (Mr Kipling’s Country Slices made a rare outing if you were interested).

    On a pitch offering a little pace and varying bounce, Garlic Bread prospered early on, beating the bat continuously, but without success until Bow Tie Killer provided the complementary variable to the pair. When you think of Quokka reactions in the field, the formation of rust springs to mind, but fuelled by a bar-b-q hosted by our very own Al `Skip’ Czervik, Conan showed the reaction time of an explosion to snaffle one of the finest catches you will see (or miss if you blinked) all summer. Not to be outdone Skip grabbed an absolute beauty at first slip, thankful at completely ignoring Roger-Roger’s observation, from his dreadful position at long on, that the slip cordon was too deep.

    At the other end, Tom the Yak delighted Skip with an almost metronomic display of precision bowling that kept the opponents star batsman away from the strike and the run rate below two an over. We’ve been here before though, well maybe not the less than two an over part, the opening spell is decent, but with a change of bowling the accuracy, velocity and certainty then emulates the Seneca Effect. Jerry, one of several debutants and the latest Quokka to be born this side of the millennium had other ideas, overcoming his initial struggle with the 1-in-3 climb to the crease to keep up the momentum. Having accepted some words of wisdom from Skip, hopefully on the merits of avoiding leaving black socks in washing machine rather than tips on fashion or how to bowl, he claimed a pair of wickets, thanks in part, to a remarkable grab, at the second attempt, by Hairdresser.

    At the other end, Ray (another debutant) came thundering down the hill to put the fear of god into the Harpenden batsman. As you all know, the quality of a Quokka is not measured in talent alone, which is just as well as we don’t have anyone that knows how to use a micrometer, but here we are graced with one of the most self-effacing cricketers you are ever likely to meet. “I used to bowl the odd over” proved to be somewhat of an understatement. A lack of whites often lulls you into a false sense of security, but as anyone familiar with the Lagrange–d’Alembert principle will know, when you have acceleration and a small mass bowled with huge force, you get a delivery that whistles past a batsman’s ear. As you can guess, his efforts didn’t go unrewarded, taking a brace before Skip offered his opponents some much needed respite.

    It wasn’t all about velocity I might add. There is no finer compliment for a slow bowler than being described as “a spinner” by your opponent, even one so obviously unqualified to make that distinction. But filling in for The Egg, Matt offered some excellent flight and a certain degree of uncertainty to trouble both batsman and grab a wicket of his own. The last time we saw Hairdresser he was performing post-modern expressionist dance routines with a black leather belt tied round his neck (Ed: thanks Ches, it’s taken me until now to get that terrible picture out of my head), but having spent the morning bowling beamers at his three young daughters, he instantly reaped the benefit by clean bowling their number 9 with his first delivery. Roger-Roger, resplendent in half mast trousers and secret service sunglasses, presumably to prevent blindness from his colourful footware, cleaned up the tail, leaving the home team with just 89 to defend.

    We spent tea arguing the merits of emu burgers, mulling over leylandii arboriculture and discussing the need for soundproofing in caravan toilet walls. Fascinating stuff, but as some of us are losing hair by the hour these days, we need to press on. Jordan our debutant Aussie (they’re the ones that lost to England on Saturday) and Hairdresser are thrust into the middle to see us home. And it was looking very much that way until the fine opening stand was broken by Hairdressers’ inability to ground his bat, or run fast, or call, or make a half decent decision about when to run or not. It did little to stop the flow of runs as Jordan hit the ball repetitively to the boundary with some genuine cricket shots (probably got some tips from the England batsman on Saturday). We did wander whether the playing down of his ability during the pre-game meat fest was a ruse. “Not played cricket since school”, doesn’t quite have the same meaning if, as we discovered, you are employed as a school teacher (probably of cricket).

    For a New York Second, I did manage to make it look like Jordan wasn’t a ringer, but, so excited at getting the ball off the square, I decided to dance down the wicket like a man that knew what he was doing, only to discover he was mistaken. It mattered not, as Conan emulated his English ODI batting heroes (did I mention the crushing defeat of the Aussies the previous day?) by smashing inferior bowling to the boundary, shortly before emulating the South African’s running between the wickets. It therefore fell to Roger-Roger, who promised not to leave anything in the dressing room, to see us home. And he did just that, demonstrating a fantastic eye and some unorthodox footwork when carving the bowling through midwicket and hitting the winning runs via a lofted drive over long on.

    A great start to the season and a terrific weekend in Harpenden, which is perhaps why I am struggling this morning to write an article for my client about `uncertainty analysis’, but I’m sure, no, I’m certain I will find some inspiration from somewhere.

    Ches

  • May 27th is not only the 147th day of the year, for this year it also hosted the Gasometer Quokkas Best & Fairest Night; The Gownlows. While the night might not get the same media attention as other sporting awards nights, not that any come to mind, but it certainly allows us to celebrate all things Quokka cricket.

    This years night started with the MC of the night, The Big Dog, giving a detailed explanation of what went on in our Tour to Sri Lanka last season, making several of the players wish for less painful memories; a visit to the Dentist perhaps?

    With the overview done, MC Dog launched into the season review, sensibly starting with Round 1 and moving chronologically from there. Where match Captains were present, they were given the opportunity to read out their votes for each game, so long as The Rev had agreed to the votes allocated.

    MC Dog took an early lead in the votes and, much like his beloved Hawthorn Hawks, managed to hold on to win his first B&F despite late challenges from J Rod and Ed. Ed did take some consolation by winning the Most Runs award, while MC Dog also took out the Most Wickets award by pipping The Rev. Its no wonder the club only won 2 games with The Rev and Dog being the leading wicket takers.

    Other notable award winners included:

    • Best Match Report (awarded by Local): Local, Someone
    • Darragh O’Donovan Bravery Award: Nickname AW
    • Best on Tour: MC Dog (his wheelbarrow was pretty full by the end of the night)
    • Best at the Big Day Not Out: Snipper
    • Worst at the Big Day Not Out: Bowl’en and his 10 litre bag of goon
    • Biggest 6: Tuesday (scored), Ed (conceded)

    Congratulations to all the winners and thanks to everyone present and otherwise for a great season. Here’s looking forward to 2017/18!

  • The hairdresser’s annual contribution to Quokkadom has resulted in the following set of anticipated fixtures. Perhaps he might turn out and play this year!

    • 11/6/2017 Dolphins – Harpenden 14:00 start
    • 18/6/2017 Wantage – Wantage 12:00 start
    • 25/6/2017 Leigh – Leigh 14:00 start
    • 2/7/2017 Salix –
    • 9/7/2017 Hartfield – Hartfield 14:00 start
    • 16/7/2017 Whalers – Chiswick
    • 28-31/7/2017   Tour to Romania
    • 3/9/2017 Coldharbour – Coldharbour 13:30 start

    Plus the Ashes are being planned for MAY . Exact Date TBD

  • The reeling rhythms of a Riverdance céilí pulsated over the turf of the Alfred Crescent oval to set a cheerful tempo for the inaugural mixed pub league game between The Old Bar and the Quokkas. Even before a ball was bowled, there was a victory for diversity in pub league cricket with 6 females participating for the Quokkas and 7 for the Old Bar.

    Though it was offensively hot, the Quokkas innings was even-tempered with a credible opening partnership between Vibs and Ren. Vibs powered her way to 25 before retiring and Ren played a smart innings, displaying varied stroke-play for her highest Quokkas score of 17.

    Karly was unlucky to get stumped and Cat also went cheaply getting herself run out backing up (in order to give others a go). Eliza cracked 8 singles – also a career best score.

    Next in was the resilient Fiona who, despite being virtually blind after an operation on both eyes two days earlier, defied medical advice in order to play her first match in a decade or so.

    Our opposition fielded many female first timers, many just learning the art of bowling. Dutchy poked a few singles with the near sightless Fiona, heroically holding up an end until lunch.

    At the break the Quokkas totalled 4-95 off 20, and both teams were treated to “a delicious range of food with amazing salad” – Big Dog. Jigs and folk tunes continued to throb out of the adjacent Irish Festival and in the much less Irish heat the beer esky needed replenishing to keep up with the collective thirst of the players.

    It took a bit of motivation to get going again but then the Old Bar innings was hectic. Vibs opened the bowling and swung the new ball more than a taped tennis ball, and then had to be removed from the attack because she was unplayable.

    There was a moment of romance when Rev celebrated with Ren after taking a fine catch off her bowling. This caused some distress to Vibs, who needed reassurance that pashing was not a team custom.

    Another highlight was Rens spectacular overhead running catch, or more accurately, a footy-style mark to the chest –slightly more painful with a cricket ball but effective nonetheless.

    There was a respectful pause in play to mark the occasion of the naked cyclists’ procession through Edinburgh gardens, after which early drinks were called with the Old Bar on just 18. The Old Bar opted to let their female players bat twice allowing for an unequivocal victory for mixed cricket.

  • Match Facts: Sunday, March 19 2017, Alfred Crescent Oval, North Fitzroy

    Time: 1pm Start

    The Big Picture:

    This weeks game is pure Quokka, designed to ensure those that want to play some social cricket (though don’t want the rigors of club cricket).

    This game follows on from last years intra-club mixed game, which was considered a success & even drew the praise of Cricket Victoria for providing a bridge to Cricket to women that doesn’t necessarily otherwise exist.

    The rules for this game have been somewhat modified to ensure everyone gets a go:

    • 25 over game
    • No LBWs
    • No Wides (just rebowl)
    • Cant go out first ball
    • Retirement in the over the batsman gets to 20
    • Female players to bat / bowl first
    • Any excess overs (e.g. 22-25) are to be bowled by female players
    • Male players bowling to female players only to go off 3 step run-up
    • Female players can bowl from forward of the crease if needed

    The Old Bar have been good enough to agree to a game and we hope it becomes a regular thing, not just with the Old Bar, but other pubs too.

    Form Guide:

    While the Quokkas YPCA team has had a fairly ordinary season, with only one win from nine games, the female players have been in pretty impressive form. Cat and Ren both played in our games in Sri Lanka, and have both played a number of games this season too, scoring runs and taking wickets.

    The Quokkas had a warm-up mixed game last Sunday, where we saw some typically strong batting from Rosemary, Cat and Ren, as well as fast bowling from Karly and all-round dominance from Eliza.

    Here’s hoping everyone can have a go and some fun Sunday.

    In The Spotlight:

    Karly has been an enthusiastic new starter to the group, attending several training sessions, and playing the VBCA game before this, her first Pub League match. She has impressed in the nets and in the recent inter-club mixed game with her pace bowling, which is surely linked to the energy gained from eating tofu as part of a vegan diet. Promises to be a real handful against The Old Bar if she gets her radar right.

    Team News:

    It’s always a distressing moment at QHQ when the selection committee comes forward and says there are more than enough numbers for the next week, it almost always means that half the team will drop out by the time you’ve had time to throw your cup of Earl Grey at them.

    It often resembles the Boston tea party at QHQ

    It often resembles the Boston tea party at QHQ

    I’m happy to report that, at the time of writing, there are 14 listed as available for this weeks game and my tea is yet to stain the walls. Happier still, the Quokkas have up to 6 girls available for this game, which will go a long way towards giving interested punters a chance at a game.

    1. Cat (c)
    2. Ren
    3. Karly
    4. Eliza
    5. Vibeke
    6. Rosemary
    7. Don
    8. Jay
    9. J Rod
    10. Bowl’en
    11. Big Dog
    12. Snipper
    13. Local
    14. Dutch

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Alfred Crescent oval is the friend of Pub Cricketing batsmen, whichever pub they heil from. With its short & inviting boundaries, conveniently located loos, and ample shade provided by the trees that line it; it’s a great place to watch deliveries get belted into people having an otherwise enjoyable picnic.

    Maybe aim for this guy

    Maybe aim for this guy

    While the Australian mens cricket team is in India, the Indian summer has arrived in Melbourne and we are expecting a sunny day with a top of 32 degrees on Sunday. Make sure to slip, slop, slap and drink plenty of water.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Cat is the most capped female Quokka, with 7 YPCA appearances and 14 overall. Cat has scored 44 YPCA runs at 11 and is yet to bowl a ball in the league – quite an achievement!
    • Ren is the second most capped, with 2 YPCA appearances and 7 overall. While she only has 7 YPCA runs against her name, she did hit more 4s on the Sri Lanka tour than the Rev.
    • Eliza is making her 4th Quokka appearance and looks like she is ready for a break-out game after some excellent efforts in the warm up game & recent VBCA match
    • The “Ice Man” (J Rod, the bloke who brings the ice) is making his 40th Quokka appearance this weekend, which is the 5th most of anyone to wear the saggy maroon. The Plod has hit 346 YPCA runs at 14.42 with a top score of 41 not out. He has also taken 19 wickets at 22 at a RPO of 5.78. There is no statistic for his catches held.
  • From Captain J Rod…

    On a warm summer Sunday, the Quokkas arrived at the VBCA ground with high hopes of redeeming ourselves from last years crushing defeat. With most of the state representatives on tour, we were expecting a more dominant performance over the opposition. With Rev braving the air-conditioned commentary box, the rest of the Quokkas walked slowly out to the pitch.

    The VBCA got off to a great start, with a number of overthrows conceded, while the Quokkas got used to the bounce, or lack of, on the ball. With adjusted rules where wides and no balls are two runs, the VBCA were going along at a decent run-rate. Wickets were hard to come by until Eliza came on and had an instant impact taking a peg.

    We kept rolling through the overs, and with  the last ball of the innings J Rod had his first wicket of the season with a questionable umpiring call. But we’ll take it.

    We came off for a cool drink with a short turnout for out batting innings.

    With the VBCA short of fielders, Rev came out the air conditioned commentary box to help them out. With Snipper and Eliza facing the first 4 overs, we got off to a slow start. Snipper completely blind not being able to get bat on ball until…

    …wait for it…

    …a sweep shot to short leg where Rev took one of the best catches ever seen from a Quokka.

    That might not be saying much, but it was a catch Boonie would be proud of.


    Please take in what you have just read about Rev’s catch. With his modesty it may be the last time it is ever mentioned.

    Back to the game. After the first 4 overs, we were in negative territory and it only got slightly better from there. One of the highlights with the batting was a comment one of the VBCA made about Cat’s tapping of the bat. He said it sounded like a proper cricketer.

    As we rolled slowly through the final overs, Rev and Ren had a duel which could only end badly for Rev. We finished the innings with some big hitting from Dutchy with a little help from JRod, but it was all too little too late.

    The Quokkas could only manage 63. VBCA won 34 runs.

  • From Captain Alex…

    Things that happened.

    Lots of people dropped out. Maybe 5,6, or 7 people. That’s ok. 

    This meant that James Gow stepped in. As did Ren. As did cousin/God son Sean Scales. As did Simon ‘Slow Dancer’ Okely and this bloke Jaime was supposed to but he got home at 5:30am so he didn’t. Actually we still expected him to turn up, so I placed him last in the batting order. He didn’t. Luckily Rev was back from picking up the kids so he stepped in. Simon was pretty hungover. I asked him to play at 1am that morning. He and I were drinking whisky and I was singing bad harmony to his new songs. Simon hadn’t played cricket before. But Simon has this new go-get’em/up-for-whatevs/I-Ching attitude so he gone done did it anyway. 

    In the AM I received several phone calls and text messages about the rain. Yes it was going to rain on and off all day. Would the cricket be affected? Yes it would. The Rainbow dudes said they were willing to turn up and try for a result. So we did the same. It was raining pretty hard in Fitzroy on arrival. It was actually quite depressing. There was a strong, icey wind a-blowin’ and I felt quite guilty about asking Sean, Simon and James to play. They didn’t seem to mind, “we don’t mind” they said. JAMES ASKED HIS PARTNER MIRANDA TO MARRY HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE AND SHE SAID YES AND HE STILL CAME TO PLAY CRICKET FOR US HE IS A LEGEND. I was pretty hungry and it was still raining hard so I decided that we should eat some dim sims and wait for the rain to pass. That we did and that it did. 

    Simon had never batted before. That comes as no surprise to you as I wrote earlier that he hasn’t played cricket before. That in mind I had him open the batting with me. Why did I open with myself? I guess I had some lofty notion of leading by example and so on. Why did I open with Simon? I felt personally responsible for his good time and wanted to do my best to provide it. I provided it with positive comments from the other end of the pitch. Simon didn’t know how do put pads on. That was pretty funny and also understandable. Sean Was batting 5th but was padded up on arrival and was receiving throw downs before Simon and I. That was cool and funny. Simon and I did pretty good but probably lost the match for the Quokkas. Because we didn’t score quick enough. I hit lots of good cut shots directly to fielders. Simon missed the ball a bit because he hadn’t batted before. Eventually Simon hit some great shots including a ‘4’. With the blessing of the Rainbow’s captain, Simon and I planned to retire pre 30 (we were on approx 20) so as to give someone else a shot and having a good time and also maybe scoring heaps of runs quickly resulting in victory. I threw my wicket. Simon retired. I don’t remember much about the game after this as I started thinking about my life. My new album for instance. Is it gonna be respected by my peers? How am I gonna pay for mastering and marketing? I also thought about this great girl I’ve been seeing and then I got sad because she is pretty hot and cold and she was cold that day. I also thought about the bike the Dutchy generously gave me. How long has it been since I’ve cycled? How do you do it? I know that saying says that once you’ve learnt you can’t forget but some times saying are incorrect. Like the saying – “Life is like the ocean. It can be calm or still, and rough or rigid, but in the end, it is always beautiful”. That’s not true. Think about those who died violent deaths after a life time of suffering and so on. I got to thinking about Centrelink too. 

    This is what I remember happening even though I wasn’t really concentrating – 

    Sean came in. He has played district cricket. I don’t know that that means but the way James said it gave me in the impression that district cricket is and impressive level o quality. My intuition was proven correct. Sean gifted us cricket card (and or poster) quality stroke after stroke. His technique wowed us. He wasn’t hitting the ball very hard though. Once again, pub cricket frustrates the best equipped. What else happened. Oh yeah. The star of the day. Ed. Ed hit some awesome cricket shots. He made 32 off 14. He tried his best to help us win. Which we did not. In the end. Win. Jay hit some nice shots too. He was dropped a few times and almost got bowled a couple of times but made the most of his 9 lives with a score of 15. Dutch came in and did what he had to do. Hit the ball hard with his batt. He made a quick and needed 10 runs. Res, Nick, Big Dog and James Gow also contributed with the bat. They played good shots and ran hard and tried their best. For that we are grateful. It was raining a fair bit during this time so credit to those who endured. It reminded me of a film Jay and I are yet to make titled ‘Warnie In The Trenches’.

    As mentioned Jaime didn’t turn up.

    Luckily Rev arrived with his cute kids. Rev batted great and made 10. Rev also bowled very well later in the match. I probably should have given him a vote. Sorry Rev. 

    Sad Rev

    Sad Rev

    Then we drank more beers. 

    Then practiced catching. 

    Then we went out to field. 

    James and Jay opened. 

    I’m getting bored. 

    Lets just say everyone bowled well. Jay, Rev, and Ed bowled especially well. I bowled pretty good. Sean’s second over was unreal. 

    Ed caught the first dude. Then the second dude. Then the third dude but that didn’t count on account of it being a free hit so he decided to run him out instead. Then Ed caught the fourth dude. Simon took a great catch in his new jacket.

    jacket

    Artists impression of Slow Dancers jacket

    Big Dog’s second over was good too. Listen everyone bowled great. Dutchy kept well. One dude stepped back onto his own wicket. He seemed disappointed so Nick shouted “Life is like the ocean. It can be calm or still, and rough or rigid, but in the end, it is always beautiful”. This didn’t seem to help because he was still out on account of walking into his stumps which is truly depressing. 

    We had a break when it started raining again. 

    Also, we fielded one person down. That didn’t help. Thanks Jaime.

    We got close. The spirit was correct. Everyone seemed to have a good time despite the weather. We needed to get 3 wickets prior to them scoring 40 runs. We didn’t. 

    Thanks Big Dog for the salads. Saul for the bbq. Ed for the food. James for the Dim Sims. 

    Sorry if someone did something note worthy which I haven’t included. 

    Nb. I have not, and will not check for spelling and grammar errors.

  • Match Facts: Sunday, February 19th 2017, Alfred Crescent Oval, North Fitzroy

    Time: Midday for a 1pm start

    The Big Picture:

    This is the Quokkas last Pub League game of the season, offering them their last chance to get a win in an otherwise winless season.

    The Rainbow was one of the few pubs that the Quokkas beat last season, but that doesn’t seem to matter for much this season, with the boys in maroon seemingly able to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at every chance.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas are coming off the back of their annual first-round exit from the BDNO, though this years version was a little more promising than previous years and showed glimpses of what was possible.

    The Quokkas bowled and fielded well by their standards in the BDNO, holding catches, taking wickets and stopping singles. They’re all good signs & also very likely to disappear as quickly as they appeared.

    In the Spotlight:

    Alex comes back in to the Quokkas squad for his first game since Nerrena and his first game as Captain. The square-shouldered leggie showed some excellent form in his last spell in Gippsland, repeating it will surely provide as many issues to batsmen as it will fielders (who will have to catch a spinning ball off the bat).

    Team News:

    Its been a tough week at Quokkas HQ with players declaring unavailability like it was some sort of hipster trend. The XI for this weekend (at the time of writing) is:

    1. Alex (c)
    2. Jay
    3. Ed
    4. Dutchy
    5. Big Dog
    6. Tuesday
    7. Nickname AW
    8. Bowl’en
    9. Sean*
    10. Local
    11. James How

    Pitch and Conditions

    The game is scheduled to be played at Alfred Crescent, defined in these pages previously in detail. It’s a ground with small boundaries that favours the big hitters, or even the medium-distance hitters, with those disinclined to run not finding penalties.

    The predicted top for Sunday is 19 with a prediction for some light showers in the morning and early afternoon.

    Stats & Trivia

    • Jay is sitting on 175 career runs at 35, so is well positioned to crack the 200-run mark in this match
    • Similarly, Tuesday is sitting on 279 career runs at 23, so is well placed to crack the 300-run mark
    • Bowl’en hasn’t had much luck this season, but 2 wickets will take him to 10 career wickets
    • James Gow has had a little more luck this season, going for only 5.7 runs per over
  • Match Facts: Sunday, February 5th, 2017

    Time: 11am

    The Big Picture:

    This is the 6th or 7th time the Quokkas have appeared in the Big Day Not Out (BDNO), which says about as much about our record-keeping as it does our blind perseverance.

    Aside from providing the recalcitrant with an avenue to enjoying social cricket on a semi-regular basis, this event is the jewel in the Yarra Pub Cricket Associations crown, a knock out tournament for 16 of the 18 teams in the league that can be bothered showing up.

    The Quokkas have never got close to the finals of the day, though The Rev did help the Prince Pat get to the final by filling in, taking a wicket and then spending the rest of the day playing kick-to-kick in the outfield.

    This year offers the annual glimmer of hope though, with a lucky 11am start time at the oval on Alfred Crescent, the most boundary friendly of grounds. This works in The Quokkas favour, given their lack of ability to catch a ball and the relatively high number of boundaries they have hit this season.

    The first, and possibly only, game is against the Rose, whom the Quokkas put in a good showing against earlier in the season. If the Quokkas are able to produce some efficient overs like Snipper, Jay, Big Dog and Radar did last time (4, 4.3, 4.7 and 6 RPO) did last time, they should be in with a chance of making it through to the next round.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas have won one match this season, the first for 2016/17 against The Terminus in a blizzard at Ramsden Street. Its possible they aren’t any good at Summer sports. With this summer being what it has, they may be in with a chance.

    The Rose have won at least one game.

    In the Spotlight:

    J Rod is an early omission from the team for motivation issues, to be replaced by Pup for his first game of the season.

    A Quokka veteran with 33 total appearances, Pup is also something of a BDNO specialist. Not necessarily for anything on the field, but he usually turns up.

    Tuesday takes the reigns of the team after winning the ‘Best Player in the BDNO’ award last year. No doubt relishing the opportunity of starting a game of cricket at 11am that could be over by 11:10am, the man in the ink has no doubt been strategizing the best routes out of North Fitzroy on a Sunday afternoon all week.

    Team News:

    J Rod has found something else to do, which means Pup walks into the side.

    At the time of writing, The Quokkas have 12 available for this game, which means we will be able to field specialist batting and fielding sides (if everyone shows).

    Bowl’en voted for an afternoon of minding the Esky but Captain Tuesday had other ideas and he will be in the batting side.

    The XII (at the time of writing) is:

    1. Chef
    2. Radar
    3. Dutchy
    4. Local
    5. Snipper
    6. Tuesday (c)
    7. Ed
    8. Jay
    9. Nickname AW
    10. Big Dog
    11. Bowl’en
    12. Pup

    Pitch and Conditions:

    The pitch at Alfred Crescent Oval has seen better days, with a re-carpeting job on the asto-turf cover seemingly started and aborted after they got just short of a good length at one end. Unfortunately, that’s the batting end, so gives bowlers plenty to aim at.

    The BOM is predicting a top of 25 degrees with rain, so the Duckworth Lewis system may come in to save the day.

    Stats & Trivia:

    • Ed and Pup have played in the most BDNOs for The Quokkas, 6, a battle for supremacy that will be decided by age and interest;
    • Boundary hitting is the key for BDNO batting and The Quokkas leaders are Dutchy (75% of runs through boundaries), Chef (71%), Local (70%) and Radar (67%)
    • Efficiency is the key to bowling in the BDNO and the Quokkas leaders are Snipper (3.3), Dutchy (4.5), Jay (5.5) and Radar (6.0)

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