The Quokkas are an internationally franchised drinking team with a cricketing problem
Renowned for our fearsome lack of fear on the cricketing pitch, we bring our unique brand of sporting ineptitude and enthusiasm over ability to the ovals of our opponents
Our biggest day of the year was set up to be a scorcher, Quokkas v the Standard @ Fairlea West.
No toss was necessary as they wanted to bowl and we wanted to bat, after a cheeky pre-game pump up net sesh.
The standard brought out their best bowling of the year, smashing through our top order, with Radar caught at long on going after a loose delivery in the first over.
Dutchy fell shortly after, bowled on another full toss. Little did we know that this was the start of a pattern.
Alex and F1 battled to steady the ship, chipping away with singles and a couple of boundaries before they too were both bowled.
F1, doing a little fencing in front of a lot of fencing
The ever resilient Jay Rayner did his best to get that score up, almost melting in the 32° dusty centre. All those singles and twos took their toll and he was also rattled.
Blake and Oscar tried to get us moving but we’re also bowled… yes, there were 7 dismissals, 6 of them were bowled… unheard of! The standard required 57 to win off their 10 overs.
Captain Big Dave kicked off the quokkas bowling, with a bit of pace not seen since the week prior.
Captain Big Dave with the Big pace(tm)
The standard’s innings was slow going too, being forced to run hard as the Quokkas kept the pressure on throughout. In the 5th over, Dutchy took the only Quokkas wicket (FOW 1/33).
Somehow Jay Rayner kept running in the field and delivered a red hot over. Quokkas were valiant in their bowling and fielding efforts. Not many made it through, but not many needed to with the standard getting the win in the 8th over.
This may have been the end of the playing, but it wasn’t the end of the day with most Quokkas sticking around to support the Standard against the Vic. Shade was hard to come by, but beers were not and the afternoon was spectacular.
The weather was perfect. The oval was idyllic. The other team was late. We batted first. Most of us contributed with the bat. Rohan and I made 30. They had a few great bowlers. They took some wild catches. As a bowling attack they were a very decent I reckon, so well done us.
Then we had a break. Snags weren’t one quarter ready which came as a surprise to absolutely no one.
We went into field. Energy was high. Very supportive attitude from us. We held every catch we were hit – fucking bravo. We had some food over the drinks break.
Josh, in his first game bowled some good mediums. Took a third over when it mattered too. Peter, the younger of the Sforcinas in general energy, also bowled very well.
We backed each other up well. Lotta encouragement. And that meant when it came down to the wire we had the upper hand. We held our nerve. Diving efforts from Quokkas narrowly avoided a couple of 4s in the final overs.
Love that.
We were all in and properly committed and behind each other and that’s why we finished the game with our nose ahead. Well done Peter-the-younger-Sforcina for a level headed, accurate final over. Top work all. A memorable win. Thanks Slug for the pictures and updates.
After a couple of years away from the scenic capital of the Cricket calendar (say that ten times fast), The Quokkas return to Nerrena this weekend for another celebration of inclusive Cricket while admiring the vista.
I can’t actually remember how many times we’ve made the trip down there (5? 6?), but it isn’t nearly enough.
After getting absolutely walloped the first couple of times we went down there, we managed to even the scoreline for a while, before Nerrena have wrested dominance in the last couple of games.
That’s hardly the point though, it’s all about doing our best and enjoying it on the way.
The last game was quite insightful for me personally, I had one bloke hit me for just about the biggest six I’ve been hit for (there is a compelling list of the top 10), then his daughter bowled me after getting one to jag in off the cut strip. Anyone else may think a family vendetta was on.
Regardless, it should be great fun.
Nerrena: Where childrens arms go to disappear
Form Guide:
The Quokkas are probably in the best form they have been in for 10 years, with an incredible mix of veterans providing cricketing-canny and new recruits providing energy and exuberance. Oh yeah, we are also scoring a lot of runs and bowling and fielding well.
This weekend may be a bit of a challenge as it will be played to YPCA rules, though the dreaded LBW is included, so the stats won’t count and the straight one will get you out (don’t think that’s a Wu Tang line…yet).
In the Spotlight:
The ultimate team-man, Ray Jayner, has changed his game this year to forego individual awards for the betterment of Quokkas everywhere.
While his batting average is down to 14.0 for the season, his strike rate is up to 1.33, often against opening bowlers. This has taken the pressure off those around him and sewn the seed of doubt into the opposition.
His is the type of game that is best suited for the Nerrena game and we look forward to a big one from the TFB.
Team News:
Everyone loves a game in Nerrena and as a result we have a squad bulging at the seams.
Prez
F1
Ed
Dutchy (c)
Radar
Jay
Alex
Animal
Local?
Big Dog?
Rev
Fargo
Big Dave
Oscar
Pitch and Conditions:
Nerrena is the loveliest ground we get to play on, surrounded by rolling hills and barely a scuff in the turf to be seen.
Its looking like a top of 35 on the coast, so it should be a little cooler inland (and hopefully with a breeze), though its going to be a warm one so hydration is very, very important.
Stats and Trivia:
(We are out a bit this week due to the Vic Hotel scorecard not coming in yet)
Quotes:
“My only regret is that I didn’t join earlier”
Fargo, on being asked if he is enjoying playing with The Quokkas
Being a pub cricketer is a life of dichotomy. You love the game and want to play, just not at the expense of anything else you have in your life. A warm Summers day spent at the markets may lead you to think “This’d be a great day for cricket” wistfully, and then you move on to the fish aisle.
And so we enter this, our last YPCA match for the Season, with only the Big Day Not Out and a couple of tour matches to go. Will we miss our afternoons in the field together? Absolutely. Will we find spreadsheets play with and seats in the MCC to kick during the cooler months? Probably.
It’s been a great season so far with a couple of grouse additions to the team, as well as the return of old and newer faces. The “net session” at Animals place was definitely a highlight. Lots of fun to be sure.
The Vic Hotel is a team that, I believe, we haven’t crossed paths with as yet and so look forward to getting past that awkward stage where our eyes initially lock, before we are slow dancing in the middle of the field.
Form Guide:
The Quokkas are coming off a rollicking good time in The Pride Game last week, which we lost, but that was hardly the point. Everyone had a great time and we are stronger as a club for it.
Before that, though, was our first win against the mighty Nomads. This is territory so uncharted that Id almost expect Jean Luc Picard to be involved.
The Quokkas are putting together an awesome season together with great work in the field, some big hitting and disciplined bowling. Well done all, let’s go and enjoy The Empress on Sunday afternoon.
In the Spotlight:
He’s back baby. After a couple of years of sea-changing (or is that changing the sea?), The Sizzle has returned to the Quokka fold.
The man in the Bluey returned in last weeks Pride game and showed us what we had been missing; flat sixes smashed over mid-wicket, a complete disregard for skin cancer and the ability to produce young-cricketing prodigys.
Welcome back Sizzle.
Team News:
It’s been a busy schedule for the last few weeks, but we’ve managed to get through it without injury or disinterest and as a result still have a full complement for Sunday:
F1
Prez
Dutchy
Radar
Jay
Alex [c]
Sizzle
The Animal
TBC
Fargo
Oscar
Pitch and Conditions:
This is the first time we have been invited to play on the wrong side of Sydney Road (excluding the game in Adelaide) and we welcome the opportunity to play at the well-tended Poplar Oval ground that is part of Royal Park.
It will be interesting to see what Royal Park is renamed to once we become a Republic, I for one nominate the name: Beers on the field.
It’s looking cloudy on Sunday with a top of 20 and possibilities of showers, so we should get a full game in and hopefully some ring-a-ding-swing.
Stats and Trivia:
Sizzle has some lovely and symmetrical batting figures: 111 runs at 11.1 and a top score of 33;
Thailand uses the Buddhist calendar, we are currently in the year 2566 BE using that Calendar;
Dutchy is 2 runs off 200 for the season, fair effort that;
The scene in which Toby Maguire catches all of the food on the trey in the Spiderman movie (2002) was not done with CGI, but he actually caught everything – it only took 156 attempts (much like my attempts at hitting a 30)
What an honour it was to captain the Quokkas again in our Pride match against Holy Trinity CC.
In What can only be described as our biggest match of the year, we had a cast of thousands and everyone was ready and rearing to go at 9am.
Off they go
The day started with a gracious bat flip & Holy Trinity chose to bat. Jay opened the bowling strong and kept them to on their toes. Partnerships didn’t last long, as they retired after about 20 balls.
Ed bowls while Animal looks on, Charlie helps in the slips, Prez brings some heat
They played hard, batted well and scored quickly. Lots of chatter in the field kept Quokkas spirits up, mostly from Dutchy who at one point declared “they’re swinging more than a Camberwell couple”.
With all that swinging, They did manage to get the ball over the rope a few times.
Our fielding was tight, thanks to having a couple of extra hands in the field, Charlie and Max giving them no room to move.
Some accurate bowling from Fargo & F1 saw them lose a couple of wickets, Charlie helping Radar with yet another rapid stumping. Holy Trinity setting is a target of 163.
F1 and Radar got Quokkas on the board early, with Rohan retiring on 20 in the fourth over. Some tight, straight and accurate bowling from HT kept us on our toes, none more than Dutchy, Oscar & Big Dave who managed to get a total of 0 off 6 deliveries between them.
Fridge hits out
Prez & Max steadied the ship with a partnership lasting a Couple of overs, Charlie also showing them how to do it. Fargo did he best to show his all rounder skills, with a special guest appearance by the six-hitting Sizzle.
Charlie, Maxy, and Fargo and Sizzle
We managed a respectable 103 off our 20 overs, but cricket, sport and diversity were the real winners of the day.
This is the second time that The Quokkas have been invited to play in the Holy Trinity Cricket Club Pride Round, and something we are very proud and excited about.
The Pride Round is a great way to celebrate and promote inclusiveness in Cricket, which is pretty-much what The Quokkas are all about; giving everyone the chance to play the game regardless of age, gender or any other category you can dream up (even ability).
Happy Days
The corresponding game was great fun and we are all looking forward to more of it this Sunday.
The Quokkas have been in good form though and a large and supportive squad that is excited about having some fun this Sunday.
In the Spotlight:
Big Dave takes the helm as Captain for this game and we are all looking forward to his acknowledgement before the game.
Dave was one of 3 Quokkas to hit their top score in the last game (along with Fargo and Hendo) and few of us will soon forget the unadulterated joy he exuded when he hit his first 4 last year.
Aside from batting heroics, Big Dave has also been something of a wizard with the ball, taking 4 YPCA wickets at 18 while only going for 6.55 RPO.
Team News:
Really proud of this, particularly given the game starts at 9am, but we have a plethora of Quokkas turning up to this one to support the cause. I’m going to be coaching the HTCC U10s on the neighboring oval, but Maxy will be taking my place.
Big Dave c)
Max (vc)
Prez
F1
Ed
Dutchy
Radar
Jay
Oscar
Sizzle
VP
Animal
J Rod
Ami
Fridge
Fargo
Pitch and Conditions
Hayes Park actually has pretty decent Astro-pitches and the outfields are green and pretty flat considering the amount of cricket and dog walking that occurs on them. Soccer training has started too, so perhaps a few more potholes than normal, but hardly mouthguard-requiring-areas.
The BoM tells me that we are expecting some cloud cover with a top of 21, so pretty nice conditions if a little cool in the morning. There may be a bit of dew about too, so possibly a slow outfield.
Stats and Trivia
This will be the VPs 20th Quokkas appearance (18 YPCA, 1 T20) – unless he has detention;
The Animals efforts with the bat took him to exactly 150 career YPCA runs for The Quokkas (at a very healthy 16.67), shine on you crazy diamond;
Although it isn’t a YPCA game, J Rod is sitting on 39 wickets so very close to joining the burgeoning 40 wicket club;
Radars efforts with the gloves in the last game took him to 51 career YPCA fielding dismissals with 19 catches and a whopping 32 run outs / stumpings. For context the next best is Ed with 38 (33 catches, 5 run outs / stumpings)
W J Cox oval, an oval the size of a postage stamp and a pitch with a width not that forgiving. With the clouds around and the humidity about, it was perfect conditions to replicate Steve Harmison’s famous first ball of the Ashes.
The Nomads were going to host an amazing BBQ and due to this they were sent in to bat. We were gifted an orange ball which felt a lot harder than the traditional cricket balls we have played with. After discussions with the various Vice captains within the Quokkas (approximately 10 in total), we needed a different gameplan to tackle the strong batting side of the Nomads. One over spells was the tactic to be employed for our innings.
The first 12 overs were not great. We leaked around 135 runs and we only managed two wickets during this time and their team have retired two of their batters. A few extra drinks during the break and we really turned up our fielding. Every player was backing up the throws and our bowlers were keeping the economy down. We managed to restrict them to 218 by the end of their innings!
The pick of the bowlers was Pete ‘The Animal’ with 2/19 from 3 overs but all our bowlers really contributed in that second half of the Nomad’s innings.
219 was definitely a score that could be chased down as long as we have batters in the shed. The field size was small so as long as we hit it in the gap, we should be able to score runs. The Nomads immediately set an aggressive field to try and create wicket chances. This didn’t work early as Radar was seeing it like a beach ball and scoring quickly. Ed was just on the opposite end and focusing on a well built innings. However, soon as Radar was eyeing off retirement, the Nomads pulled off a miracle catch to dismiss Radar for 28 from 13. Alex was next in and he and Ed put on a 20 run partnership before Ed was caught and bowled for 15 from 16. Alex kept at the same attacking gear and putting away each delivery for 4, unfortunately he was bowled for 21 from 9.
By the end of the 12th over, were were below par at 4/111 as Dutchy had performed the Quokka BBQ of burning Prez. To redeem himself, he top edged a bowl near his temple and re-energised his innings to retire at 38 from 20. We had an attacking cameo from Hendo which unfortunately ended when he perfectly picked the fielder at deep square leg, ending his innings at 20 from 10.
HENDO!
Our innings was at 8/171 in the 21st over. 48 runs needed from 4 overs. The Animal and myself trying to work out what we need to do with the comfort that Dutchy is in the sheds. The Animal was in charge of rotating the strike which he did cleverly and my job was to just get bat on ball, which all 10 VCs kept reminding me. The final over required 16 from 6, The Animal and I already agreed just to hit out or get out as Dutchy could come back in and finish the job. 2 sixes and a couple of hard run 2s managed to finish the job for the Quokkas and we won with 2 balls to spare!
A memorable game for the Quokkas!
Radar and The AnimalCricket is very much the winner
After starting the season like the 2022 Melbourne Demons Mens team, The Quokkas seem to be following their lead by having something of a drop-off, losing fairly convincingly (again) to The Rainbow Hotel in their last game.
The Rainbow were simply able to bowl in much better areas for a prolonged period, not letting the Quokka batters settle or score runs easily. A great game and a good benchmark for where we can improve.
One important area where we have made great improveents is the mid-innings barbecue, not spotted since pre-covid, but relaunched on the weekend with great success mainly thanks to the energy of Ray Jayner. Nice one, Ray.
Improvement in the middle will certainly be of great import this Sunday against The Nomads. Traditionally contestants at the pointy end of the Big Day Not Out, they bring the sort of batting power that could result in several balls being lost into the wild scrub at Cox Oval, and possibly losing some of our players trying to retrieve said balls.
Form Guide:
As mentioned, The Quokkas have hit a mid-season dip after starting the Summer in the sort of form that requires SPF 50.
We take a settled squad into the game this week for some balanced heads and big hitting.
In the Spotlight:
This was quite remiss of me, but I missed the fact that last game was Eds 100th appearance for The Quokkas. This has included 75 YPCA games, 10 Big Day Not Outs, 10 T20-type appearances, 3 VBCA games and 2 games in Sri Lanka.
In the YPCA, Ed has scored 1,350 (second-most) runs at 36.49 with a high score of 58*. This has included 108 fours and 37 sixes.
He’s also bowled 170.2 overs for 58 wickets (a Quokka record) at 18.81, gong at a miserly 6.41 runs per over. Furthermore, he’s taken 32 catches and affected 5 run outs, giving him 37 dismissals – which is also the second most at the club.
More than all of this though, he has been secretary of the league for the last 10 (?) years – making sure we all get on every week, sheltering us from the pain of herding the clowder that are the YPCA captains.
Finally, he’s a great bloke and it’s genuinely been a privilege to spend time with him. Thanks Eddie.
King Island clubbing
Alfred crescent memories
Beatboxing days
Where’s Ed?
There’s Ed!
Team News:
A long weekend looms large on the horizon, so some desperate calls may need to be made before the weekend, but at this stage the team is:
El Prez
F1 (c)
Jay
Alex
Radar
Ed
Dutchy
Oscar
Big Dave
The Animal
Hendo
Pitch and Conditions:
It’s no secret that Cox Oval is my least favourite ground in the YPCA, and probably in the great State of Victoria too. Surrounded by nettles, wattles, Yowies, Yetis (and other unpleasantries) just beyond the very short boundaries.
The pitch itself is wafer thin, which doesn’t help those of us that occasionally stray a little wide.
It’s looking cloudy with a top of 25 on Sunday, so there could be a bit of swing in the air for the likes of Animal and Prez.
Stats and Trivia:
This will be The Animals 30th appearance for The Quokkas, here’s looking forward to the Wildman on the mysteriously powered bicycle terrorising batters for many more to come;
Oscar is only two runs off 100 for the season from only 3 digs. Pretty rude really;
As announced by Slug, Dutchy got his 50th YPCA wicket in the last game, he’s averaging a wicket every 24.52 runs at 7.25 per over and 2.67 bounces before each delivery;
Radar was out after hitting his 1000th run in the last game, which was very considerate of him in regards to keeping things tight numerically. His average has jumped to 25.64 this season from 22.64 at the end of last season – not easy to do;
Jay kicked the door in on the 40 wicket club last weekend (he’s up to 41), just in time to see Dutchy walk to the next-door club house. Jay is averaging an insane 17.68 at 6.42 RPO;
Welcome to 2023! I read something the other day that said the theme of my year would be the song that was #1 on the charts when I turned 23, which turned out to be “wherever, whenever” by Shakira. If you can trust anything in life, it’s the internet.
That being said, with The Quokkas form so far this season, we will look to take our opposition on wherever and whenever – and often with success.
This week sees us return to Burnley Oval to take on The Rainbow Hotel. The corresponding fixture last year was played in fits and starts due to some pretty torrential weather, though ended with us neither fitting nor starting and being rolled by our old friends.
The last time we managed to beat The Rainbow, our Token Fast Bowler (not Radar, Jay) was Captain, and so he is again. Here’s hoping we ‘Dare (la la la)’ to take the game on and Jay helps us to ‘Did it again’.
Form Guide:
The Quokkas are in good form this Summer, possibly benefitting from the cooler weather on their (mostly) older bones, with 3 wins from 4 matches and the one loss possibly being due to incredible use of Crocs.
With a mix of (again) older hands and some YOUTH being injected into the side (courtesy of The Empress), the camaraderie and spirit is certainly ‘Loco’.
In the Spotlight:
The Animal hosted a brilliant after-training session last Sunday, treating those in attendance to some of his home brews. Absolutely delicious stuff – many thanks to the wild man on two wheels.
On top of this, the long-haired one has scored 137 YPCA runs at 15.22 and taken 7 YPCA wickets at only 6.76 runs per over.
Team News:
The summer break has obviously invigorated a few bodies and we are well stocked ahead of Sunday. The Squad (at the time of writing) is:
Hendo
Big Dave
Ed
Dutchy
Alex
Jay (c)
Radar
Fargo
Animal
Prez
F1
Fridge
Rev
Pitch and Conditions:
Burnley Oval may be one of the more distant grounds that you have to travel to in the Pub League, but it’s certainly worth it. The outfield almost always has grass with very little in the way of pot holes or dog shit. The pitch itself isn’t too narrow, the toilets are almost always open and there are BBQ facilities available.
If only it wasn’t more than a 10 minute drive away…
It’s going to be a scorcher on Saturday, but Sunday looks a lot more reasonable with a cool change coming in and a top of 23. Remember to slip, slop, slap and slide.
Stats and Trivia:
Ed is currently sitting on 58 career YPCA wickets (average of 18.66 at 6.43 runs per over), could the former off-spinner swing his way to being the first to 60 this weekend?
Radar has hit 983 YPCA runs and is well-placed to be the third to crack 1,000 this weekend, currently averaging 84 for the season)
Jay, 39 YPCA wickets (average 18.21, 6.4 rpo), is one away from joining the 40-club with Dutchy and I
This will be The President of King Islands 10th YPCA match for The Quokkas, she is averaging over a wicket a game and has become a most welcome member of the team
Shakira is accused of defrauding the Spanish government of 14.5 million euros through tax fraud
It was forecast to be 34 degrees and that would make it the hottest game I’d play in yet. Stamina was the name of the game. We arrived at an abandoned oval where no punter dared braving the heat. It was set out to be a cracker and extra beers were on order to share with our friends from the Pinnacle.
Walking over to the other team it appeared that they were a captain short with a number of fill-ins to help them form a team for the day. We had made ourselves comfortable in the stand and the Pinnacle decided to remain in the shade of the clubhouse. There was a cooler, two slabs of beer, two bags of ice, and too many tea towels.
A substitute captain was identified in AJ, we flipped a coin, and they won so chose to bat. They were struggling with numbers so this might have been the only outcome for the toss.
I always prefer to start bowling in a game. My theory is that it brings the team closer together and committed to the day. I think there is more energy at the start of the day and that’s best used playing together as a team defending any advances the other team might want to make.
We were off to a flying start.
Four Quokkas Quokking
Fielding was tight and I was leaning on the expertise of others in the team. Radar, Alex, and Rev were able to direct the team around the field and prioritise taking advantage when learning new things about the Pinnacle’s batting.
There were some screamers but we kept them down to 169 before stepping up to the crease.
Some notable mentions to make go to: Pete ‘Fargo’ Wells for incredible reflexes to catch a ball with the one hand; Jay Rainer diving for a successful catch; Matt stepping in to fill in for the Quokkas and scoring a big graze on his leg stopping boundaries and catching a huge hit; Radar securing another couple of stumpings; and, Oscar diving for a catch and missing it by millimetres. What a team.
So we were up to bat, and the heat was peaking for the day. Radar and Tim were the first partnership of the day and the runs were coming through in force.
With all the running, Tim retired shy of his 30, but the trend had been set. Radar, Oscar, and Dutchy all retired and came back to the bench ready to jump back on when needed.
TBC Death
Alex was in there on a streak when he was caught. A notable mention to Oscar for getting his first 30! The final partnership between Jay and me led us to the win. A huge day and an excellent show from the mighty Quokkas.
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