• Quokkas CC 164-2 (Arunav 52no, Faggie 42no, Harry 31no) beat Harpenden CC 163-7 (Sohail 2-11, Driver 1-17, Harry 1-17, Tugboat 1-18, Egg 1-22)

    With artificial intelligence (AI) entering into all parts of our life, and pretty every job apart from wine tasting [Ed: there is still hope for all us then] soon to be performed by a microchip, we are faced with the reality that humans probably won’t need to work, there will be no need for money and with the right governance, every one of us can live a life of complete leisure, focusing our attentions purely on the creation and consumption of art [Ed: you really did winter well Seagull]. The world is changing fast. So fast, that even that look into the not-too-distant future has become outdated. Artforms such as literature, music and painting, all of which I thought would rely on humans, are themselves being generated by AI. This will leave us poor sods with pretty much nothing to live for [Ed: I take that back. The optimism I gleamed from your last match report has not stood the test of time].

    Whether derivative, scraped or replicated material constitutes creativity, I am not sure. Algorithms and originality are not especially good bedfellows, but all art comes from some sort of (human) experience. So, is AI simply replacing the artist and it is up to the consumer to decide whether the output is genuine art? The question about execution or ideas being the most important have been discussed extensively. Having no skills with a brush or a camera has not prevented conceptual artists, such as Tracy Emin, and minimalists like Piet Mondrian creating thought provoking pieces. One thing’s for sure, learning how to prompt your PC is certainly going to give a leg up to those of us that need help from Neil Buchanan. The upshot of all of this is that my next set of badly drawn Quokkas might resemble some of the players.

    Combining art and modern technology is nothing new of course. In fact, Mrs Seagull ventured across to Brighton this weekend to enjoy the Van Gogh immersive experience. I was disappointed to miss out on the opportunity to be present in the starry night, until I discovered that, due to Aslef fighting for its members rights, this would be a three-day haul, including the public transport users’ nightmare – the bus replacement service. The things we do for our passions. Over the weekend, I myself, spent six hours in a car to enable me to spend 12 hours in a field enjoying my own passion, all be it some it was trawling around the M25 trying to recover my pads left in Essex last week. However, thanks to yet another strong Quokkas line up (by that I mean one which includes Tugboat), some tidy bowling and some marvellous batting from our top order, my services weren’t really required. Which was nice, as this allowed me to take up my favoured relaxed semi-inclined position beyond the boundary rope for 35 overs. I did instruct Leaky to be a little straighter at mid-off a few times, which had absolutely no impact whatsoever, but the Quokkas are like a finely oiled machine these days. The art of captaincy, therefore, is just to let it steamroll downhill.

    And I should say, what a wonderful field it was to stand in. With our regular game against Harpenden Dolphins falling by the wayside, (no more having the pitch being revealed in front of your eyes by a council worker with a Flymo) the fixture has been upgraded to Harpenden CC at their marvellous ground on the outskirts of the village. Having been spoilt last week at Belhaus CC, we were once again treated to some first-class facilities, with a superb batting surface and pristine outfield. [Ed: We could get used to this] If there are no covers, sightscreens and boundary ropes at Newdigate Cricket Club, I’m going to be disappointed with you Evil Dave.

    With the sun out and a fine batting track at our disposal it would have been rude to ask our hosts to field. To his surprise, Tugboat was asked to open the bowling. Creativity takes courage but to be honest, he looks almost as competent with the ball in hand as he does with the bat. We saw good lines and lengths and maybe even some turn. Ok, maybe not spin, but he did manage to coax a false shot or two and claimed his first Quokkas wicket with one of those. He also took a fabulous catch at midwicket. If he continues like this, he’s going to start to give us a good name [Ed: Hmmmm, I fear for us when he is unavailable].

    At the other end, to his father’s chagrin, Harry was forced to run into a strong headwind, but it didn’t seem to affect his line and length. Putting to one side Seagull’s membership of the spinner’s union, there may have been some method to his madness, because without the wind to their backs, one or two deliveries from the replacement spinners [Ed: you mean Radio John, don’t you?] might not have reached the batsman.

    With Bradley Jr. given some rest bite, Sohail entered the attack and as with most of Faggie’s cricketing friends, he found `half-way-down-the-track’ to be a particularly inviting place to bowl. It paid dividends though, as perhaps our opponents’ most talented batter sent an inviting short ball straight to midwicket. And that was not before he’d claimed a lovely caught and bowled from a far better ball.

    At the other end, the wind-assisted Radio John was extremely difficult to score from. As was The Driver, who prior to an imminent full body reconstruction, showed exactly what we will be missing for the rest of the summer. He claimed a wicket and there was a tidy run out too, as our slightly overenthusiastic young opponents underestimated the quality of the Quokkas in the field [Ed: Seriously?].

    With an attacking field in place, The Egg also added to his wickets collection and with a bit more luck, may have had several. Faggie and Leaky gave us a chance to dodge traffic retrieving balls from the meadow on the other side of the road, before the last of our wickets was taken by Harry, with a corker of a delivery. Lovely.

    Over a bring-your-own tea [Ed: some posher than others] we discussed the excitement and brilliance of Football League play-off games, the limitations of Cameron Green – too short, too Australian, Evil Dave’s impending migration to France and whether enhanced weathered basalt can really help cool our planet. The usual.

    The sound of corks being popped at regular intervals was an indication that the Quokkettes were in attendance to see their aging husbands in various states of incapacity. Unfortunately, Skip failed to make the starting line due to a strained drinking arm. Evil pulled up lame after one over and Leaky left the field somewhat battered and bruised [Ed: we recommend using the wooden thing in your hands next time]. Cricket can be a dangerous game, and when a smashed six hit Egg Jr, a trip to casualty seemed a likely result. However, these Eggs are made of stern stuff, Jessica refusing to show any pain and almost immediately returning to the activity of smashing footballs past Egg Sr. A `soft as shite southerner’, like me, would have milked that injury for weeks. Hard core.

    With Tugboat opening the bowling, Seagull seemed to be taking a leaf out of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War: “attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected" and that continued with Evil Dave being asked to open. Sadly, the prementioned injury scuppered that plan, it thus fell to Arunav and Leaky to lead us into battle. And after a quick brush up on the art of running (no,backing up’ doesn’t mean stand further back in the crease Leaky) they were both piling on the runs. In fact, so much so that Arunav had to retire having reached a half century. Arunav looks in tremendous form, looking solid in defence and playing some beautiful backfoot drives. It was a great partnership, with Leaky beating his best-ever Quokkas score, including a lovely lofted straight drive for four, before he fell to a straight one.

    Next man up was Harry and as with all class batsman he looked like he had so much time. Sohail on the other hand, looked like a man in a hurry, attacking immediately and smashing the ball to the boundary. Sadly, he didn’t last long on this occasion, but cricketers that tell Faggie to “**** off” and play in black trainers and John Lennon sunglasses are duty bound to turn out for the Quokkas on a regular basis. Welcome aboard sir.

    Talking of Faggie, our very own renaissance man was in next [Ed: That was a schoolboy error Seagull] and looked in great touch, offering no chances and almost no opportunities for Plan-F to be activated. As he rapidly approached his second half century in a row, the only option was to volunteer his retirement, which was gratefully accepted and allowed Radio John and Harry the honour of seeing us home to a comfortable victory.

    Our thanks to our hosts, who made us very welcome and even opened the bar to allow our usual piss-artists to celebrate our second win in style. The question now is, can the Quokkas go through the entire season unbeaten?

    Sculptured like Michelangelo’s David [Ed: More like, morphing into Tony Hart]

  • Quokkas CC 191-1 (Tugboat 85no, Faggie 65no, Arunav 27) beat Belhus CC 187-7 (Seagull 2-9, Skip 1-12)

    It’s that time of the year again, when I have a good old moan about the world’s ills, outline the long and painful winter that I’ve had, before providing a short description of the first Quokkas defeat of the season. However, my winter wasn’t all bad this time around. Saints were obviously woeful (I’d put a fork in us back in February) and lost most weeks. The Eagles lost in the Superbowl. My freedom to protest was lost, as was my ability to swim in our waterways and move freely in Europe. However, I did move one step closer to becoming an Olympian, acquired my first trombone and ploughed my way through several cases of a lovely Chateauxneuf Du Pape.

    Competing in the Olympics has been a childhood dream. However, despite being incredibly talented at almost everything and really, really, good looking, I have to admit, I lack some outstanding physical attributes, especially, but not exclusively, speed, stamina and strength. Because of this, becoming an Olympian has never seemed attainable. The winter is a good time to take stock, and when discussing this issue over a few pints, we realised there were a couple of loops holes worth exploring. Principally horse riding and target sports.

    Despite finding pony trekking in the new Forrest to be tremendous fun, a general lack of bravery and desire to muck out horses for ten years, meant that was never going to work. Target sports thus were the final avenue open to me. So, with that in mind, I signed up for a six-week archery course to hone the skills and make a late bid for Paris 2024. Sadly, after a few enjoyable weeks, it was obvious there are no skills to hone, so the dream seemed to be over. Or was it? On completion of the course, I discovered target shooting was also available and will get my hands on an air rifle for the first time next winter. I realise it will be cutting it fine to make the Great Britain Olympic team, but I’ve little doubt this is the sport for me.

    Combining guns with my winter wine consumption may be a concern, but alcohol is of course very good for you. If you’ve never watched Cheers, let me explain. A herd of zebras moves as quickly as its weakest members, with the slowest ones at the back killed first by predators. The upshot is this natural selection helps to improve the speed and health of the herd. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cell. We all know that consuming alcohol kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest first, so drinking helps make a faster and more efficient brain. That’s why you feel smarter after a few glasses of Chablis.

    It will be obvious by the quality of this match report, that I’ve been on the sauce all evening, but after 13 years of wasting hours coming up with tosh like this, I was thinking of passing the mantel. Sadly, only Faggie volunteered and I was concerned readers might struggle to get a true flavour of the game, if the only words used were “me, me, me, me, me, me…” (Ed: oh, the irony). To save time, I thought I’d give ChatGPT a whirl, but for some reason I can’t login to my account now, so you’ll have to suffer the usual gibberish from the real Seagull. Or is it?

    We were in North Stifford for our first game of the season. The last time I was in this part of Essex was to see the Sultans of Ping FC return from an eight-year hiatus to play the Fat Surfer in the Grays Working Men’s Club. Although perhaps closer to the Pistols at the Lesser Free Trade Hall than Oasis at Knebworth, my now fading memory is of a tumultuous gig, that despite the desolate surroundings, was a tremendously brilliant occasion. The surroundings on Sunday may have been at the other end of the spectrum at the beautiful Belhus Cricket Club, but the outcome was much the same. For the `huge’ crowd in attendance, (Ed: who no doubt came to see the world-famous Quokkas?) who took advantage of the cheap ale and live Premiership football in the clubhouse, this was a Quokka game for the ages.

    Fully automated scoreboard, sightscreens, covers, bowling machine, motorised heavy roller and actual boundary rope may be the kind of thing you’d expect to find when arriving at a cricket ground, but it’s not the norm for the Quokkas and to be honest my first thought was that our new fixture secretary may have over-estimated our ability and signed us up to another bruising encounter. We’ve been here before of course, with Seagull arranging a fixture against Portsmouth and Southsea CC, which required our opponents to bat wrong handed to make a game of it. Thankfully, the majority of the North Stifford side was comprised of colts (although I should add, very talented colts), so we at least had a chance of achieving respectability and hopefully getting a return fixture.

    Despite the covers, the pitch looked a little green and Skip very wisely chose to bowl first. With a beautiful cloudless sky, this promised to be a great day and with his very first delivery Yak immediately got an edge. This is just what the doctor ordered, a wicket from the first over, but with the ball flying slowly straight to Skip at first slip, he promptly spilled it. That set the standard, as several simple chances were dropped by the Quokkas and one or two by our opponents later.

    In Sunday fixtures, not taking wickets can often by a blessing in disguise, with the two openers making good, but only steady progress. However, just as they started to open up, the partnership was broken, with another simple catch, this time held by Seagull, after some smart bowling from Arunav. At the other end, the seemingly ageless Evil Dave bowled a terrific spell of seven overs for not many, beating the bat numerous times and unlucky not to grab a handful of wickets. For someone who was knackered after a three over spell of spin, I was very impressed at Evil’s level of fitness. I have to say he looked sprightly and agile in the field too, putting most of us to shame [Ed: are you OK Seagull? I see lots of praise being handed out, but no sarcasm at all].

    Sprightly and agile are not the words you could use to describe Skip [Ed: normal service returns], who looks like a man that has carried the sherpas bags all his life, but one terrific stop, that possibly broke both wrist and ribs, showed that it’s not all about turn of foot. Not all the fielding was impressive though, with Paolo and Faggie moving at the speed of icebergs on the legside, and Seagull diving about ten minutes after the ball had passed him. A short dive to his right would have given Todd a relatively simple catch, but he was too busy admiring a portly sunbather supping champagne in his front garden.

    With two batters well set and starting to get away, Skip brought himself and Seagull on to stem the flow of runs. Seagull bowled perhaps his best spell for the Quokkas, bamboozling several batters and beating the bat at will. He was rewarded with two wickets in an over, with a further run out helping to decimate the middle order, thanks to a fine throw from Todd. At the other end, the medium paced Egg (Skip) was equally accurate and got a much-deserved wicket. Faggie showing a solid pair of hands. With runs drying up, there was an opportunity to see Paolo in full flow and he was backed up by Todd, who took a great caught and bowled. Then a suicidal run out added another to the wicket’s column, with Tugboat turning the screw. At the close of innings, our opponents had scored a healthy 187 for 7.

    We have a new contender for best tea. Although I had my doubts about chilli con carne on a hot summer’s day, the overall spread was fantastic (Ed: clear evidence of this was two generations of Bradleys spotted mine sweeping long into the second innings) including sandwiches, pork pies, roast potatoes, melon, grapes and strawberries. The Driver will be gutted to discover he also missed out on chicken nuggets and a bucket of KFC hot wings. Over said tea, we discussed the forthcoming Ashes defeat of the Aussies, pondered whether if you died in prison, but were resuscitated, your life sentence would be over, and discovered that Faggie was now a football fan. Just as I was preparing myself for comments along the lines of “he was gonna, you know, kick it right up the other end and put the ball in their goal hole, but no dice” it turned out his interest only extended to betting on the number of corners in Arsenal games.

    The possibility of watching two generations of Bradley’s in full flow, and perhaps more importantly, a post-match bar-b-q, enticed Zoolander to attend, and the quality of umpiring was enhanced after tea as he took to the middle for a stint. Surprisingly he didn’t trigger Faggie, although his willingness to take bribes possibly explained that.

    Time for a batting masterclass. Faced by array of young bowling talent, Skip sent out the big guns, with Tugboat and Arunav opening. Both were stoic in defence and absolutely ruthless in attack, playing a vast array of fine strokes and sending the ball to all quarters. Chasing 188, they effortlessly hit 60 off the first twelve overs. We looked like a proper cricket team. Eventually, Arunav was out, caught in the deep, but it would the last wicket we lost. In came Faggie and after a measured start, he brushed the cobwebs off in fine style by smashing a full toss for a huge six. There was some good running too. It’s amazing how quickly he runs between the wickets when he hits the ball.

    The pace continued unabated, with Tugboat destroying anything short or full, quickly passing his half century. After drinks the pair scored 70 runs from the next ten overs, which saw us home with five overs to spare. It was amazing to watch and an outstanding performance from all three batters. Faggie finished with 65 not out and Tugboat carried his bat for 85 and we wondered whether that was a Quokkas first? (Ed: Arunav retired after getting a century against Tusmore in 2013) If Todd and Paolo hadn’t literally drunk the bar dry, you’d have deserved a well-earned beer.

    I should point out that despite the apparent ease in which we took victory, the bowling was of a very high standard. In short, Arnuav, Faggie and Tugboat were on a different level and this was without doubt the finest batting display in Quokkas history. Superb stuff.

    See you in Harpenden. It’s all downhill from here.
    The Real Seagull
    Bowl first

  • From Captain Big Dave….

    Our biggest day of the year was set up to be a scorcher, Quokkas v the Standard @ Fairlea West.

    No toss was necessary as they wanted to bowl and we wanted to bat, after a cheeky pre-game pump up net sesh.

    The standard brought out their best bowling of the year, smashing through our top order, with Radar caught at long on going after a loose delivery in the first over.

    Dutchy fell shortly after, bowled on another full toss. Little did we know that this was the start of a pattern.

    Alex and F1 battled to steady the ship, chipping away with singles and a couple of boundaries before they too were both bowled.

    F1, doing a little fencing in front of a lot of fencing

    The ever resilient Jay Rayner did his best to get that score up, almost melting in the 32° dusty centre. All those singles and twos took their toll and he was also rattled.

    Blake and Oscar tried to get us moving but we’re also bowled… yes, there were 7 dismissals, 6 of them were bowled… unheard of! The standard required 57 to win off their 10 overs.

    Captain Big Dave kicked off the quokkas bowling, with a bit of pace not seen since the week prior.

    Captain Big Dave with the Big pace(tm)

    The standard’s innings was slow going too, being forced to run hard as the Quokkas kept the pressure on throughout. In the 5th over, Dutchy took the only Quokkas wicket (FOW 1/33).

    Somehow Jay Rayner kept running in the field and delivered a red hot over.
    Quokkas were valiant in their bowling and fielding efforts. Not many made it through, but not many needed to with the standard getting the win in the 8th over.

    This may have been the end of the playing, but it wasn’t the end of the day with most Quokkas sticking around to support the Standard against the Vic. Shade was hard to come by, but beers were not and the afternoon was spectacular.

  • From Captain Alex…

    The weather was perfect. The oval was idyllic. The other team was late. We batted first. Most of us contributed with the bat. Rohan and I made 30. They had a few great bowlers. They took some wild catches. As a bowling attack they were a very decent I reckon, so well done us. 

    Then we had a break. Snags weren’t one quarter ready which came as a surprise to absolutely no one. 

    We went into field. Energy was high. Very supportive attitude from us. We held every catch we were hit – fucking bravo. We had some food over the drinks break. 

    Josh, in his first game bowled some good mediums. Took a third over when it mattered too. Peter, the younger of the Sforcinas in general energy, also bowled very well. 

    We backed each other up well. Lotta encouragement. And that meant when it came down to the wire we had the upper hand. We held our nerve. Diving efforts from Quokkas narrowly avoided a couple of 4s in the final overs.

    Love that. 

    We were all in and properly committed and behind each other and that’s why we finished the game with our nose ahead. Well done Peter-the-younger-Sforcina for a level headed, accurate final over. Top work all. A memorable win. Thanks Slug for the pictures and updates. 

  • Match Facts:

    Nerrena Cricket Ground

    Nerrena, Gippsland



    1pm start

    The Big Picture:

    After a couple of years away from the scenic capital of the Cricket calendar (say that ten times fast), The Quokkas return to Nerrena this weekend for another celebration of inclusive Cricket while admiring the vista.

    I can’t actually remember how many times we’ve made the trip down there (5? 6?), but it isn’t nearly enough. 

    After getting absolutely walloped the first couple of times we went down there, we managed to even the scoreline for a while, before Nerrena have wrested dominance in the last couple of games. 

    That’s hardly the point though, it’s all about doing our best and enjoying it on the way. 

    The last game was quite insightful for me personally, I had one bloke hit me for just about the biggest six I’ve been hit for (there is a compelling list of the top 10), then his daughter bowled me after getting one to jag in off the cut strip.  Anyone else may think a family vendetta was on.

    Regardless, it should be great fun.

    Nerrena: Where childrens arms go to disappear

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas are probably in the best form they have been in for 10 years, with an incredible mix of veterans providing cricketing-canny and new recruits providing energy and exuberance.  Oh yeah, we are also scoring a lot of runs and bowling and fielding well.

    This weekend may be a bit of a challenge as it will be played to YPCA rules, though the dreaded LBW is included, so the stats won’t count and the straight one will get you out (don’t think that’s a Wu Tang line…yet).

    In the Spotlight:

    The ultimate team-man, Ray Jayner, has changed his game this year to forego individual awards for the betterment of Quokkas everywhere.

    While his batting average is down to 14.0 for the season, his strike rate is up to 1.33, often against opening bowlers.  This has taken the pressure off those around him and sewn the seed of doubt into the opposition.

    His is the type of game that is best suited for the Nerrena game and we look forward to a big one from the TFB.

    Team News:

    Everyone loves a game in Nerrena and as a result we have a squad bulging at the seams.

    1. Prez
    2. F1
    3. Ed
    4. Dutchy (c)
    5. Radar
    6. Jay
    7. Alex
    8. Animal
    9. Local?
    10. Big Dog?
    11. Rev
    12. Fargo
    13. Big Dave
    14. Oscar

    Pitch and Conditions:

    Nerrena is the loveliest ground we get to play on, surrounded by rolling hills and barely a scuff in the turf to be seen.

    Its looking like a top of 35 on the coast, so it should be a little cooler inland (and hopefully with a breeze), though its going to be a warm one so hydration is very, very important.

    Stats and Trivia:

    (We are out a bit this week due to the Vic Hotel scorecard not coming in yet)


    “My only regret is that I didn’t join earlier”

    • Fargo, on being asked if he is enjoying playing with The Quokkas
  • Match Facts:

    Poplar Oval,

    Royal Park



    The Big Picture:

    Being a pub cricketer is a life of dichotomy.  You love the game and want to play, just not at the expense of anything else you have in your life.  A warm Summers day spent at the markets may lead you to think “This’d be a great day for cricket” wistfully, and then you move on to the fish aisle.

    And so we enter this, our last YPCA match for the Season, with only the Big Day Not Out and a couple of tour matches to go.  Will we miss our afternoons in the field together?  Absolutely.  Will we find spreadsheets play with and seats in the MCC to kick during the cooler months? Probably.

    It’s been a great season so far with a couple of grouse additions to the team, as well as the return of old and newer faces.  The “net session” at Animals place was definitely a highlight. Lots of fun to be sure.

    The Vic Hotel is a team that, I believe, we haven’t crossed paths with as yet and so look forward to getting past that awkward stage where our eyes initially lock, before we are slow dancing in the middle of the field.

    Form Guide:

    The Quokkas are coming off a rollicking good time in The Pride Game last week, which we lost, but that was hardly the point. Everyone had a great time and we are stronger as a club for it.

    Before that, though, was our first win against the mighty Nomads.  This is territory so uncharted that Id almost expect Jean Luc Picard to be involved. 

    The Quokkas are putting together an awesome season together with great work in the field, some big hitting and disciplined bowling.  Well done all, let’s go and enjoy The Empress on Sunday afternoon.

    In the Spotlight:

    He’s back baby.  After a couple of years of sea-changing (or is that changing the sea?), The Sizzle has returned to the Quokka fold. 

    The man in the Bluey returned in last weeks Pride game and showed us what we had been missing; flat sixes smashed over mid-wicket, a complete disregard for skin cancer and the ability to produce young-cricketing prodigys.

    Welcome back Sizzle.

    Team News:

    It’s been a busy schedule for the last few weeks, but we’ve managed to get through it without injury or disinterest and as a result still have a full complement for Sunday:

    1. F1
    2. Prez
    3. Dutchy
    4. Radar
    5. Jay
    6. Alex [c]
    7. Sizzle
    8. The Animal
    9. TBC
    10. Fargo
    11. Oscar

    Pitch and Conditions:

    This is the first time we have been invited to play on the wrong side of Sydney Road (excluding the game in Adelaide) and we welcome the opportunity to play at the well-tended Poplar Oval ground that is part of Royal Park.

    It will be interesting to see what Royal Park is renamed to once we become a Republic, I for one nominate the name: Beers on the field.

    It’s looking cloudy on Sunday with a top of 20 and possibilities of showers, so we should get a full game in and hopefully some ring-a-ding-swing.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • Sizzle has some lovely and symmetrical batting figures: 111 runs at 11.1 and a top score of 33;
    • Thailand uses the Buddhist calendar, we are currently in the year 2566 BE using that Calendar;
    • Dutchy is 2 runs off 200 for the season, fair effort that;
    • The scene in which Toby Maguire catches all of the food on the trey in the Spiderman movie (2002) was not done with CGI, but he actually caught everything – it only took 156 attempts (much like my attempts at hitting a 30)
  • From Captain “Big” Dave…

    What an honour it was to captain the Quokkas again in our Pride match against Holy Trinity CC.

    In What can only be described as our biggest match of the year, we had a cast of thousands and everyone was ready and rearing to go at 9am.

    Off they go

    The day started with a gracious bat flip & Holy Trinity chose to bat. Jay opened the bowling strong and kept them to on their toes. Partnerships didn’t last long, as they retired after about 20 balls.

    They played hard, batted well and scored quickly. Lots of chatter in the field kept Quokkas spirits up, mostly from Dutchy who at one point declared “they’re swinging more than a Camberwell couple”.

    With all that swinging, They did manage to get the ball over the rope a few times.

    Our fielding was tight, thanks to having a couple of extra hands in the field, Charlie and Max giving them no room to move.

    Some accurate bowling from Fargo & F1 saw them lose a couple of wickets, Charlie helping Radar with yet another rapid stumping. Holy Trinity setting is a target of 163.

    F1 and Radar got Quokkas on the board early, with Rohan retiring on 20 in the fourth over. Some tight, straight and accurate bowling from HT kept us on our toes, none more than Dutchy, Oscar & Big Dave who managed to get a total of 0 off 6 deliveries between them.

    Fridge hits out

    Prez & Max steadied the ship with a partnership lasting a Couple of overs, Charlie also showing them how to do it. Fargo did he best to show his all rounder skills, with a special guest appearance by the six-hitting Sizzle.

    We managed a respectable 103 off our 20 overs, but cricket, sport and diversity were the real winners of the day.

    Nice one, Quokkas
  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, 5th of February

    Hayes Park, Thornbury


    9am start!

    The Big Picture:

    This is the second time that The Quokkas have been invited to play in the Holy Trinity Cricket Club Pride Round, and something we are very proud and excited about.

    The Pride Round is a great way to celebrate and promote inclusiveness in Cricket, which is pretty-much what The Quokkas are all about; giving everyone the chance to play the game regardless of age, gender or any other category you can dream up (even ability).

    Happy Days

    The corresponding game was great fun and we are all looking forward to more of it this Sunday.

    Form Guide:

    I should probably write more about this, given our incredible (and initial) win over The Nomads in the last game, though I may leave that for a more appropriate time. I think it will be a long time before we forget that one. I think its going to be a long, long time.

    The Quokkas have been in good form though and a large and supportive squad that is excited about having some fun this Sunday.

    In the Spotlight:

    Big Dave takes the helm as Captain for this game and we are all looking forward to his acknowledgement before the game.

    Dave was one of 3 Quokkas to hit their top score in the last game (along with Fargo and Hendo) and few of us will soon forget the unadulterated joy he exuded when he hit his first 4 last year. 

    Aside from batting heroics, Big Dave has also been something of a wizard with the ball, taking 4 YPCA wickets at 18 while only going for 6.55 RPO.

    Team News:

    Really proud of this, particularly given the game starts at 9am, but we have a plethora of Quokkas turning up to this one to support the cause.  I’m going to be coaching the HTCC U10s on the neighboring oval, but Maxy will be taking my place.

    1. Big Dave c)
    2. Max (vc)
    3. Prez
    4. F1
    5. Ed
    6. Dutchy
    7. Radar
    8. Jay
    9. Oscar
    10. Sizzle
    11. VP
    12. Animal
    13. J Rod
    14. Ami
    15. Fridge
    16. Fargo

    Pitch and Conditions

    Hayes Park actually has pretty decent Astro-pitches and the outfields are green and pretty flat considering the amount of cricket and dog walking that occurs on them.  Soccer training has started too, so perhaps a few more potholes than normal, but hardly mouthguard-requiring-areas.

    The BoM tells me that we are expecting some cloud cover with a top of 21, so pretty nice conditions if a little cool in the morning.  There may be a bit of dew about too, so possibly a slow outfield.

    Stats and Trivia

    • This will be the VPs 20th Quokkas appearance (18 YPCA, 1 T20) – unless he has detention;
    • The Animals efforts with the bat took him to exactly 150 career YPCA runs for The Quokkas (at a very healthy 16.67), shine on you crazy diamond;
    • Although it isn’t a YPCA game, J Rod is sitting on 39 wickets so very close to joining the burgeoning 40 wicket club;
    • Radars efforts with the gloves in the last game took him to 51 career YPCA fielding dismissals with 19 catches and a whopping 32 run outs / stumpings.  For context the next best is Ed with 38 (33 catches, 5 run outs / stumpings)
  • From Captain F1….

    W J Cox oval, an oval the size of a postage stamp and a pitch with a width not that forgiving. With the clouds around and the humidity about, it was perfect conditions to replicate Steve Harmison’s famous first ball of the Ashes. 

    The Nomads were going to host an amazing BBQ and due to this they were sent in to bat. We were gifted an orange ball which felt a lot harder than the traditional cricket balls we have played with. After discussions with the various Vice captains within the Quokkas (approximately 10 in total), we needed a different gameplan to tackle the strong batting side of the Nomads. One over spells was the tactic to be employed for our innings.

    The first 12 overs were not great. We leaked around 135 runs and we only managed two wickets during this time and their team have retired two of their batters. A few extra drinks during the break and we really turned up our fielding. Every player was backing up the throws and our bowlers were keeping the economy down. We managed to restrict them to 218 by the end of their innings!

    The pick of the bowlers was Pete ‘The Animal’ with 2/19 from 3 overs but all our bowlers really contributed in that second half of the Nomad’s innings.

    219 was definitely a score that could be chased down as long as we have batters in the shed. The field size was small so as long as we hit it in the gap, we should be able to score runs. The Nomads immediately set an aggressive field to try and create wicket chances. This didn’t work early as Radar was seeing it like a beach ball and scoring quickly. Ed was just on the opposite end and focusing on a well built innings. However, soon as Radar was eyeing off retirement, the Nomads pulled off a miracle catch to dismiss Radar for 28 from 13. Alex was next in and he and Ed put on a 20 run partnership before Ed was  caught and bowled for 15 from 16. Alex kept at the same attacking gear and putting away each delivery for 4, unfortunately he was bowled for 21 from 9.

    By the end of the 12th over, were were below par at 4/111 as Dutchy had performed the Quokka BBQ of burning Prez. To redeem himself, he top edged a bowl near his temple and re-energised his innings to retire at 38 from 20. We had an attacking cameo from Hendo which unfortunately ended when he perfectly picked the fielder at deep square leg, ending his innings at 20 from 10.


    Our innings was at 8/171 in the 21st over. 48 runs needed from 4 overs. The Animal and myself trying to work out what we need to do with the comfort that Dutchy is in the sheds. The Animal was in charge of rotating the strike which he did cleverly and my job was to just get bat on ball, which all 10 VCs kept reminding me. The final over required 16 from 6, The Animal and I already agreed just to hit out or get out as Dutchy could come back in and finish the job. 2 sixes and a couple of hard run 2s managed to finish the job for the Quokkas and we won with 2 balls to spare!

    A memorable game for the Quokkas!

    Radar and The Animal
    Cricket is very much the winner
  • Match Facts:

    Sunday, January 29th 2023

    Cox Oval, amongst the gum trees,

    With lots of plum trees,

    A sheep or two,

    A kangaroo



    The Big Picture:

    After starting the season like the 2022 Melbourne Demons Mens team, The Quokkas seem to be following their lead by having something of a drop-off, losing fairly convincingly (again) to The Rainbow Hotel in their last game.

    The Rainbow were simply able to bowl in much better areas for a prolonged period, not letting the Quokka batters settle or score runs easily.  A great game and a good benchmark for where we can improve.

    One important area where we have made great improveents is the mid-innings barbecue, not spotted since pre-covid, but relaunched on the weekend with great success mainly thanks to the energy of Ray Jayner.  Nice one, Ray.

    Improvement in the middle will certainly be of great import this Sunday against The Nomads.  Traditionally contestants at the pointy end of the Big Day Not Out, they bring the sort of batting power that could result in several balls being lost into the wild scrub at Cox Oval, and possibly losing some of our players trying to retrieve said balls.

    Form Guide:

    As mentioned, The Quokkas have hit a mid-season dip after starting the Summer in the sort of form that requires SPF 50. 

    We take a settled squad into the game this week for some balanced heads and big hitting.

    In the Spotlight:

    This was quite remiss of me, but I missed the fact that last game was Eds 100th appearance for The Quokkas.  This has included 75 YPCA games, 10 Big Day Not Outs, 10 T20-type appearances, 3 VBCA games and 2 games in Sri Lanka.

    In the YPCA, Ed has scored 1,350 (second-most) runs at 36.49 with a high score of 58*.  This has included 108 fours and 37 sixes.

    He’s also bowled 170.2 overs for 58 wickets (a Quokka record) at 18.81, gong at a miserly 6.41 runs per over. Furthermore, he’s taken 32 catches and affected 5 run outs, giving him 37 dismissals – which is also the second most at the club.

    More than all of this though, he has been secretary of the league for the last 10 (?) years – making sure we all get on every week, sheltering us from the pain of herding the clowder that are the YPCA captains.

    Finally, he’s a great bloke and it’s genuinely been a privilege to spend time with him.  Thanks Eddie.

    Team News:

    A long weekend looms large on the horizon, so some desperate calls may need to be made before the weekend, but at this stage the team is:

    1. El Prez
    2. F1 (c)
    3. Jay
    4. Alex
    5. Radar
    6. Ed
    7. Dutchy
    8. Oscar
    9. Big Dave
    10. The Animal
    11. Hendo

    Pitch and Conditions:

    It’s no secret that Cox Oval is my least favourite ground in the YPCA, and probably in the great State of Victoria too.  Surrounded by nettles, wattles, Yowies, Yetis (and other unpleasantries) just beyond the very short boundaries.

    The pitch itself is wafer thin, which doesn’t help those of us that occasionally stray a little wide.

    It’s looking cloudy with a top of 25 on Sunday, so there could be a bit of swing in the air for the likes of Animal and Prez.

    Stats and Trivia:

    • This will be The Animals 30th appearance for The Quokkas, here’s looking forward to the Wildman on the mysteriously powered bicycle terrorising batters for many more to come;
    • Oscar is only two runs off 100 for the season from only 3 digs.  Pretty rude really;
    • As announced by Slug, Dutchy got his 50th YPCA wicket in the last game, he’s averaging a wicket every 24.52 runs at 7.25 per over and 2.67 bounces before each delivery;
    • Radar was out after hitting his 1000th run in the last game, which was very considerate of him in regards to keeping things tight numerically.  His average has jumped to 25.64 this season from 22.64 at the end of last season – not easy to do;
    • Jay kicked the door in on the 40 wicket club last weekend (he’s up to 41), just in time to see Dutchy walk to the next-door club house.  Jay is averaging an insane 17.68 at 6.42 RPO;

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