Quokkas C.C.

Victory! and what a victory

Salix CC 167-8 (Simon D 3/8, Skip 2/19) lost to Quokkas (Hairdresser 64, Evil Dave 666, Ches the Kiwi 34no) by 5 wickets

What happened was the Quokkas felt truly at home in their plush surrounds of Esher. Or it could of been paying £16 each for subs that drove the Quokkas to success. Either way it was a great victory for the Quokkas, potentially their best win ever!

We bowled and fielded like men possessed. Arrive an hour early the Intense fielding practice in the midday sun soon paid off. Dac “The Attack” caught his first catch for 3 years and followed it up with a couple absolute belter, one off skips not so great off spin. Simon D bowled 8 overs for nothing, Viqas whipped it in with devilment and the Professor out thought their batsmen! .The arch rivals Salix struggled to 167 for 8. Happy teas were had by all.

Yeah cricket was great again. After watching Paul Lee and Rob Frumpkin hit 23 off the first 10 overs a couple of weeks ago v Isis, Skip knew things had to change.

Skip told evil Dave, “just play your natural game”…his response was “What? just tw*t it?” Skips response ”yep”, Bit like Gilly / Jayasuriya, he hit 2 great sixes and Salix had to take off their opening bowler who got Skip out second ball. Hasan the first Quokka Bangladeshi, came and went, not use to the bouncy perfect English pitch. Hairdresser came to the crease full of confidence. He looked good and pulled out his now obligatory straight six on his way to 64. Dave smashed his way to 30 odd before going for one too many evil drives. New French Quokkette MarieV was suitable impressed and Satan was in for a good night. In came Ches “the Kiwi” for his debut. Although not timing a single shot, his club cricket prowess was for all see. From then on the result was never in doubt. The hairdresser milked the applause as he got out with only 4 needed for the win. Dac hit a 6 off his second ball to secure surely one of the Quokkas greatest run chases in only 23 overs.

Roll on the Summer.

Quokkas actually score runs, still don’t win

Quokkas 150 (Hairdresser 24 ) lost to ISIS CC by 5 wickets ( Mr Ed 2/30, Egg 2/20)

May 31^st and the Quokkas fourth game of the season, ISIS away.  Back on English soil and unbelievably, it was sunny.  Only 5 of the Czech tour party had recovered in time so Rob F, Terrible, Bangwayo, Mr Ed and the Professor were quickly called up to fill the breach.  An accident on the M40 meant that it looked like the Hairdresser would open alone, but in the nick of time the rest of the team came skidding onto the outfield in their highly polished motors.  Last year the game had been close, the Quokkas narrowly losing by a single wicket.  The Mantis and the Hairdresser had hit 82 between them, but with the Mantis still not on the team sheet this season the result was difficult to predict.

Paul & Rob F opened and immediately showed their potential…as test batsmen.  1, 1, 3, 6, 11, 13….the accumulation was steady but slow.  Too slow.  Some lovely shots were being played against a couple of decent bowlers and it wasn’t until the 16^th over that the pair were broken.  Rob F was back in the pavilion for 16 and it was the turn of the Terrible to have a knock.  6 runs later and Paul was joining Rob.  The Quokkas were 54-2 off 19 overs and were looking like they would not score much over a ton.  We needed runs.  The Terrible scored quickly but then went for 9….and then it started…the hairdresser joined the fit again Skip and the boundaries started to come.  4 overs later and 23 runs had been added but the Skip lost concentration and he was gone for 19.  Up steps Bob.  Can he fix it?  Well to be fair it wasn’t yet broken, but his score of 6 kept the Quokkas nudging up in the right direction.  With 6 wickets down we were on 122 and only had 3 overs to reach a decent total.  Mr Ed & Trigger put on a further 18 but then double tragedy in the 38^th over with the fall of 2 wickets.  Mr Ed was gone for 13 and the Professor failed to trouble the scorers which meant it was down to Smithers and Trigger to see what they could do.  Only the Egg remained on the bench and he wanted to remain fresh for the bowling so Trigger and Smithers were under pressure.  Trigger collapsed and was caught for 5 aiming for the boundary and finding a fielder so it was down to Smithers and Egg.  Smithers faced and decided to hit out.  A huge 6 was followed by lost ball in the ploughed field.  Sadly with only a single ball remaining, Egg did not get the chance to show his prowess.  Isis needed 151 to win.

Tea was good, and the Quokkas over-indulged.  The eating of cakes cut heavily into the fielding practice time, and it would show. 

Mr Ed opened the bowling and immediately showed the Quokkas what it was all about.  He clean bowled their 2^nd and 3^rd bats who had looked dangerous, but the early signs of some poor fielding were exhibited early with a couple of dropped catches.  Their opener was still there and he looked like he could play but he was joined at the crease by a small 14 year old boy.  Surely he was no problem for the Quokkas.  Wrong.  Very wrong.  It seems that the boy had played under 14 county level and he was soon showing us how to bat.  Trigger, Egg, Skip, Smithers all tried to remove him but to no avail.  The bowlers were not helped by a number of dropped catches.  The cake had clearly inhibited the natural athleticism of the Quokkas.  Damn those chocolate logs.  Finally the Skip struck, with the Egg managing to hold onto one and Blatchford joined Lewis at the crease.  Knock him over and we were into the tail no?  No.  Lewis and Blatchford remained where they were far too long.  We needed inspiration so the Skip called on the Egg.  A  breakthrough! Egg’s cleverly flighted delivery bamboozled the batsman who was clean bowled.  However, by now the damage had been done and with the Egg dismissing the boy for an impressive 43 only 9 runs were required.  Despite the Professor, Smithers and the Hairdresser trying to postpone the inevitable, we were beaten by 5 wickets.

4 losses in a row. The rich vein of narrow wins snatched victory from the jaws of defeat which had flowed strongly in 2008 season had evidently dried up.  The team were stunned.  Surely the game at Salix would be different.  Wouldn’t it?

Tourists well beaten

Prague CC 223 defeated Quokkas CC 57

The Tour started badly.  With 3.5 men down at Heathrow (Skip had only one hand) things did not bode well.  However, with Dac, the Hairdresser and Satan on the plane we felt we’d still give Prague CC a run for their money. 

On arrival in the Czech capital the Quokkas were keen to start a recruitment drive.  In between the Staropramens in Wenceslas Square and a massive amount of meat at the Brazilian BBQ (the restaurant made a loss that night), the quokkas tried to recruit anyone & everyone.    Most people thought we were clearly drunk Englishmen on a stag-do and kept their distance, but happily 3 massive “disco-touts” promised they’d turn out for us as long as we drank in their pub.  We duly obliged, but sadly they did not.  And so we awoke on the Saturday of our first match, half drunk and still 3.5 men down.  The tram ride across the city was pleasant and 45 mins after leaving the hotel we stepped off into the plush green surrounds of the Czech countryside.  We prayed for a miracle and to our delight a couple of teenage pot-heads appeared in the outfield of the park.  Thinking quickly, the Skip approached them.  It took no time at all in press-ganging Peter & Jacob into the Quokkas and by pinching the Prague CC’s 12^th Man Vijay, we had a full team compliment!

The match started well.  Some good bowling from Dac, Vijay and Evil Dave meant that after 14 overs Prague CC were 39-5.  The Quokkas smelt victory in the air.  But then Malik and Myers stepped up to bat and between them smashed the bowling of The Egg, Smithers, Jason, Skip and Slick for 137 runs.  Myers in particular recognised that our pot-head Czech fielders were stoned and unable to stop a ball and continued to score freely through them.  Malik was caught just 5 short of his ton, but the wicket came too late and the Quokkas faced a massive 223 for the win.

Our innings started in impressive style.  9 came off the first over for no loss.  However, 10 overs later we were 34-3 with Slick, Hairdresser and Evil Dave falling to catches.  Jason looked like steadying the ship and top-scored with 12, but the rest of the team let him down with Jacob & the Skip (one-handed) going for a duck, Smithers 1, VJ 4, Dac 8 with the Egg not out for 0.  We lost by 165 runs.

We analysed our failings and decided that we had lost because we hadn’t really drunk enough on the Friday evening.  We decided to rectify that on the Saturday night.  We hit Prague harder than anyone has hit Prague before.  Evil Dave spent the evening out on the town in his whites having decided it would be unlucky to change.  I’ve since heard that the trend has caught on.  The most fashionable of Prague’s “trendy set” can be seen on Saturdays parading over Charles Bridge in full English cricket gear.

Quokkas CC  97 lost to Prague CC by 1 wicket

Our second match was where we hoped to claw back some respect.  Prague CC had put out their ‘B’ team and with a reduced 30 over format & 8-aside we felt out batting strength would yield us victory.  The unlikely opening pairing of the Egg and Skip strode out to the crease and within seconds one of them was striding back.  The skip was clean bowled which left the Egg out in the middle in decidedly unfamiliar territory.  Smithers joined him and soon they were scoring freely…ish.  However, the Egg soon departed on 7, Dac came and went for 6 which left Smithers and Trigger standing.  Smithers took inspiration from Triggers quick 17 and started to hit out.  However, a quite beautiful 6 was followed by a quite ugly catch on the boundary by their thinnest player, who had been cleverly disguising himself as one of the scoreboard struts.   Evil Dave was then bowled by the once proud Quokka , VJ, and despite the Hairdresser putting on 26 when Slick went for a duck we found ourselves all out for 98.

Fortified by pizza we took to the field.  With Slick behind the stumps Prague CC were slow to score and after 11 overs were at 22-1.  With this run rate the Quokkas felt confident victory was there for the taking.  However this optimism was misplaced as Hunza and Dan stepped up their scoring rate to put on 59 runs between them.  Some good bowling from Dac saw 3 wickets fall but then Prague CC decided to hit us with their secret weapon.  Linda walked out to the crease.  This threw the Quokkas into a bit of a quandary.  Clearly our competitive natures demanded we push for victory, but the gentlemen in us didn’t fancy bowling bouncers at a girl.  However, after seeing Linda play some decent shots Skip decided bollox to that and clean-bowled her with a slighter quicker ball.  With 3 runs required Vijay strode to the middle, and showed where his heart truly lay by securing a duck on the whispered promise of a beer.  He returned to the sidelines with a friendly wave to the fielders with “Vijay is a Quokka” ringing in his ears.   Sadly our celebrations were short lived as Sudhir quickly took the final runs. 

All in all cricket was the winner this tour and although none of us shone in the field, Trigger was the star.  He was duly recognised at the awards dinner that night.  His no-nonsense attitude with Prague taxi drivers, his enthusiastic involvement in all drinking games and his determination in the field earned him a new-found Quokka legend status. 

Many thanks to Prague CC  for the weekend, even if we didn’t get to see Andy bat. Excellent drinking companions as well as consummate hosts and chili connaisseurs.

Where will our next tour take us….will it be Africa, will it be Ireland, we’ll just have to wait and see

Rain didn’t stop play

Strollers  201 (Simon D 4/8) beat Quokkas 113 (Paul Lee - 27)

May 17^th, the first game of the season, Strollers away.  With the Skip having broken a finger in pre-season the mantle of captaincy rested squarely on the shoulders of the Egg.  Egg had a good record in the role and this inspired confidence in the team.  Despite the lashing rain and cloudy skies spirits were high.  We had lost the year before by 103 runs, but if we could see out the legendary pace bowling of French, surely we were in with a good chance. 

The Egg won the toss and elected to field.  Jason & Evil Dave opened the bowling.  Within 10 overs Strollers had hit 46 for no loss.  Time for a change.  Bring on Sammy D and Simon.  Steadily the score crept up but in the 16^th over a break-through!! Simon strikes with a wicket maiden over with Terrible taking a clean catch behind the stumps.  73-1, now we were cooking.  Sadly their 2^nd bat had his eye in and it wasn’t until the 28^th over and with the score at 155 that we took another wicket.  This time it was a Smithers special that clean bowled their 3^rd bat.  5 overs later Simon returned to the attack and decided to go one better than in his opening spell and produced a double wicket maiden.  Their #2 who had accumulated 85 runs decided to stand half way up the wicket to face Simon who took offence and quickly dispatched him to the pavilion with the help of a great low catch from the Terrible.  2 more overs and 3 more wickets with some fantastic fielding producing 2 run outs and another wicket for Simons collection leaving him with figures of 8-4.  Target to win was 202.

The pavilion at tea was warm and dry which meant that the Quokkas had to be cajoled into turning out to bat.  Eventually Rob F snuck out for a cheeky cigarette before the start and the sleepy quokkas saw this as the cue to follow.  The game was back on. 

Rob F and Paul opened the batting.  Much had been made of the pace of French but it seemed that the passing of a year had slowed him down.  We saw out the first 4 overs for 6 runs and then in the 5^th tragedy struck.   Rob was clean bowled, quickly followed by Sammy D and Jason in the same over.  French had figures of 3 for 3 off 4 overs and it seemed he still had some of his old magic stored away.  What could we do but send in our 2008 season opener, The Rage.  Between them Paul & The Rage saw through a further 11 overs with the Rage neatly rotating the strike to allow Paul to accumulate some good runs.  But after putting on 8 the Rage was suddenly returning to his forlorn son on the boundary and Simon’s time was up.  Simon played the shots and quickly hit 11 but then he too fell with the Quokkas still needing 127 runs from 10 overs.  The Terrible wanted some action and jogged out to the middle.   Fatally he appeared to disrupt Pauls rhythm as the next over he was stumped.    With Satan, Smithers and the Egg to come the Quokkas knew they were on a hiding to nothing.  Satan arrived and did his best to hit some boundaries but with the Terrible bowled for 17 there were just 12 balls left to hit 99 runs.  Smithers strode out, hit a 4, then strode back passing on his knowledge of the wicket to Egg on the way.  However, the Egg could not perform miracles and in the end we ran out of overs, losing by 88 runs.

A sobering opening game.  Paul showed his potential as the season’s opener and Simon was lethal with the ball, but the Quokkas left the rain-drenched field of defeat knowing that they could and would play better.  Bring on Prague CC

ashes goes here

…

Victorian Quokkas underway…

With the very melty summer almost over, the good people of Victoria have started to creep out from under trees to dart under bus stops to now avoid the rain.  When its not raining though, or shaking from earthquakes, they are also having barbecues and playing social cricket; or at least thats what the newest Quokkas have done.

Introducing themseles to one another, and also the game of cricket, the Victorian Quokkas embraced the idea of cricket without talent or commitment and have already started thinking about the games they will miss next year.

Stay tuned!

Quokka Empire expands!

Spotted in Thailand by Smithers.

Smithers and ladyboys not present.

2009 Fixtures announced

Quokkas everywhere can rejoice at the publishing of the fixture list for this year, kicking off with the annual Ashes season opener on the 10th May

The Attack strikes again!

The prestigious annual Quokka presentation evening was once again an evening of fine dining and entertainment. Held in the Clerkenwell dining rooms this year, a fantastic turnout reviewed the Quokka year and ate and drank like the decadent mob they often resemble on the field of play.

Some moving words from our absent founder, ably read by the Mantis, kicked-off the evening and saw the re-naming of the Quokka Best and Fairest award to “The Rev”. The seasons game by game review performed by PJ, Dac and the Skip saw the running total for best Quokka suitably represented on the spanking new Rev-ometer, a feature sure to inspire Quokka players eager to see their faces up on the scoreboard next year. The lead swayed back and forth over the course of the season and came down to the final game when, for the second year running, the Attack took home the trophy. The trophy being the new for this year (very) big shield, for his overall batting and bowling prowess. The Skip was an unlucky second, pipped by a single vote despite some serious run scoring, and the Hairdresser capped a consistent year with bat and ball by coming in third. A special mention must also go to Nige, who despite only playing four games, picked up fourth spot in the votes.

Of course The Rev was not the only trophy on offer. The “Andrew Smithers Champagne Moment” went to Pj and his blinding catch playing for the opposition, a relatively injury free year saw the “Egg Bravery Award” going to Ivan the Terrible for ingenious use of his face instead of his gloves behind the stumps, and the inaugural Quokkettes “Best in field” went to the Hairdresser, ostensibly for actually talking to the quokkettes at matches!

Congratulations to Dac, the rest of the award winners and all the Quokkas. Here’s to a successful season in 2009!

Farewell to the Rev

Quokkas CC 81 (Mantis 23, Attack 19) lost to Odney Club by 3 wickets (Fatman 5-30, Attack 2-40)

Actually played in August 2008, but we are catching up on posts!

Our founder and resident clergyman said goodbye to this green and pleasant land with a final game of the season in the lush grounds of the odney club in maidenhead, made even greener by the copious rain falling all weekend. Knowing this was the last game for the Rev, our hosts gallantly decided to play anyway and put the quokkas into bat. Rekindling their opening partnership from the previous match, the Egg and the Rev strode timidly to the crease and soon returned as Egg went first ball to a diving C&B and The Rev followed soon after, also for zero, receiving a guard of honour from the team as he departed the field of battle for the last time. This also saw the slowest consumption of a yard of ale/best impression of an aardvark ever experienced in cricketing circles.

The Mantis, the Attack and Fatman added precious runs but the conditions and several hangovers saw to the other Quokkas, all going cheaply. Not even the return of Sammy D after nearly two years could stop the rot. A final total of 81 was never going to be enough.

But fuelled by frozen porkpie and chocolate cake the Quokkas took to the field to try and pack the Rev back off to Oz with a victory. The Attack and Fatty were entrusted with the new ball and making use of the skidding conditions, soon ripped into the odney batting line-up as they had done to us earlier. Fatman’s second five wicket haul for the Quokka’s made a fist of it, but the big hitting Chris from the odney club, batting down the order, saw them safely past the meagre Quokka total, despite the Attack also claiming a couple of wickets.

As last year, great hospitality from the Odney Club guys meant the Quokka’s didn’t go home too disheartened, but we look forward to returning to winning ways next year