Quokkas CC 164-2 (Arunav 52no, Faggie 42no, Harry 31no) beat Harpenden CC 163-7 (Sohail 2-11, Driver 1-17, Harry 1-17, Tugboat 1-18, Egg 1-22)
With artificial intelligence (AI) entering into all parts of our life, and pretty every job apart from wine tasting [Ed: there is still hope for all us then] soon to be performed by a microchip, we are faced with the reality that humans probably won’t need to work, there will be no need for money and with the right governance, every one of us can live a life of complete leisure, focusing our attentions purely on the creation and consumption of art [Ed: you really did winter well Seagull]. The world is changing fast. So fast, that even that look into the not-too-distant future has become outdated. Artforms such as literature, music and painting, all of which I thought would rely on humans, are themselves being generated by AI. This will leave us poor sods with pretty much nothing to live for [Ed: I take that back. The optimism I gleamed from your last match report has not stood the test of time].
Whether derivative, scraped or replicated material constitutes creativity, I am not sure. Algorithms and originality are not especially good bedfellows, but all art comes from some sort of (human) experience. So, is AI simply replacing the artist and it is up to the consumer to decide whether the output is genuine art? The question about execution or ideas being the most important have been discussed extensively. Having no skills with a brush or a camera has not prevented conceptual artists, such as Tracy Emin, and minimalists like Piet Mondrian creating thought provoking pieces. One thing’s for sure, learning how to prompt your PC is certainly going to give a leg up to those of us that need help from Neil Buchanan. The upshot of all of this is that my next set of badly drawn Quokkas might resemble some of the players.
Combining art and modern technology is nothing new of course. In fact, Mrs Seagull ventured across to Brighton this weekend to enjoy the Van Gogh immersive experience. I was disappointed to miss out on the opportunity to be present in the starry night, until I discovered that, due to Aslef fighting for its members rights, this would be a three-day haul, including the public transport users’ nightmare – the bus replacement service. The things we do for our passions. Over the weekend, I myself, spent six hours in a car to enable me to spend 12 hours in a field enjoying my own passion, all be it some it was trawling around the M25 trying to recover my pads left in Essex last week. However, thanks to yet another strong Quokkas line up (by that I mean one which includes Tugboat), some tidy bowling and some marvellous batting from our top order, my services weren’t really required. Which was nice, as this allowed me to take up my favoured relaxed semi-inclined position beyond the boundary rope for 35 overs. I did instruct Leaky to be a little straighter at mid-off a few times, which had absolutely no impact whatsoever, but the Quokkas are like a finely oiled machine these days. The art of captaincy, therefore, is just to let it steamroll downhill.
And I should say, what a wonderful field it was to stand in. With our regular game against Harpenden Dolphins falling by the wayside, (no more having the pitch being revealed in front of your eyes by a council worker with a Flymo) the fixture has been upgraded to Harpenden CC at their marvellous ground on the outskirts of the village. Having been spoilt last week at Belhaus CC, we were once again treated to some first-class facilities, with a superb batting surface and pristine outfield. [Ed: We could get used to this] If there are no covers, sightscreens and boundary ropes at Newdigate Cricket Club, I’m going to be disappointed with you Evil Dave.
With the sun out and a fine batting track at our disposal it would have been rude to ask our hosts to field. To his surprise, Tugboat was asked to open the bowling. Creativity takes courage but to be honest, he looks almost as competent with the ball in hand as he does with the bat. We saw good lines and lengths and maybe even some turn. Ok, maybe not spin, but he did manage to coax a false shot or two and claimed his first Quokkas wicket with one of those. He also took a fabulous catch at midwicket. If he continues like this, he’s going to start to give us a good name [Ed: Hmmmm, I fear for us when he is unavailable].
At the other end, to his father’s chagrin, Harry was forced to run into a strong headwind, but it didn’t seem to affect his line and length. Putting to one side Seagull’s membership of the spinner’s union, there may have been some method to his madness, because without the wind to their backs, one or two deliveries from the replacement spinners [Ed: you mean Radio John, don’t you?] might not have reached the batsman.
With Bradley Jr. given some rest bite, Sohail entered the attack and as with most of Faggie’s cricketing friends, he found `half-way-down-the-track’ to be a particularly inviting place to bowl. It paid dividends though, as perhaps our opponents’ most talented batter sent an inviting short ball straight to midwicket. And that was not before he’d claimed a lovely caught and bowled from a far better ball.
At the other end, the wind-assisted Radio John was extremely difficult to score from. As was The Driver, who prior to an imminent full body reconstruction, showed exactly what we will be missing for the rest of the summer. He claimed a wicket and there was a tidy run out too, as our slightly overenthusiastic young opponents underestimated the quality of the Quokkas in the field [Ed: Seriously?].
With an attacking field in place, The Egg also added to his wickets collection and with a bit more luck, may have had several. Faggie and Leaky gave us a chance to dodge traffic retrieving balls from the meadow on the other side of the road, before the last of our wickets was taken by Harry, with a corker of a delivery. Lovely.
Over a bring-your-own tea [Ed: some posher than others] we discussed the excitement and brilliance of Football League play-off games, the limitations of Cameron Green – too short, too Australian, Evil Dave’s impending migration to France and whether enhanced weathered basalt can really help cool our planet. The usual.
The sound of corks being popped at regular intervals was an indication that the Quokkettes were in attendance to see their aging husbands in various states of incapacity. Unfortunately, Skip failed to make the starting line due to a strained drinking arm. Evil pulled up lame after one over and Leaky left the field somewhat battered and bruised [Ed: we recommend using the wooden thing in your hands next time]. Cricket can be a dangerous game, and when a smashed six hit Egg Jr, a trip to casualty seemed a likely result. However, these Eggs are made of stern stuff, Jessica refusing to show any pain and almost immediately returning to the activity of smashing footballs past Egg Sr. A `soft as shite southerner’, like me, would have milked that injury for weeks. Hard core.
With Tugboat opening the bowling, Seagull seemed to be taking a leaf out of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War: “attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected" and that continued with Evil Dave being asked to open. Sadly, the prementioned injury scuppered that plan, it thus fell to Arunav and Leaky to lead us into battle. And after a quick brush up on the art of running (no,backing up’ doesn’t mean stand further back in the crease Leaky) they were both piling on the runs. In fact, so much so that Arunav had to retire having reached a half century. Arunav looks in tremendous form, looking solid in defence and playing some beautiful backfoot drives. It was a great partnership, with Leaky beating his best-ever Quokkas score, including a lovely lofted straight drive for four, before he fell to a straight one.
Next man up was Harry and as with all class batsman he looked like he had so much time. Sohail on the other hand, looked like a man in a hurry, attacking immediately and smashing the ball to the boundary. Sadly, he didn’t last long on this occasion, but cricketers that tell Faggie to “**** off” and play in black trainers and John Lennon sunglasses are duty bound to turn out for the Quokkas on a regular basis. Welcome aboard sir.
Talking of Faggie, our very own renaissance man was in next [Ed: That was a schoolboy error Seagull] and looked in great touch, offering no chances and almost no opportunities for Plan-F to be activated. As he rapidly approached his second half century in a row, the only option was to volunteer his retirement, which was gratefully accepted and allowed Radio John and Harry the honour of seeing us home to a comfortable victory.
Our thanks to our hosts, who made us very welcome and even opened the bar to allow our usual piss-artists to celebrate our second win in style. The question now is, can the Quokkas go through the entire season unbeaten?
Seagull
Sculptured like Michelangelo’s David [Ed: More like, morphing into Tony Hart]
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